I have been married for almost two years now. It took us a year and half before we saved enough to go on a so-called honeymoon to Thailand. And a word of advice to all honeymooners, please make it a week-long trip or else you will curse yourself for taking the four night five day package that takes you nowhere and everywhere. You will spend your time running around safaris, jet skis and cheap shopping and won't have any time to really enjoy your vacation. Now, I have to save for a year or two so that I can take my wife to Thailand again.
In a few weeks, my wife and I will be celebrating our second year wedding anniversary. I told my wife that since it's a 'cotton' anniversary, how about cotton scarves for both of us? She looks at me as if she finally found out that her husband is actually a werewolf.
My wife wants a diamond set as the second anniversary gift. My wife is most of the times happy to please but when it comes to jewelry, she morphs into one of them X-men characters. A late night drive to KFC to enjoy some chicken is enough to make her night. I tell her that we should be eating 'local' chicken instead of those from Brazil or wherever KFC gets them from. But she won't listen.
A 'Salman Khan' movie will make her day. I remind her that Salman Khan is not the only actor that needs to be admired and lusted after by most Nepalis women. She tells me to learn a thing or two from Salman. Yes, get a six-pack and dress up like Bhai.
And when it comes to jewelry, she wants diamonds. I asked her to watch 'Blood Diamond'. I bought the pirated DVD at the local shop. Yes, she watched the movie and she enjoyed it. I asked her to give me a review. Leonardo DiCaprio can smoke, drink, kill people and still look hot and likeable to the opposite sex.
When I do the same stuff (minus the killing people bit), my wife threatens to leave me. She tells me that I should quit smoking or I will die like one of her distant uncles who suffered from some respiratory illness due to heavy smoking.
The man was almost 80. Yes, smoking is bad and I should quit soon but drinking a small peg of whisky every Friday isn't that bad. But my wife thinks otherwise.
Every Friday, when I buy the small quarter-bottle of local whisky, she tells me that I have turned into an alcoholic. It takes me three days to finish it. I tell her that a small peg every now and then is actually good for one's health. She thinks Ram Dev Baba's herbal stuff will cure everything but whisky will do no good for a person. I hope someday the Yoga Guru will bring out some herbal alcoholic drink for all part-time drinkers.
Let's get back to the diamond story. I bought my wife a diamond ring in Bangkok. She was happy that day. Now, she wants a diamond set. One of my cousins has an in-house diamond business. She sells stuff from home.
She gets business from her customers, and of course word of mouth marketing has made her a rich woman. Whenever my wife meets my cousin, she is engrossed in an hour long conversation not about how to save the world but what kind of designs and what set to buy.
I remind my wife that thousands of folks lose their lives due to the demand for diamond. Many African countries are at war and millions displaced due to the western appetite for diamonds. But my wife tells me that I'm only making excuses to not buy her a diamond set. She tells me that many diamond companies now certify that their diamonds were not bought from rebels or those involved in exploiting people. That's also true.
I guess I have now failed to convince her that diamonds are not a girl's best friend. How about a puppy? She tells me that we already have two dogs at home. How about a cat? Well, cats still seem to be considered evil by most people. My wife doesn't like cats but is happy that our neighbor has a cat and she wanders around in our backyard and chases the rats and helps to get rid of a few of them as well.
Next week, I'm visiting my cousin. She is a little pissed that I bought my wife a diamond ring in Bangkok. But she is willing to forgive me for not buying from her the first time if I will buy my wife a diamond set for the second wedding anniversary.
She will offer me a cup of 3-1 mix Nescafe Coffee as she does to all her regular and potential customers. I tell my cousin that she should also give her customers a certificate or something that tells about the grading and other diamond related stuff. Yes, I once worked for a diamond company during the summer. That was almost a decade ago and I only did cold calls and delivery so that I could earn some money before college started in the fall. But I still don't know much about diamond. I only remember the 4Cs. Color, Cut, Clarity and Carat.
But does it really matter when the only thing you need is Cash? No cash then no diamonds. My cousin really wants to help me out. No, she is not giving me a discount. She is offering me an installment plan. Yes, no interest to pay. Just pay it back monthly and it will take me nearly a year if I choose the diamond set she thinks my wife would love.
The moral of the story is make your wife happy. It doesn't matter if you save the world from Armageddon. If you can't buy your wife a diamond set sooner or later then you will still be considered a loser. Well, I'm grateful that I have a lovely wife. I don't have anything to complain about except her craze over Salman, KFC, and of course diamonds. Salman will be old and will have a big beer belly instead of a six-pack. She can live without KFC. She also loves the local BBQ, but diamonds are forever. I guess the diamond set will one day be passed on to our daughter. We don't have kids yet but I pray to almighty that when we do have a child, let the first one be a girl. My wife wants only one kid. I want three. I guess we will compromise and have two someday. A girl to rule the world and a boy who will one day buy a diamond set for his beloved wife.
kalumaila99@gmail.com
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