However, the children may not reciprocate the affection as even the traditional society like ours has undergone a sea change in the way mothers are treated. [break]
Mathatirtha Aaunsi, the day when Nepalis revere their mothers, or remember them if they are dead, falls on May 8 this year.
As people in the capital prepared to celebrate Mathatirtha Aaunsi, Republica met a few mothers abandoned by their children.
Can´t recollect own name, but remembers children
The wrinkles in her face and hands speak of her age. Her moist eyes express her feebleness, loneliness and longing for love and attention. She is not sure of her name, but she has not forgotten the count of her children. Nauli Ma (as everyone around calls her) has three children, two sons and a daughter. The last time she saw her sons was around 3 years ago. As for daughter, she hasn´t met her for the past 5 years.
“What is the use of sharing the problems? My child, it only worsens the pain in my heart," Nauli Ma said.
NAULI MAYA
"Sons are yours only when they need you, but when you need them they are no more yours,” said Nauli Ma, sobbing. “But my daughter used to care about me little bit. She used to get clothes and food for me sometimes,” she added, after a pause.
Nauli Ma does not know where her children are now and she is unaware that Mother´s Day approaching.
Nauli Ma does not have any document that could confirm her identity and address and she cannot remember her own background.
In the twilight years of her life, she has been living with a deep sense of hurt.
Tears roll down her cheeks even before she begins to speak about how her two sons treated her. “Please do not remind me of them. It is better to forget them,” Nauli Ma said in a pleading voice.
Sons don´t care, but a daughter still visits her
Remembering her sons does not fill 76-year-old Dil Kumari Shrestha with joy and pride at all. But she endured all sorts of hardships to raise them. After her husband died, Dil Kumari, who is a local of Bhainsepati, Kathmandu made sure that her kids would not have to suffer from the absence of a father. While she managed to find a good husband for her daughter, she left no stone unturned to get her sons employment at the Wai-Wai factory in Bhainsepati.
“My sons were just 17 and 18 years old at the time. I could not give them good education due to poverty, but I pleaded before many people to get them a job in the factory,” said Shrestha.
DIL KUMARI
After marriage, every man´s life changes and that is very obvious, said Shrestha. The woman he marries comes to live with him for a lifetime, and it is understandable that she would have a greater influence in his life, she suggests.
“I never wanted my son to fight with his wife for any reason. When I pass away, it is she who would take care of him and his children. So I thought it would be wise for me to leave home after things did not work out,” said Shrestha.
After she realized that she was being treated no less than a servant at the son´s home, she moved to another son´s house. Things did not change for her, though her grandchildren still loved her.
“I knew I´d have no place to go if I left the house. When I came to know about Ma´s house here, I felt so relieved,” Shrestha said.
Dil Kumari´s daughter visits her every 15 days or once a month. Last time, on the Mother´s Day, her daughter had come to her with new pair of sari and huge packets of dry fruits that had lasted for 3 months. “Even she does not have good earning. So I ask her not to visit me so often,” said the mother. Her daughter lives in Budalinkantha. The two sons live in the valley and another daughter lives in Biratnagar. “The eldest daughter truly loves me,” Shrestha said.
Lost the way to home
Eighty-year-old Dalli Maya Magar of Faparbari in Okhaldhunga would not have come to an old age home had she not forgotten the way to her home. One day, after a serious confrontation with her daughter-in-law, Magar left her home. In a fit of rage, she walked far enough to forget the way back. After a few days, she cared not to go back. With the help of an army soldier she came to the old age home. Ever since, she has been in dilemma whether to try to go back or stay with the new family.
DALLI MAYA
"My husband is still alive. I have two sons and two daughters. One day my eldest-daughter-in law and I had a serious clash. She hit me badly. Then I left home," narrated Magar. "Many days passed and I remained lost. An army man brought me here. Things are good here, but it is hard to forget my husband and children," added Magar.
Magar is a very jolly person except when she talks about her family and, specially, her sons. The sons were never nice to her after their marriage. She thinks it is also poverty which created to the tension. "When there is little food to eat, old mothers and fathers are least priority. They are considered useless," said Magar.
It has been over 8 months that Magar left her home. If anyone would be willing to take her to her village, she would love to go back. However, is not quite sure if her children would be happy to see her. "I want to go back, but would they keep me?" said Magar.
(The three elderly women interviewed for this article are living at Aamaghar, run by Dil Shova Shrestha at Rabibhavan, Kalimati, Kathmandu)
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