I’m 19 and I have had a crush on a guy since the first day at college. He is my practical partner, and honestly he is very good looking, intelligent, smart and a leader but he has a very fake personality. He and his friends are well behaved in front of the teachers, parents and some other people but when they are among themselves, they’re all jerks. But when he is alone, he is just perfect. However, he talks to me only during the practical classes. I restrained myself from thinking about him, stopped viewing his FB profile, talking to him and even looking at him except during the practicals but , at the end, I think about him and cry. . Also, he has a little crush on my other best friend and she has confused feelings about him. When he is online, though he never talks to me, I don’t go offline till he is on, hoping to see a chat box blinking. When he calls me for practical assignments, I fly high. I haven’t been able to express my feelings to anyone else. I don’t even know if he is single. What should I do?
- In love
Love doesn’t consist of gazing at each other, but looking outward together in the same direction – Antoine de Saint-Exupery. Love definitely doesn’t consist of wetting your pillow with tears every night in hopes that he’ll somehow understand your unspoken desires. Unless there were such a thing as telepathy, your desperation is yours and unless you have a psychic connection, he will never know how much it hurts you as you stare at the screen knowing that he’s right there, so close, yet so far and how your heart tears apart as every night ends without a word from him. He will never understand without you telling him. There is a chance that even if you did pour all your heart out to him, he still won’t understand, he could still reject your love and walk away. But if you tell him, at least you’ve done your part. It doesn’t help to try and find a reason to not love him – “his true personality falters when he’s around friends”. If you’re crying for him, it’s a little too late for that. I know that the matters of heart are easier said than done, but you can’t freeze in front of that screen forever, it has to move beyond this point … for better or worse.
Dear Swastika,
I’m 24 and I’ve been single forever. I met this 30-year-old man and he is just so perfect me, almost like my soul mate. We get on so well and he’s everything in a man I could ever wish for. We only met three weeks ago and since then, we’ve spent a lot of time together, shared a bed twice, but nothing happened, drank together, been out for dinners and we text each other every day, at least 10 times. He is single, 30, and has only had sex with three people as he puts it. He says its scary how well we get on, finishing each other’s sentences etc, and we always laugh and joke. I’m so scared that if I push it too hard, I’ll get hurt and lose him as a friend, yet I’m so desperate to spend time with him. Do you think there is something more here? Or am I just setting myself up to get hurt? I’d appreciate your thoughts.
- Anuja
Who knows what we should do…we have always been told to live in the present moment and not bother about future. But then how many of us can actually do that, right? The present can be as beautiful and carefree as if there is no tomorrow. As we steal moments from the world for each other and bask in each other’s presence, it feels like meditation - we are so completely into each other that all other thoughts seem to disappear from our minds and all we see is this person in front of us whose eyes shine in love and lust as much as our own. Wouldn’t it be wonderful Anuja, if we could live in this present moment for however long it lasted? If you continued to love like it were a meditation; in fact, loved him so much that he would melt into your skin to a point you wouldn’t even realize that he was gone if he ever did? Loved him so much that even if you get hurt, it would just make you feel more alive and more in love? Just a thought…wouldn’t that be magical?
Dear Swastika,
I’ve been really depressed recently. The depression has gotten to the point of me wanting to end my life. Am I having suicidal thoughts? I don’t want to experience pain and/or death but I, sometimes, just feel as though I shouldn’t have been born. Could you give me any advice?
- Depressed
The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel - Horace Walpole
My dear, I feel you. Depression does take away the better side of us. I hate when people tell us to stop thinking and stop feeling the way we feel as if it is that simple. But people are idiots. At the end of the day we have to fight our way out – whatever it takes. It could be by changing our perspective towards life – starting to think comedy than feel tragedy, or getting help from psychiatrists and crying out loud for help from family and friends. Please remember, depression can have psychological as well as physiological roots. A simple hormonal imbalance may be making you depressed and suicidal. Please seek help immediately with a psychiatrist. Most private hospital these days have psychiatrist. You must be the one who takes this leap to your own recovery. Let friends and family know what kind of support you need. However, always remember that life is more vibrant and colorful than what you see right now. But you too will bask in these joyful colors of life if you are determined and strong to fight for it.
Dear Swastika,
I know you hear this from a lot of teenagers, but this bully is getting to my nerves. At times, she is all nice to me but sometimes when she doesn’t agree to what I say, she makes such annoying faces and mad mouths about me behind my back. She’s the only child and is an attention seeker and I’ve known her all my life. Recently, she’s been bullying me and I can’t do anything. Please help, because none of our other friends seem to notice how much she manipulates me.
-Bullied
“Power” is an interesting phenomenon. People can take away your power, people can give you power, as well as you can take your own power back. Once, Buddha was meditating as usual in the woods. By then, he had attracted many followers into his practice. Every village he would pass by, he was bound to lead people to leave their homes and join this path. This was infuriating the families who were losing their sons. So one day, a grieving man came to Buddha and interrupted his meditation by flood of insults. He poured out all bitterness and anger while Buddha just listened. At the end Buddha asked, “Are you done?” The man, a little confused, said “yes”. Then Buddha said, “Ok then! I refuse to accept your insult; you can take it back with you.” You always have the power to not give power to the other person. NEVER let her get to you or destroy the better side of you. Refuse to be manipulated! You … You have the power!
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