Dear Swastika,
I remember being an ambitious 21-year-old. I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve in life and I was dead sure that I’d get there someday. I continued meeting my short-term goals, and eventually I turned 25. Still working, and doing pretty well, actually, I have however, lost my ambition in life. I’m no more willing to work harder and I’m not as passionate about my career as I used to be. To my own surprise, I’m quite convinced by the idea that it wouldn’t make much difference in my life if I let go of my career and settled to be a homemaker. I often dream of that leisurely life without any pressure of meeting deadlines. Besides being a good homemaker, I could continue to read books and watch movies and maybe write a book, which my soon-to-be husband encourages me to do. Anyway, my problem is my lack of enthusiasm at work and that zeal to achieve something in life. I’m just too content with life right now, and I often think I’ll regret this phase of life very soon. Most of my colleagues think I’m wasting my talent, and so do my siblings. I’ve let go of many wonderful job opportunities simply because I’m far too much settled in my comfort zone to start something new. I don’t want to apply for trainings or workshops because I’m too lazy to pen an application or fill up the necessary forms, despite the criteria set for candidates perfectly matching mine. How can I ignite that old spark in me? I don’t like my current self.
Samikshya K
We’re raised in a culture where we are taught to value ambition. We’re taught to value life that is moving towards a certain mission. We’re taught to appreciate life that is like a linear endless stairway going upward without any place to stop, to stand, and to look around and appreciate the view. We never ask why we should climb the stairs to begin with. We don’t know what our other option is if we don’t. So we just do. And some of us, who are lucky, never wake up from the sleep – they just keep climbing up. Some of us seem to feel a sudden jerk that leads us to question – what is the purpose of it all, what is the meaning in this, isn’t this all futile, if the stairway is endless, what’s the point of trying to get somewhere? What’s the point of trying to get anywhere?
I remember reading a Buddhist saying: If you try walk in the opposite direction of the river, you are going to suffer a lot. If you just stand still in the middle of the river, you’re going to sink. So walk in the direction of the river.
What’s the point of trying to get anywhere?
You might choose to stop climbing the stairs mindlessly. You might have come to the realization of how life is empty and all our efforts futile. This realization will transform you and how you view the world. This will allow you to take life less seriously and approach failures and disappointments without being completely disillusioned by them.
Maybe at 20, you walked forward because you were dead sure about where you wanted to go and that you would reach there. Your goals must have meant the world to you back then. Reaching each milestone must have brought you so much joy. Maybe you compromised your family, friends and your own wellbeing for it. Maybe every time you saw obstacles, it worried you, you feared, it burned your chest. At 25, you’re on the other extreme of not seeing any point in all this.
What you now need to do is to keep walking. You might want to change the stairs for a change of view, but keep climbing. Walk slowly if you like. Walk by keeping your friends, family, and personal wellbeing along with you. Miss few deadlines if you must. Walk with less passion if you have none right now. But keep walking the walk. Walk with the knowledge that it might not mean anything, be futile, and be empty. In the empty walks void of expectations, ambitions, and clear destination, there’s more joy, there’s time to enjoy the view, and more sense of humor about life amidst different highs and lows.
Swastika Shrestha is the
co-founder and head of
training and support at Teach for Nepal. She has several years of experience training and mentoring youth leaders. She can be reached at
swastika@teachfornepal.org.
