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Another Asinine Comparison

Published On: April 1, 2023 07:30 AM NPT By: Akhilesh Tripathi

Both the government and the ass are equally stubborn, demanding, and full of sh*t!

As citizens, we rely on our government to make decisions that benefit society as a whole. But it’s no secret that government policies and decisions are often frustrating and perplexing. The government’s actions often seem to benefit only a select few. From tax hikes to confusing legislation, it can feel like the government is making things more difficult rather than easier! Now, the same could be said for the humble donkey, known for its stubbornness and demanding nature. While it may seem like an odd comparison, there are actually several similarities between the government and the ass (the more colloquial, if you will, name for the donkey) - both can be difficult to reason with, demanding in their own ways, and ultimately, capable of making a mess. In more ways than one, the government can be compared to a stubborn ass that refuses to move even when pushed in the right direction! Both can be equally challenging to deal with, and it can sometimes feel like we're at the mercy of forces beyond our control.

Now, what do they have in common? This might leave you scratching your head, but fear not, I'm here to enlighten you! As the saying goes, 'You can lead an ass to water, but you can't make it drink' - and the same can be said for our beloved government! No matter how much we try to make them see reason, they just won't budge. It's like trying to teach a donkey algebra - pointless and frustrating. So the next time you're faced with a stubborn ass, just remember, it might as well be running the country!

When I look at the government, I see a stubborn ass - and I don't mean the politicians. I mean the animal itself. As noted, both are equally frustrating and demanding. The ass wants hay, straw, water, and grass, while the government wants our money, our souls, and anything else they can get their hands on! At least with the ass, you can try to reason with it. With the government, it's like the donkey with the calculus thing all over again- impossible and pointless. The ass demands food three times a day, but the government demands everything all the time. They're like a giant vacuum cleaner, sucking the life out of us. So, the next time you’re in the vicinity of an ass or the government, just remember, they're both equally stubborn and demanding, but at least the ass doesn't have the power to raise our taxes!

And when the ass raises its tail, don't expect it to sing a symphony; it's about to defecate! Similarly, whenever the government introduces new plans, it's like the ass is letting one drop on the people. It's a messy situation that only adds to our problems. Every new plan by the government means new taxes, like a never-ending stream of manure! In other words, the government is always ready to snatch away whatever the people have, just like an ass snatches away a carrot from a child's hand. So, with both the government and the ass, be prepared for a stinky situation - whether it's a pile of dung or a new tax scheme!

The government and the ass have more in common than meets the eye. An ass may have a braying voice, but the government's promises are just as hollow. The government demands our hard-earned money like an ass demands hay and water. The government and the ass may be two different creatures, but they have one thing in common - they both know how to make a mess! Have you ever noticed how an ass can make your brain look minuscule? Especially when you're stuck munching on stale grass while the ass is indulging in fancy snacks like cashews and almonds. And if that ass belongs to a politician or a minister, forget about it! You might as well crawl into a corner and let your brain rot there, much like the promises made during election campaigns that end up gathering dust on government shelves.

It's hard to wrap your head around both the ass and the government. You can't make heads or tails of what's going on in an ass's brain when it's lazily chewing on some hay. Similarly, you can't decipher the government's intentions when it introduces new policies. And don't get me started on their logic behind buying petrol at Rs 90 per litre and selling it at Rs 180 per litre, all the while claiming to be at a loss! They'll make a big fuss about reducing the petrol price by Rs 2 per litre, but won't even acknowledge when the price shoots up by over Rs 20 per liter within a matter of weeks. They'll just make some fancy "interpretative comment" and call it an "adjustment" - kind of like how an ass adjusts its position while it's standing around doing nothing.

The ass spends its entire day munching on hay. The government, on the other hand, spends its time gobbling up the hard-earned money of the people whenever it pleases - just like an ass eating up every blade of grass in sight! So, those who have not been inside Singha Durbar but still want to catch a glimpse of the government in action can just look for an ass lazing around at a crossroads or grazing aimlessly in a field. They're pretty much the same thing anyway - one has four legs and the other just acts like it doesn’t!

It's hard to tell the difference between the ass and the government sometimes. On the one hand, the government keeps blabbering about depleting foreign exchange reserves and an ever-increasing trade deficit. And yet, they'll happily import almonds and walnuts from the USA, apples from China, cashews from Africa, mustard from Canada, sex toys from Japan - you name it! It's almost like the government is saying, "Why bother working within the country when we can just take jobs from overseas, even if it means we'll all end up dead?" It's all so confusing - just like trying to figure out what an ass is thinking when it's staring off into space. Honestly, at this point, I don't know which is which. They both seem to be eating up everything in sight and leaving us with nothing but a bunch of excrement.

Honestly, I think the ass might be a better choice than the government. Sure, the government keeps spitting out new commissions and departments like they're going out of style, all the while burdening the people with their upkeep. But an ass - or even a buffalo - at least gives us milk, adorable baby animals, and some organic fertilizer for our crops. I mean, if you had to choose between dealing with the endless bureaucracy of the government and just dealing with a little manure, which would you choose? At least the latter has some actual use. So, in the end, it's a pretty clear choice - give me an ass or a buffalo any day over this government mess!

Happy April Fool's Day!

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