Sanju's marriage

Centuries ago, a widowed woman would jump onto the funeral pyre of her husband, to absolve the couple of all sins, assure salvation and guarantee reunion in the afterlife. The only option the woman had was to either jump voluntarily into the fire or be forced to do so. This tradition was observed in Nepal until 150 years ago. Also in this country till fifty years back, the remarriage of a widow was something unthinkable, even for the widow herself. Regardless of her age, she was forced by society to wear white and stay away from all celebrations and auspicious occasions. There still are women, victims of child marriage, who have lived all their lives as widows because their husbands passed away when they themselves were still young.



Then there are people like Sanju Aryal and Yadav Lamichhane who break the age-old traditions associated with marriage. Sanju, who was widowed after a mere 18 month of marriage to the late Prakash Wagle, married her childhood friend Yadav on March 7, in Simara. The unique aspect of this nuptial is that it was Sanju’s in-laws who married her off to Lamichhane, with the consent of the parents of both bride and groom. The involvement and consent of the three families makes this wedding a landmark in how far society has come with regard to matters matrimonial.



Though this event is a drop in the ocean, it does reflect the changing dynamics of women in society, especially one like ours where many women still don’t have the option of choosing their life partners. Many girls in Nepal, as soon as they hit puberty, are dogged by pressures for marriage, which is thought of as the biggest, and indeed only, event in their lives. The freedom to choose and reject a marriage partner can be seen as the index of the control a woman has over her life. Sadly, many of them don’t have a choice. Their lives are controlled initially by their fathers, then by their husband, and in their later years by their sons.



Nepali women have a long way to go before society, which is predominantly patriarchal, accepts them as equals of men. Due to deep-rooted traditions that do not allow women´s freedoms, it will be difficult to break away from age-old customs, even if the state comes up with the necessary policies. Therefore, it is important that the attitude of citizens should change concerning issues such as widow marriage, inter-caste marriage and education for girls. Only when such rigid concepts are challenged and altered within families, which are microcosms of society, will society and the state come to view women as equal and capable. Sanju´s second marriage, fortunately, is an episode that shows that society is changing.



We wish the newly-weds a happy life together.

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