I see my friends and colleagues moving on to brighter prospects in their career, and I'm happy for them. The problem is that many people have begun telling me to try for greener pastures, too. I see the point in their suggestions but my difficulty is that I've started thinking of the many things I could do next. There are simply too many and diverse things I want to do, such as, should I try for a different but similar line of career, should I apply for a scholarship, or try to go abroad to look for a job? I've not been able to settle on any one point and proceed with it. Thinking about all this is just making me feel more indecisive in the last six months. What can I do to help make up my mind?
--Confused about life
I guess, with a little bit of effort, one can always move to a greener pasture. That's not a big deal. But once you reach to a greener pasture, the real problem begins when you don't have the energy to eat the grass or don't like the taste of the grass. As the saying goes, the pasture is always greener on the other side. So, one can dedicate one's life to chasing pastures and keep hopping from one pasture to the other or one can start living one's life.
Life has its own way of unfolding itself to people whose every step is strong as they walk through the journey of life. When you take a step forward, the next step naturally unfolds. As you walk, life will sometimes take you to greener fields and sometimes to barren lands. There is no journey that is free from the cycle of joy and sorrow, or fulfillment and disappointment.
But there is a little bit of a problem with the way you are looking at things. It seems that your friends walked the walk. I am sure that the journey to their bright career passed by many barren fields before coming to the greenery. But I wonder if you are walking, or if you've stopped by the crossing, trying to decide what step to take next.
If you believe life is simple, then life simply presents itself to you. My favorite writer Arundhati Roy once wrote: 'Do not complicate what is simple or simplify what is complicated.' Life is much simpler than what you are making it out to be. You may look at all the pastures that are within the sight of your eyes. But the only step that you can take is the one that is right under your nose. Do the obvious. Before you can decide your next step in life, the ground of possibilities under you has already been defined.
It is important to set aspirations. It is important that your mind is where your aspirations lie. But your eyes need to be where your foot is. If there are opportunities that you can pursue, then that's right within the radius of a foot that you can leap towards. If there are none, then...well...what do you do? If you want to do things that you don't have the resources for, or want a different career for which you have no talent, or want to go to a new country without a clear agenda, then that's just wishful and wasteful thinking. If there is nothing in front of you, it means that you have some more karma left in the barren land. You need to build the road to your pasture by walking one step at a time while the road builds you one moment at a time.
So look far into your future aspiration, then close your eyes, take a long breath and bend down, open your eyes, look at your feet. Take the next obvious foot. The only thing you can do is what you can do. The only step you can take is the next one.
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Payback of health insurance should be made simpler: PM Dahal
Dear Swastika,
I have a controlling partner who tries to interfere in my life whenever I have important things coming up. We have huge fights about this. I have tried telling her that it's not okay with me but she just gets very angry with me and simply refuses to listen to anything more. I am so exhausted dealing with her tantrums whenever this kind of situation comes up. I know she might be thinking for my good in some cases but for the most part, all I see are interference and insensitivity on her part. Now I have something big coming up and she is adamantly refusing to see sense there, too. Should I ignore her and go ahead with what I've planned, or give in to her, though I don't want to? How can I change this habit of hers?
--Frustrated
Relationships are a tough business. Relationship is like trying to find your space in a microbus to get where you need to get. When your co-travelers are nice, you can push a little to the right and push a little to the left and find a way to ease yourself into the seat. If your co-travelers are rigid, then it is going to be loud and crazy.
Sounds like your relationship right now is loud and crazy. But if there is something that surviving Kathmandu Metropolitan City teaches you, then it is about finding your space, no matter what, to get where you need to get. It teaches you not to take the loud and crazy too personally. It reminds you that within the ecology of microbus, everyone is a victim. It also reminds you that loud and crazy is not necessarily always bad. Hatred is bad. Prejudices are bad. War is bad. But loud and crazy in relationships sometimes just means that we're tying to fit in and find our space.
So if it is loud and crazy in your relationship, be loud and crazy till both of you negotiate your space. Do not hate. Do not be prejudiced. Do not hurt. But push a little to the left and push a little to the right till both of you can fit into the ride.
Companionship is bliss. To get to that bliss, every couple negotiates in their own way. Sometimes, loud ones land up negotiating better than the quiet ones who often just drift apart from each other. As long as there is love and respect, and you treasure your companionship, fight for your space while you also fight to keep your relationship alive.
