Dear Swastika,
I’m in a long-term relationship for the past four years. I’m in love with my boyfriend but lately, I’ve been missing the spark in our relationship. In the meantime, I met this guy who’s very interesting and I’ve been going out on dates with him. I know I should decide on one guy, but I’m very confused. I love my boyfriend but I also like this new guy. How should I make this decision?
- RM
If you close your eyes and listen to your heart, you’ll get the answer yourself. All I want to tell you is that in matters of the heart, you should listen to your heart. Our mind is confined by social structures, cultures and systems – the right and the wrong, the moral and the immoral. Our mind is constantly evaluating the past with the present. Mind leads us to stability and towards adjustment to our circumstances. But our heart is a free bird and that’s where it takes us – to freedom land, to instability, to adventure. Now you know where your heart or your head can lead you. So close your eyes and sway away to the land you want to be in.[break]
Dear Swastika,
I used to work fulltime but because it hampered my studies, I decided to take on a study break before my university announced the schedule for my postgraduate exams. I was expecting to be done with my studies in about three months, but sadly, the exams got postponed for a long time and I became a couch potato. I didn’t want to join work before my exams were over, and since I couldn’t study all day long, I started wasting my time on Facebook and YouTube. I’ve put on a lot of weight and have no motivation to work out. Even getting out of home is a big task for me, and I’m constantly depressed for no reason. How can I motivate myself?
-Santoshi
Once when I was in Jumla, I stayed at a family owned hotel. Because the family couldn’t afford having additional staff, the children – a seven-year-old boy and a twelve-year-old girl helped serve tea, fetch vegetables from the market, clean dishes and deliver hot water and also did other chores. It broke my heart to see these two beautiful children work so much. I asked their mother why she had put her children to work instead of allowing them to focus on studies. With much regret she expressed how she had no choice. But then, I found out later that both her children are actually on top of their classes. It completely changed my perspective. I’ve learnt that motivation is overrated. I now believe in Newton’s Law – things are in constant state of motion or constant state of rest unless and until an external force is applied. All you have to do is jump off the couch and catch the motion. Start with something…anything. Once in motion, you’ll continue to be in motion, and motivation will come along.
Dear Swastika,
My elder brother got married, and within a month, flew to the States. Since his was a love marriage, all of us in the family already knew our sister-in-law for a long time. Honestly speaking, we’re from a middle class family and since her family is quite well off, we’ve always felt her disdaining us and we’ve never been really fond of her. She was still okay prior to marriage, but after my brother left, she has stopped communicating with us and always keeps herself shut in her room. When we ask if all is well, she says she has a headache. And this happens everyday. Also when there are guests at home, she hardly comes out of her room and even talks rudely to all of us. We never complained until my brother one day wrote to me that we don’t take care of her at all. All of us are very hurt, and don’t know how to react. What’s wrong with her?
- Samita
What a woman goes through, no one can understand it but herself. Every woman’s experience is so unique that not all women can relate to all women. Most of the time, marriages are a huge adjustment for people on both sides. The question isn’t about who is right or wrong, and who is kind or mean – these are just judgments. The facts might be simple, you feel some distance towards her, and she probably feels the same. She’s having a rough time adjusting at home without her husband, and you’re having a hard time adjusting your expectations with the reality of who she is. But the question at this point isn’t “what’s wrong with her?” or what’s wrong with everyone else in the family. The question is what can make things right for everyone. It doesn’t take too long for hearts to split apart and start moving in the opposite directions. Regardless of misunderstandings here and there, the only way that a family can grow together is by forgiving, by giving each other second chances and being the first one to take the step towards resolving, towards forgiving, towards loving.Swastika Shrestha is the founder of Anuvuti – a social enterprise that engages young people in service-learning. She has been coaching and mentoring young people in different capacities for over a decade
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