I’m an undergraduate student here in Nepal. My mother keeps pushing me to go abroad and settle down. However, I don’t want to do that. How do I convince her that I can stay back in Nepal and still do well?
- Sunaina [break]
Parents have their own perspective towards life and living, values, belief systems and ideas on what is worth doing and what not. You obviously function from a different value system or have a different plan for yourself. Sit in with your mom and figure out what exactly are her fears, her definition of success, her reason behind wanting you to leave. Ask yourself, what is it that you want for yourself, what your definition of success is. Maybe there is a connection between what she wants and what you want for yourself, and the only difference is that you plan to achieve the same things here in Nepal. Maybe you want different things. But maybe you want what your mom knows is only possible if you live abroad. Recheck your values, your beliefs and plans. A parent’s job is to challenge your plans; secondly, question it and play a devil’s advocate so your plans for getting to your destination gets constantly refined and your resolve to get where you need to becomes stronger.
Dear Swastika,
My friends have planned a trip this weekend, somewhere away from the town, without informing their parents. I also want to join them but I can’t leave without telling my parents. And if I do, their plans will fail. At 19, I don’t think we’re mature enough to handle all things on our own. How can I convince them to talk to their parents about it so that all of us are in a safe side while getting to have fun?
- Sneha
Wow, you possess an extraordinary sense of responsibility. I want a daughter like you. I would be a little wary about having a friend like you (just kidding). Sneha, the only thing within our control is our own actions. You can talk to your friends and try to convince them to tell their parents about their intentions. You can remind them of the consequences that wait if their parents find out later. You can put forward the risks. You can help them think through this clearly and help them figure out a safer but fun option that their parents would have no problem with. But your friends might be too set in their heads with the idea that their parents would never allow it or may have intentions that parents would never allow for. If you can’t convince them, then all you have under your control is your action. You have a choice. And knowing you from your question, I think you have strong values and you know what to choose.
Dear Swastika,
I’m 17 years old and still watch cartoons and animation movies whenever I get the opportunity. In fact, it’s all I watch on TV. Personally, I think it’s totally fine, but whoever finds me watching cartoons, they tell me that I’m not a child anymore to watch them. Even my friends say so. Is it bad for a 17-year-old to watch cartoons? Is it normal?
- Kalyan
(Smiles) You sound fine to me, unless, apart from watching cartoons, you also wear Sponge Bob t-shirts (just kidding). Can you believe, I actually googled “adults watching cartoons” and found out that quite a lot of young adults actually do that and it is pretty common? They say, watching cartoons perhaps is associated with the nostalgia of childhood. I belong to the “Barba-Papa” generation – they were these balloon-shaped cartoon figures. If I can find a copy of that, I would go crazy over it because, like they say, it does take me back to the most secure and joyous time of childhood. Unless you are hung up too much in childhood and are unable to comprehend and adjust in the world outside cartoons, I think you’re totally cool. Society has a way of boxing people in defined structures – there is an age of cartoons, and then it’s time to move on to sex and violence. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Thank you for not swaying away as society demands. Thank you for staying joyous and keeping the sanctity of childhood alive.
Dear Swastika,
I’ve been in a relationship with my high school classmate for over a year now. Truth be told, I was never really in love with her. I just thought she was hot, and started flirting with her. She didn’t seem to mind and so we just hooked up. I’ve never taken this seriously, and now, as we’ve completed our +2, I want to go abroad for further studies. But she’s been troubling me a lot, says she won’t be able to live without me. I told her we could work this out and that I have to give shape to my dreams. Now she says she’ll kill herself if I went anywhere leaving her behind. I really don’t know what to do. I haven’t told her how I really feel about her for the fear of what she might do to herself. I fear not because I care but if something bad happens, I’ll definitely feel bad. How can I sort this out?
- Rohit
I completely empathize with you. This is really a sticky situation to be in. I know that the two of you perhaps entered this relationship without much thought and perhaps hoped that the exit would be as simple as the entry. Well, some guys are lucky and they can enter relationship recklessly and afford to leave as recklessly without owning any responsibility to what happens to the other. But then there are fishes who think that they can just take the bait and leave but can’t get the hook off. If you have no feelings left for her, then that’s the reality that she’s going to have to eventually accept, respect and move on. But if she can’t get over you right now, it’s the reality that you have to accept, respect and then feel the responsibility to help her move on. You tell me that you don’t care about her, but I hope you care enough to take some responsibility and to help find a resolve. Talk to her with care, tell her that you respect her feelings, that you want her to be happy, and that even though the two of you have to move on to separate ways, you want to stand by her and make sure she feels fine. Ask her how you can support her. The only advice I have for you is – genuinely care, genuinely feel responsible and let that sense of care and responsibility guide you towards finding resolution for yourself as well as for her.
Swastika Shrestha is the founder of Anuvuti – a social enterprise that engages young people in service-learning. She has been coaching and mentoring young people in different capacities for over a decade.
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