Coming home for Dashain and Tihar is always equal parts amazing and awful. Amazing because obviously I get to meet my grandparents and dad and mom and also catch up with my cousins who keep meeting without me throughout the year. Not to mention all the glorious home-cooked delicacies I get to enjoy, and that too without actually having to chop or cook anything myself.
But I also dread this festival because it’s when there’s no escaping all the prodding, probing, nagging, and the eventual scorn. I mean as much as I enjoy putting on fancy clothes, meeting relatives for tika and sticking jamara on my hair with bobby pins, I wish I could skip the part where I get questioned about my life, career, babies (or lack thereof) and basically every decision I have ever made in life.
It’s worse when you are pitted against others and, even though you try to rise above the comparison, you know everybody is judging you based on every little thing about you, even your hair color.
Every Dashain, I feel like I will get my life so in order the coming year that by the next Dashain I will have all the right answers and won’t feel so out of place at family gatherings. But the thing is, I have realized, that my life is pretty good and I like it. I love my job, my husband, and no I don’t think I should have a baby, just yet. It’s only when I’m put under the spotlight that faults, that aren’t really there at the other times of the year, start becoming glaringly obvious.
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This year too I know I will be questioned about whether or not I got that promotion (that they think I deserve) or if I’m sure the job I have now is the right one for me. They will talk about this relative who recently started his own business and harp about how well he is doing in life. I will once again feel like I have failed in comparison. My parents will smile politely and say they are proud of me and really happy that I’m back but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if they too feel I could do better in life.
Another thing that really troubles me about Dashain is how I feel obliged to eat at every single place I go to. I can’t say no because it’s guaranteed to offend the host. As a result, I usually feel bloated and stuffed at the end of the day. And it’s not a one-day thing either. It actually goes on till Tihar when you get invited at one relative’s home after another. I really enjoy getting together and gossiping and playing cards, I just wish I didn’t have to eat so much all the time, that I could say no and it wouldn’t case such a scandal.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Dashain. The whole vibe is just perfect. I love the wind that blows during this time of the year. The breeze feels really soothing and has an immensely calming effect on me. The weather – what I call the porch weather when you can sit outside and read a book – is just perfect, neither hot nor too cold. And I think people are also generally more agreeable during this time of the year.
It’s these little things that really make me happy every time Dashain rolls around. Staying at home, doing a movie binge and playing chess with my family are also other enjoyable aspects of Dashain at home. It’s when too many extended relatives get involved in the picture that the Dashain charm starts to fade away for me.
I was recently talking to some friends and, turns out, every person’s case is more or less the same. Dashain is dreaded and loved in equal measure because invariably there will be some people who will drag you down with their rudeness, cynicism, and know-it-all attitude.
Talk about weight also seemed to be a constant among all families. If you had lost weight, it was a problem. If you had put on weight, it was an even bigger problem. It was something that a lot of my friends got really stressed about. Many confessed that they even took to going on a ‘juice detox’ or eating very less in the days leading up to tika in a bid to lose weight fast.
I remember the time when I used to be overweight and festivals, as much as I enjoyed them, were times I wanted to pretend to be sick so that no one would call me ‘fat’ to my face. And they often did. Now that I have lost the extra weight, they often ask me whether my husband feeds me or not, which makes me blood boil for so many reasons.
Some people can be really difficult, judgmental, and inconsiderate. And you can’t please everyone, especially when they are determined to put you down. Often their ‘concern’ is just veiled criticism. You really shouldn’t let these people get to you and spoil your mood during what is a wonderful time. I’ve started telling myself that and it’s going to be my mantra this season. If I’m happy with my life, no one gets to make me feel otherwise.
The writer loves books, movies, pizza, and the weekend and believes there is nothing a cup of tea can’t solve. You can contact her at sharmadit347@gmail.com.
