Heart to Heart with Malvika

Published On: March 14, 2017 11:00 PM NPT By: Republica  | @RepublicaNepal

Romance is dying in Nepal

Dear Malvika,
I am 24-year -old woman working in an international organization which has given me social respect. Few months back when I did not have the job, I was depressed. I worked hard to get a job with descent salary and post. However, the problem is that my job is opposite to my personality. My work does not require much interaction with other people and is based on a strict routine. I really don’t know why but I don’t want to do this job anymore. I can’t even change this job because I am still not sure about what I want to do out of my life. I have explored few areas but still I am not sure which sector would be best for me. I have even thought of doing an MBA, thinking that it will give me better exposure. Is it a good idea?  I can’t even leave the job and take risks as I am the only breadwinner. I feel lost. I have responsibilities but I am not happy. I am in an emotional turmoil. How do I understand myself better? What should I do?

I believe you are going through a total distraction phase, where you are not being able to focus on one purpose. I have been through major distractions as you have. I changed many jobs, did one thing for six months, then another for another six months. I have worked in various sectors ranging from media to marketing to being the editor and now the CEO of a not-for-profit company Idea Studio Nepal. I freelanced for many years and still do. The problem with a 9 to 5 job is that it is monotonous and can get to you. It is definitely boring at times when you have to follow the same routine again and again. But we cannot forget or ignore the fact that you have responsibilities and bills to pay. And that should be your motivating factor at the moment. You do have to make sure that you keep your interests alive by utilizing your mornings, evenings and weekends. That will be your stress reliever.

Go out with friends, have fun, make sure that you have your ‘me’ time and explore new places. When you do so, the strict routine will be easier to handle. You have to try and stick to one thing for a certain period of time to find out whether you like the job or not. And once you have some savings and enough confidence then you can go out and explore the world and see what makes you happy. Better still talk it out with your family and discuss as to how together as family you can strengthen the financial stream. It is never fair for one person to take all the responsibilities. Also keep applying for another job where you can be happy. 

Dear Malvika,
I am 33- year-old woman and have been married for almost 3 years now. I was in a relationship with someone else for about 7 years before my marriage. My husband is nice guy but I am not in love with him. I don’t see my future with him at all. It’s been 5 years since I broke up with my ex but I still have his memory on my mind. I am very concerned about my future with my husband. If am not in love with him, should I still continue our marriage? I even discussed about separation with him but he wouldn’t agree. Matter of fact, it was a love marriage too; my husband knows about my past very well. I realize that I decided to marry him only because I was heartbroken at that time; I needed much care and support. But now I feel I will be happier being single than in this marriage. But I don’t want to hurt my husband over and again talking about separation. I have been through depression due to my failed past relationship and am not so happy in marriage. I have been living in the US for two years now and my husband is in Nepal and I really don’t know if I will return back. Phone communication between us is rare; we mostly message each other offline but aren’t cheating on one another. So, please advise me of what I should do now, should I continue with this marriage or get divorced even when my husband disagrees?

I believe you have already answered your question. The first important thing in a relationship is love. You don’t have that. Second is communication. You don’t have that. One has to be happy in a relationship, you are not happy. Partners should have similar goals in life, you don’t share similar goals. Technically you are already separated. It’s just a show for society that you are still married.

You cannot stay married for someone else. Two people make a relationship, not one. So be strong, follow your heart and face the reality. If you are living abroad, and not even together, that already counts as separation. And you are already separated from the heart, what do the papers even matter.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20- year -old guy studying engineering. For the past one and a half year I’ve been in one sided love with a girl who is two years senior to me. I’ve thought of approaching her but I heard a rumor that she is in relationship with another guy and also I have a massive fear of rejection. What should I do?

Go for it. The first step in overcoming fear of rejection is to face reality. Fear of anything kills us. Sometimes it might not even happen as we assumed it to be. And just the anticipation of what ifs is a killer. I was in my 20’s too and the feeling of liking and waiting for the other person to say something used to be so annoying. And much later when the person used to say, I used to like you then but never had the guts to do so, used to make us feel that if only the person had said something then. When it comes to matters of the heart I believe in being open about it. There have been times when I have approached boys and said I like them and did not have the patience to wait for it. And I have been rejected too. I was hurt at first, and then eventually I got over it. So if I can do that, so can you. Go with an open mind, pursue what you want, woo the girl; romance is dying in Nepal. With social media and everything, there is no romance left in men. Try to find out what she likes and what her favorite things are. Age at the end of the day doesn’t really matter. What matters is if you both like each other or not. I won’t comment on the compatibility and how long this will go, because it is too soon. So again, just go for it. 

Dear Malvika,
I am thinking of participating in one of the beauty pageant which is going to happen soon. I am really passionate about this and afraid to screw it up. I really want to build my confidence. I am really nervous and excited as well. It would be great if you could give me any tips or suggestions to win.

First of all, you need to be clear as to why you want to participate in a pageant. That clears up a lot of perspective. I would suggest that you read a lot. Nobody likes a dumb person. Get to know everything local and international. Write about issues, because if you put what is in your head to paper or digital, then it gives you a clearer picture. Pageants are about public speaking, and you have to be a good speaker. So practice a lot. Stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and practice. Debate about issues with your friends and family members. This will give you a lot of confidence. Besides, pageants are also about looking good. So eat healthy, exercise, drink lots of water, be happy, learn about makeup and wear nice clothes. A fresh body leads to a fresh mind and more confidence. 

Malvika Subba is a media personality, social activist and former Miss Nepal. She is also the CEO of Idea Studio Nepal.

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