These women dedicate themselves to their husbands and children’s future, sacrificing their own prospects for any working career. [break]
The Week met with a group of housewives – Kajal Thapa, 25; Sushma Chhetri, 36; Sarita Karmacharya, 33; Sapana Maharjan, 33; Ishwori Gupta, 50; and Chhaya Mali, 49, to learn about their perspectives on different issues. These modern women transcended the typical image of a housewife. Immediately and easily striking conversation with one another, the women looked confident and ready for discussion.
Even before the formal discussion had started, the casual talks among them indicated that they were well-informed, very up-to-date with the current events and well connected. All of them had Facebook accounts which they were eagerly exchanging with each other. They exhibited their individual stances during the discussion and did not shy away from any questions or disagreeing with one another’s views. Here are some excerpts from the discussion.
How important is it to have a person solely dedicated to household?
Kajal Thapa
To have a person in the house all the time obviously has a certain effect on the environment of the house. The other members of the family will not have to rush or worry about the guests coming to the house or any phone calls.
Sushma Chhetri
I think that looking after a house is like attending to a family member. The house also requires equal attention from us as much as a person. So, if a person dedicates her full time for home, then the environment will obviously be relaxed in the family.
Sarita Karmacharya
I think that when you have decided to be a housewife, to dedicate a significant amount of time to the house comes as a part of responsibility. Also, when I handle household business, other family members can be free for their works.
Sapana Maharjan
I stayed home for 13 years before I started going out for social activities. So according to my experience, one does not have to be inside home all the time to manage the household chores. In my case, my in-laws usually are home, so it is not hard for me to leave home in the afternoon and finish my chores at a certain time. Even then, it is still difficult for me to manage time for things outside the house for two reasons. One, because I stayed home all these years, I have difficulty following a routine, and second, because my in-laws still want me to stay home.
Ishwori Gupta
I have spent 27 years of my life staying home. I had started a small business while I was still a student. But I had to close it down after marriage due to family pressures. Nowadays, I usually stay home and even if I need to go out, I need to inform my mother-in-law beforehand. But a good thing about staying home is that there is no rush to finish work within a certain time limit.
Chhaya Mali
Apart from many other benefits, I think to have a person solely dedicated to home minimizes the problem of theft during daytime.
What are your working hours? How much time do you give to daily household chores?
Gupta
I don’t like getting up early. I used to wake up at 7 am. The time even used to stretch to 8 am during holidays. But since I have diabetes, I get up at 5 am and go for yoga classes till 7:30. Then after half an hour of puja, I start the kitchen chores for the morning. It takes one and half hours before the morning chores are done and then I relax for some two to three hours.
Then I get busy again after three in the afternoon. That’s when kids are back from the school. We have evening meals very late, so I will have enough leisure time for other small works before I start cooking the evening meal, at around 8 pm. By 9:30 pm, all the chores are finished.
Chhetri
My day starts at around 6:30- 6:45 am. Breakfast, lunchbox and getting the kids ready for school occupy my morning. Only after my husband sets off to the office, I have time to freshen up and do daily puja. Since there is problem of water in our locality, my attention shifts towards water management.
I usually get out of the house in the afternoon. After the kids are back from school, lunch for kids and their homework make me busy. After a while, I start preparing the evening meal and at around 8:30 pm, the daily chores finish.
Karmacharya
I serve two glasses of water each to my two kids and husband as soon as the morning starts in my home. Since my kids are small, I need to help them get ready for school. The morning meal for the other family members will also be getting ready side-by-side. After I serve food to my in-laws and my husband, I finish up the morning chores.
Afternoons are leisure for me until the kids are back. They put me on my toes as I prepare lunch and make them eat. Soon, it’s time to prepare dinner.
Maharjan
I have to get up at 5am because I need to prepare breakfast for the family members by 6 am. On days when there are clothes for washing, I usually get up at 4 am and finish it by 10am.
I help my husband in his handicraft business. So I get busy with handicraft works for two hours after the morning chores finish. Since the entire handicraft works are carried out in our home, we have a dozen workers everyday. So after assisting them, I prepare lunch for them before joining them again for another two hours. By the time, kids will be home and preparing lunch for them and assisting in their homework makes me busy. And again , it is time to prepare supper.
Mali
I am comparatively free now since my kids are all grown up and both are abroad. It’s just me and my husband at home, so I get up at seven and go for a morning walk with him. There isn’t much work in the afternoons, either, so I mostly go out. My parents are very old now, so I usually go to visit them.
But when my kids were small, I used to wake up early and do all the morning chores of preparing meals, lunchboxes for kids, get them ready for school. I used to be busy for almost all day.
Thapa
I think I have more freedom in case of working hours. I get up late and drink tea that is ready for me. I don’t have to be directly involved in kitchen chores in the morning.
I usually spend my leisure time sunbathing or washing clothes. Usually, there will be people coming to visit my in-laws in the afternoon. I spend my afternoon serving them tea and engaging in casual talks. Otherwise, I watch TV or surf the net. And at around 4 pm, dinner preparation starts. We eat rotis in the evenings, so it takes comparatively more time.
What keeps you busy except the household chores? Has being a housewife given you time to carry out your hobbies?
Thapa
I usually surf the net. I don’t miss to check my Facebook and use Youtube a single day. I connect with my friends and relatives in Facebook, and it easily kills my time. And I get beauty tips and recipes via Youtube.
Chhetri
I am very interested in learning grooming techniques , so I usually read women’s and beauty magazines. I had even joined cooking classes to utilize the free time in the afternoon.
Gupta
I usually get engaged with other tidbits of the household chores in my free time, like making lighting threads from cotton and sewing cushion covers. I was also into knitting. I used to be very observant about new styles and knit it immediately for my husband and kids.
Mali
My main hobby is sewing. So I spend my time sewing small frocks for kids, clothes for myself. I follow the latest trends and get on my sewing machine.
We’re still living in a patriarchal society. How do you feel about this? Are there any things you would like to change and what would they be?
Karmacharya
In our society, a daughter-in-law is expected to please her in-laws. After coming to a new home and new family, I feel that it is my responsibility to take care of the elders of the house. Even a husband wishes that his wife would respect his parents. But yes, the way society has divided tasks as to be women’s or men’s is a big discrimination. Husband and wife are the two pillars of a house, so they should be treated equally. It is not that my husband tends to dominate me, but the way we are brought up, men are positioned one step higher than women. But in my case, I voice my discomforts and ask him to help me.
Mali
Our culture and religion enforce patriarchal rules in our family and society. Patriarchal thoughts are so closely knitted with our belief that discrimination is projected as a normal thing. In many instances of our culture, females are placed as weaker.
Maharjan
I think it’s not only the environment or the culture we are brought up in determines the discrimination against women but it is also a matter of attitude. My home is very strict in matters of culture and tradition; I am not even allowed to mix my clothes with those of the male members of the family while washing them. But my husband thinks otherwise. Though he was brought up in the same environment, his views are liberal and comes forward to help me. The general belief in my house still remains that a daughter-in-law serves the family members. But whenever I fall sick, even my father-in-law handles the kitchen chores and my husband serves me while I am still in bed.
Gupta
Since I married a man who was my friend in college, I never stepped back to ask for help from him. Due to the odd hours of load shedding, sometimes I need to iron my kid’s and my husband’s clothes late at night. But when I do not feel like doing it, I ask him to share the work. Also, he has always been a helpful husband. If I get sick, or sometimes just don’t get up early, he goes to the kitchen and serves tea and prepares for the morning meal.
What is your take on the preference to son still prevalent in our culture and society?
Chhetri
My first baby was a son, so now I want a daughter as well. Let’s say I have the freedom to wish for a daughter since my first child was a son. If it hadn’t been a son, then I might have had to face pressure from the family and relatives. But I think that daughters take care of their parents more than sons, a daughter is on my mind right now.
Karmacharya
It never occurred to me that a son was compulsory in the family. But I gave birth to two sons, so maybe that is the reason I long for a daughter now.
Maharjan
For my second child, I wanted a son, not because of the cultural significance of the male child but because I wanted to have both son and daughter.
Gupta
I too have two sons. When I had given birth to my second child, I wanted a daughter. But I have to admit that my family was very happy for the male child.
However, my brother has only one daughter which was not taken too well by my late mother. She always insisted on the need of a son because she thought there will be no one to continue the family’s name.
Mali
I have not discriminated between my daughter and son. I have given equal opportunity to my daughter as much as for the son. And I believe that if my son in future has only daughter or daughters, I would not mind.
As a housewife, what are the things that make you happy or unhappy? What do you think are missing out on?
Mali
What makes me satisfied is that I was there all the time with my kids when they were growing up. I was always home and available whenever my kids needed me. I used to feel that I was very lucky that I got to spend time with my family. But now, when I meet friends who are in good position of service or profession, I regret that I did not utilize my education. I even feel jealous of the identities they have built for themselves.
Karmacharya
I am happy that I am fulfilling my duties towards my in-laws, husband and my kids. It gives me great pleasure to have enough time to spend with my kids, to be with them and teach them good habits. But I am unhappy that I left my studies to take care of home and family. When my first child was born, I decided to stop my studies for a while till the kids grew up but now I have realized that it is not easier to resume studies after you get engaged with household.
Chhetri
I am happy that my presence has supported my family very well. My husband can concentrate on his job and not worry about the household. But I find it very demeaning when people underestimate housewives. People usually think that we have no work and are free all the time, which is not true.
Thapa
When my in-laws take my suggestions regarding household decisions and implement them, I feel good. But I am yet to discover the pros and cons of being a housewife since I got married very recently.
Maharjan
I was married early at the age of 19. I just had finished my +2 then, so I had to take leave from my studies after marriage. Now I have joined college to study for Bachelor’s degree but it isn’t as easy as before. However, though I was married early, I am lucky to have a very understanding husband and that makes me very happy.
Gupta
I have been happy in my 27 years of marriage. I have enjoyed most parts of my life but sometimes I remember the times when i was one of the most active students in my college. When I meet my friends, they’re shocked to know that I chose to stay home. Sometimes I feel maybe I could have established my identity if I had gone out of home.
What do you feel about the political instability in our country? What would you do if you were at the decision making position?
Gupta
I used to bepolitically active during my student life. I even got involved with the student union. In those times, I had seen many such student leaders who were in politics for a noble cause. They were selfless and always working for the betterment of the student groups. Now, as I scan through the political scenarios, I think that a lack of such leaders is causing all the troubles in our country. The political leaders are here to fulfill only individual ambitions; they do not have plans for a better society or nation as a whole. Our country has gone haywire mostly due to that reason. Nepal needs a leader who can work selflessly for the people rather than for money, position or reputation. It’s not that we do not have those kinds of leaders in our country but they never come forward. Also, I believe decentralization will develop our country faster, so government as well as private sectors should think of setting up business and industries outside the Kathmandu Valley.
Chhetri
The selfish nature of the politicians has forced us to carry a negative attitude towards politics. The political instability has a heavy toll in the day-to-day life of the commoners. Water comes at two or three in the morning, the shortage of LPG forces us to cook our meals on stove, load shedding is another problem. Had there been good governance, this could have been managed easily.
Maharjan
LPG, water, electricity are basic necessities, but we Nepalis learn to adjust and compromise with everything. We are queuing up with money in our hands for these requirements yet the government is unable to fulfill our necessities. The well-to-dos have options but the situation of underprivileged is worse. I think that we do not voice our needs or opinions to the government in the right way. The citizens themselves are not united.
How do you perceive the caste system in our society? How has it evolved to the present through time? Politicians are proposing federal states. What do you think about them?
Chhetri
The federal states will be like dividing our small country into much smaller pieces. The talks and discussion about federal states has brought much violence already. I doubt that there will be tolerance among each other if it is implemented.
Maharjan
There is an Aama Samuha in my community and we had to deal with Lalitpur Metropolitan city officials for some funds. In that group, I was the only one who could communicate in Nepali. The meeting used to be fine in my presence but when I was not there, the language barrier was a major problem. Lalitpur is mainly populated by Newars but the officials in the Lalitpur Metropolitan do not know the local language.
I guess that the implementation of federal states will minimize these kinds of problems.
Gupta
I don’t believe that Nepal is ready for federal states right now. With less or no resources in one state and more in the other, I don’t think Nepal will be in a state of balance. There will be more chaos and governance will also be difficult.
What are your hopes and aspirations? What is the one thing that is on top of your wish-list right now?
Thapa
My husband lives in America, so my foremost wish would be to get together with him and start my life with him. And yes, I want to go for a holiday at Miami Beach with him as soon as I reach there.
Chhetri
I love traveling. Even when I was young, I used to go around the Ring Road in a bus with my friends just for fun. So, for me, I would want to go on a Europe tour with my family.
Karmacharya:
I had left my studies to take care of my family and kids, so I would want to complete my Master’s. And as my kids are still small, let’s see if I will be able to work as well.
Mali
I have hopes for my children. I want to see them succeed. I want to see them married and happy. Both of my kids are out, so I want to meet them and see them often.
Gupta
My second child is just 13 now. I am diabetic and my health is not as good as before, so I wish that my health does not deteriorate until my kids grow up and become independent.
Related story
Sexploration Season 2 Episode 3: Modern Chaupadi
