NPC: Nepal’s National Planning Circus! (Humor)

Published On: May 24, 2023 10:32 AM NPT By: Akhilesh Tripathi

Listen up folks, Nepal is gearing up to unleash the next national budget, and the country’s National Planning Commission (NPC) is back in the spotlight. The NPC is akin to "Fishy" Dhamala — always in the media, but about as useful as a waterproof towel! The NPC has been busy concocting grandiose plans for Nepal's development while the rest of us are left scratching our heads, desperately trying to catch a decent Wi-Fi signal in our humble abodes! I mean, seriously, have you taken a gander at how much progress the country has made over the decades? It's like observing a sloth endeavoring to ascend a tree — agonizingly sluggish and downright painful!

There's no need to deliberate any longer, my friends; this situation is as exciting as observing paint dry! But hey, let's find the silver lining: the NPC provides us with delightful conversation fodder during those delightful family gatherings. "Hey, have you caught wind of the NPC's latest scheme?" "Oh, you mean the one as effective as a screen door on a submarine?" Ah, the hilarity never ceases!

In the grand scheme of things, we can only cling to the hope that the NPC conjures up a plan that actually gets things done. Otherwise, we'll be stuck in the same snail-paced development for years to come. And let me tell you, I don't know about you, but I'm ready for progress faster than a cheetah sprinting after its prey! Let's kick it up a notch, folks!

Ah, the enchanting NPC, forever enthusiastic about hosting their extravagant national consultations and interactions, all in the pursuit of crafting their treasured five-year plans. It's like witnessing a grand circus spectacle, albeit with fewer clowns and an abundance of bureaucrats! Let's face it - the NPC's notion of "consultation" is as authentic as a reality TV show. They likely gather their chums for a soirée, where they casually toss around half-baked ideas, and voilà! Mission accomplished, or so they believe!

And don't even get me started on their ‘ritual’; it's akin to a twisted bureaucratic dance, complete with its own bizarre steps. Step one: proclaim the consultation with great fanfare. Step two: execute the consultation, all for show. Step three: promptly disregard the consultation's findings and proceed with their predetermined agenda. Rinse and repeat, ad infinitum. But hey, who needs authentic public input when you have a squad of obedient yes-men and yes-women at your beck and call, right? The NPC's five-year plans are destined to be an extraordinary triumph, as long as they adhere to their foolproof formula: snub the people, appease the politicians! Such foolproof brilliance, don't you think?

Oh, the NPC, parading around as if they've discovered the Pashupatinath Temple with their policies and programs. They boast about it as if they've invented the momo dumpling! It's as if they expect a thunderous standing ovation for simply grasping the concept of keeping the lights on. Bravo, indeed!

And let's not even delve into the government's whimsical slogan, shall we? "Prosperous Nepal, Happy Nepalis"? More like "Broken Promises, Crappy Nepalis"! It's a perfect embodiment of their track record. But hey, who needs tangible results and actual progress when you can rely on catchy slogans, right? They've clearly mastered the art of smoke and mirrors!

Ah, the illustrious planning commission, the true maestro of plans! Its sole purpose in life is to generate plans, and my, oh my, they produce an abundance of them! They must be getting paid per plan, considering the staggering quantity they churn out! It's as if they believe their job description ends with the mere act of plan creation. Bravo, folks, their work here is done! Pack it up, nothing to observe here, move along! It's a true spectacle of plan production without any follow-through.

Now, let me clarify, these plans do hold some importance. Every five years, the commission takes on the formidable task of setting the country's development targets for the next half-decade. It's akin to establishing a New Year's resolution for an entire nation, except instead of aiming to shed a few kilos or quit smoking, we're striving to enhance the economy! However, whether we actually accomplish those goals? Well, that's not really the NPC's concern. It simply sets the target, like a coach mapping out a game plan, and then passes the torch to the players to figure out the execution. "Best of luck, folks! We'll be here concocting more plans!" It's a classic case of delegating the real work while continuing with the plan-production extravaganza.

So there you have it, folks. The planning commission: making plans since whenever it was founded. It’s like the superhero of planning, always ready to whip up a plan at a moment's notice. But as for whether those plans actually work? Well, that's up to the other agencies. Good luck, guys!

Ah, the enchanting development plans, akin to soothing bedtime stories—charming and promising, yet one can't help but wonder if they'll ever truly materialize! Once the NPC conjures up these delightful plans, who's left to shoulder the burden of transforming them into reality? The bureaucracy, you say? Oh, that's a good one! They're already swamped with their existing tasks. What do they stand to gain from executing these plans? Oh, absolutely nothing but more toil and less time to indulge in mindless scroll through social media! And what do they lose by neglecting the plans? Well, virtually nothing, except perhaps a nod of approval from the higher-ups for avoiding additional workload! It's a whimsical dance of wishful thinking and strategic avoidance, my friends.

Now, let's shift our attention to the government, ministries, and departments. Do they earnestly strive to transform these plans into tangible realities? Oh, that's a good joke! They're far too engrossed in their own grandiose plans, engaged in an elaborate game of one-upmanship. It's as if they're competing in a colossal contest of "who's got the grandest plan," and nobody wants to be left behind. Meanwhile, the NPC's plans sit neglected in a corner, feeling like the unloved, overlooked ugly ducklings of the planning realm.

So, who's left to make these plans a reality? Lord Pashupatinath?!

Well, well, behold our government, under the illusion that the private sector is eagerly awaiting the chance to align their interests with the NPC's plans! It's as if they're attempting to arrange a blind date between the private sector and the NPC, but alas, the private sector simply isn't captivated by the idea. The sparks just don't seem to fly, and the private sector remains disinterested in this forced courtship.

I mean, let's be real here. Would you honestly put your trust in the government to devise your business strategy? That's as sensible as enlisting a toddler to plan a sophisticated dinner party! Sure, the government might offer some endearing ideas, akin to a child's innocent suggestions, but when it comes to executing those plans, it's bound to be an absolute disaster. It's best to steer clear and avoid the chaos that would inevitably ensue.

Let's face it, the private sector already has a full plate, juggling numerous responsibilities, and the last thing they need is the added pressure of pleasing the NPC. It's reminiscent of a disastrous Tinder date where the NPC seems to be perpetually swiping left on the private sector's plans. It's enough to make you crave some takeout and choose the comfort of staying in rather than subjecting yourself to such frustration and disappointment.

And don't even get me started on public-private partnerships. It's like trying to mix oil and water, or a bald person and a hairbrush! It just doesn't work, people!

So, let's face it, the NPC can plan all they want, but at the end of the day, the private sector is gonna do what they damn well please. And the NPC can just sit back and watch the show, or maybe order some takeout and join in!

They say the NPC has embarked on a mission to construct a self-sufficient, robust, and prosperous economy through capital formation. Sounds impressive, doesn't it? But hold on, there's an extra twist! They also aspire for a free and socialist economy. Yes, you heard it correctly—a free and socialist economy! Isn't that akin to being a vegan carnivore? It's a mind-boggling contradiction that leaves us scratching our heads in utter bewilderment. One can't help but wonder how these seemingly opposing forces can coexist harmoniously. It's a puzzling enigma that's bound to generate some lively debates and bewildered expressions.

All in all, it's a real circus out there in the world of economics. Who knows what'll happen next? Maybe they'll start selling momos on the stock exchange!

Ah, yes, how could we forget? The commission and its lofty targets! They aim for the sky, but it's as futile as attempting to teach a dog to play the piano—simply an impossible feat. And who is tasked with holding these underachievers accountable?

Lord Pashupati Nath, once more? It seems like a recurring theme of relying on divine intervention to keep these slackers in check!

The NPC has been perpetually stirring the pot of prosperity and happiness for what feels like an eternity, but it seems like it's never gonna come to a boil. It's akin to patiently waiting for a pot of water to boil on a stove that hasn't even been switched on!

Therefore, folks, I am confused - does NPC stand for the National Planning Commission or the National Planning Circus? It's becoming increasingly difficult to differentiate between the two!

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