Having done a thorough self-criticism of myself as Pol Pot (an idol to many Maoists) taught his critics languishing in the S-21 Secret Prison to do, I now declare that bandas benefit our country. Some of Pol Pot’s victims wrote books criticizing themselves on how they had erred and how the Cambodian Supreme Leader always did right. I can manage only half a page. Still, the self-criticism has converted me. Let’s proudly call our brand of democracy bandatantra; our country Banda Desh and ourselves bandadeshis. Let’s start our unique International Banda University with soot-smearing Maoists as PhD tutors. Why?
The Maoists can’t take all the credit for having discovered this uniquely beneficial Nepali institution, the banda. No way! Even reluctantly, they have to own their gurus, the NC and the CPN-UML.
First, bandas rely on a deep philosophical base. Don’t regard them as frivolous. Marx, Lenin, Stalin and Mao provide the rationale for the Maoist bandas that bless our country. However, our prophet Dr Baburam Bhattarai himself has given them the Nepali flavor when he said, “Out of anarchy comes order.” Neither has he abandoned his Guru Mao’s dictum, “Power comes from the barrel of a gun.” During a banda, the Maoist cadres use sticks, pins to enforce their sovereignty for the day. Why tote a gun when a stick can make the cyclist cower, when a pin can puncture his tires and reduce him to using vehicle number 11 (two legs)?
In his book, Nepal’s Maoist Movement and Implications for India and China, Nishchal Nath Pandey outlines common guerrilla warfare strategy of communist revolutionaries like Vo Nguyen Giap, Che Guevara, Gonzalo and Mao Tse-tung. The one relevant to Maoist bandas says: Revolutionaries should use terror regularly as a psychological weapon to overthrow their opponents and nullify government authority. The June 15 Kathmandu banda attempted just that and reached new heights. Patriotic Maoists reduced to a charred model the motorcycle of a doctor needing to attend a patient and pulled up pavement-railings to augment their bonfires. Through this anarchy order will come. (The Maoists kindly help with the anarchy and expect other parties to bring in the order.)
Second, bandas contribute to the Nepalis’ health. Imagine the fatigue of the average government office worker who has to toil from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., with a tea-break in between, and innumerable mobile-phone calls. Presuming he spends Saturdays getting extra income playing cards, when does he rest? When do diligent students get to visit the swimming pool, the cinema or convert the empty roads to cricket pitches? When do traffic police get some leisure because they don’t have to deal with honking vehicles? When do we all get some fresh air and the opportunity to throw away our anti-pollution masks? Of course, on the Maoist-initiated bandas.
Forget yoga. People (like mothers with babies in their arms) who trudge to different destinations during bandas get the exercise they would never experience. That means correct blood pressure, sound digestion, no diabetes, secure nerves, you name it. Some daily-wage laborers may have to fast on banda days. Their stomachs too get some rest. Capitalist nations have no such privilege. One disparagingly said of his country-people, “When young, Americans spend health to get wealth; when old, they spend wealth to get health.” With enough bandas, Nepalis have health whether young or old.
Third, bandas contribute to tourism. We should only advertise better. Instead of waiting till they get to Lukla or Pokhara, tourists will welcome the added banda-bonus: They can start their treks right from the Tribhuvan International Airport. The feeble ones will hire rickshaws but these certainly will miss out on the thrill of trekking to their hotels and dragging along their luggage with them. Maoist ex-minister Hisila Yami taught us to make the best of the load-shedding by advertising candle-lit dinners. Why not? Further, let’s inform tourists that their trek starts from the airport.
Bandas give our foreign visitors the much-needed rest. Some can get over their jet-lag on their hotel beds. Others can venture out onto the streets and witness Maoist acrobatics like stick-flag dances) for free. They will certainly find our banda-dominated culture interesting. One singer croons over radio, “I trudged to meet my beloved on a Nepal-banda day.” We should have literature and art based on bandas to lure visitors to our country. We can even export bandas with them.
Fourth, bandas help the poor. When do rickshaw drivers count in the most rupees? On banda days when they pedal the lost-looking tourists to their hotels. Sometimes, they earn tenfold. When do Maoist cadres get pocket-money? After they have dutifully enforced the strictest banda causing the most anarchy. When do cloth-sellers and tailors earn the most? After banda-organizers buy red cloth for banners, head bands and flags. On June 15th, all these abounded. How the poor benefited!
Fifth, bandas provide easy family planning. This usually happens when the banda-enforcers and the banda-disrupters clash. When both totally succeed, some on each side kick the bucket. Sometimes progressive YCL heroes “cleanse” their regressive Youth Force counterparts and vice versa. This follow-up can take place even after the main banda day. These deaths lessen the load on our Motherland, which has to maintain 30 million people in roughly 80,000 square miles.
Bandas control population in other ways too. Because vehicles can’t take food to remote areas, people die of starvation and leave more room for others. Lack of food also compels some to suicide, like Bashing’s Jashuli Bista who strangled her two daughters before killing herself.
Sixth, bandas will usher in ‘New Nepal’ which the Maoists swear won’t happen until we have their People’s Republic (PR). More bandas will lead to the PR quicker and our country will soon become the Switzerland (if not, Swaziland) of Pushpa Kamal Dahal’s dreams. For a new Nepal, we need everything new. As banda-enforcing Maoists burn motorcycles, tires, vehicles, the owners will have to buy new ones.
However, the Maoists can’t take all the credit for having discovered this uniquely beneficial Nepali institution, the banda. No way! Even reluctantly, they have to own their gurus, the NC and the CPN-UML. When Gyanendra was running the country single-handed, didn’t the NC call a banda just because Girijababu couldn’t fly off to the Tarai? Didn’t the UML call weeklong bandas when Girija had his Lauda scandal? The NC and UML have tutored well. The Maoists have learnt well and are now coaching their countrywide sister organizations on the techniques of effective bandas. Thanks to them, I too have converted myself. Having put on Maoist goggles to view bandas, I am finally progressive and pro-poor.
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