Okay, granted, a comparison of the long gone Mohicans probably has little relevance as we prepare ourselves for the Brave New Way of Nepali Life. However, a little bit of historical flashbacking may come in handy, in light of the recent openings of Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut in the middle of Durbar Marg.
For those that say progress is inevitable and destined to improve Nepali culture, we need to take note: KFC was sued in 2006 for their practice of using chemically-altered, trans fats-laden oil that reportedly killed about 50,000 Americans last year. It is also reported that a KFC 3-piece Extra Crispy combo meal contains 15 grams of trans fats, which is more trans fats than an individual should reportedly consume in a week. They say that trans fats eventually gives you a heart attack, and in younger folks, will linger in intestines for ages and cause systematic bouts of uncontrollable diarrhea.
In my tiring work editing documents for valley NGOs, I have been led (hundreds of times) to the startling statistic that 45,000 Nepali children die each year from chronic diarrhea, and not one of them has yet to taste Colonel Sander’s Secret Recipe. This alarms me, as I do not look forward to editing future statistical data that shows an increase of obesity and poorer health in Nepali children – caused by bad food – as shown in the 2006 report released from TPR Research.
In this three-year study, the risks of eating fast food are quantified down to the precise fast-food meal and your chances of having an explosive diarrheic incident (EDI) with a not-so-happy McDonald’s meal. In the case of the 3-piece Extra Crispy Combo, your chances are roughly 1-in-10 that your butt will explode shortly after consumption. Pizza Hut was not cited in the report, so one can assume that kids eating a half-pound of dough and cheese are safe. Or are they?
This rant is not to pound away on people standing in line at KFC & Pizza Hut. This is more about the relevance of ancient wisdom in today’s seemingly clueless culture.
Dentists have long since advised parents that sticky carbohydrates and sugary soft drinks are a recipe for an oral health disaster. And I have long admired the oral hygiene of the Nepali people (and abhorred my own), where on occasion I have been inspired to brush my own teeth after seeing a Nepali publicly brushing in the morning, without any running water or even a tap. The smile of school kids on the Nepali roadside are always bright and sparkly, and are surely a result of this unabashed practice. So will Pizza Hut help or hurt here?
Look, I am no health freak. Far from it: I started smoking upon arriving in Nepal and I look more like a Trans Fatty then a Mr Dharan, so the point of this rant is not to pound away on all the people standing in line at KFC & Pizza Hut. Instead, this is more about the relevance of ancient wisdom in today’s seemingly clueless culture. I imagine that ancient tribes from one side of the valley did not intentionally pick up the bad habits of others living on the opposite side, unless there was good reason. Quantities of food and best practices might not have been abundant, but the value of such was well known by the villagers of yore. For example, I can visualize the ancient Mohicans figuring out that instead of discarding old bones, that one could fashion a sturdy knife handle that could effectively cut the heads from invading white men. In contrast, I can’t imagine that same tribe taking on the Old English habit of eating poison.
But every culture has its inherent wisdoms and follies that are usually modified as that culture is marauded by another. Now, we have the marauding of the Nepali Aama & Baba Momo shop by Western fast-food franchises. This constant plundering of the old by the new wave is what most of us call progress. In an ironic KFC opening statement by Randy Berry, the US Embassy Chargé d´affaires, he inferred that these fast food franchises were “expressways to the Nepali people’s heart.”
Well, if one were to take the numerous US health studies on such brands at face value, one might conclude that these outlets may be expressways to Nepali heart attacks instead. And in addition to more trans fats heart attacks, can we now expect duller smiles on the little tykes as they suckle liters of Pepsi with every pizza pie? My wife (Nepali) does not want me writing anything that may piss off the Nepalis who are enjoying new things for the very first time, like an American-style Chicken Hawaiian Pizza Supreme. And if this article does that, I am sorry. Really. She also reminded me that this is a small town, and I may have to do business with my peers, such as the folks from Yum Brands India. So to all those in the franchise business: My condolences. This is not an attack on you, or on your franchise. This is just a shout for some sanity in a crazy world, where the wisdom of our forefathers is being replaced by the whims of our children wherever we go, and with whatever we eat.
I can still remember the day when my dad packed us all up in the family car on a warm Saturday afternoon. We drove 50 kilometers through autumn-leafed hills to be one of the first in our village to pass through the Golden Arches of McDonalds. For a 9-year-old chomping down on salty fried potatoes in a paper bag, and sipping a large sweet soft drink with a giant fiberglass clown in the background, it felt like heaven. For my dad, it was the drive away from the house, and away from his job, that he enjoyed. His only comment on the burgers and fries was that it tasted like cardboard. He had the wisdom, but not the will, to stop us from eating and doing whatever we pleased.
Which brings this column on relevance and fast food full circle. Isn’t the wisdom of elders useless unless meted with the will of the young? Young entrepreneurs are doing their best to bring new products and services into Nepal. Elders may protest, but as they say in America, you can’t fight City Hall. Progress needs a burgeoning middle class. The middle class needs new products to burgeon. The beast cannot grow unless newer bits of chicken are fried and if trans fats are tastier then pure healthy sunflower oil, so be it. Who are we to stand in the way of progress, or to suppress the will of the young? In other words, are we (those over 40, who have already had their fill of pizza and can now honestly be called a Trans Fatty) even relevant in the New Nepal? You tell me.
(Writer is quirky-kinda expat happily living in the Kathmandu valley with Nepali family, friends, and a very large dog.)
herojig@gmail.com
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