I know you mean well, but have you considered that you may be fostering a shortcoming while you do this? Don't be alarmed; even with the best intentions you may be creating a person who depends on others to meet even their basic requirements. No parent wants that fate for their children. So what's a parent to do? Simple, just let them do their chores for themselves.I know it's easier said than done, but then again think back to the time you were a kid. You had to do your things because your parents did not have enough time off from their responsibilities: to feed, clothe, and provide shelter for the family. In the process, you may have struggled to get things done but I'm betting that helped you in the long run. During those struggles, you persevered, learned many life skills and chances are, you're still using them. It's easy to remember the struggles and want to protect your children from those struggles. Fair enough; but don't you still want them to know the basic skills for their survival?
Reflecting back on our childhood, we did a lot of things at home. Some of us, I am sure, helped our parents in the fields or gardens to pull weeds or water plants. We played with our younger siblings, folded clothes, and sometimes even helped our mothers in the kitchen. It was natural to do those tasks and we did it without thinking of them as a burden. Even now, in parts of rural Nepal, people living in farms expect their children to pitch in and work to help the family.
With more population leaving in search of off-farm work, more and more parents have decided that children should be entitled to a life free of work and responsibility. Then, again, I am sure you will agree that it is important to teach children life skills along with the rest of their schoolwork. Our children are always eager to help out with chores from a very young age. Most young children actually like to help their parents—they want to spend time with them and do the same tasks. If you have young children, now is the best time to get them involved in household chores.
Doing household chores has many benefits—academic, emotional and even professional. Research shows that giving children household chores at early stage helps build responsibility and self-reliance. Being involved in household chores is one way they can learn about family relationships and family functions. When children contribute to family life, it also helps them feel competent and responsible. Chores also teach children to be empathetic and responsive to others' needs.
At the same time, we as parents need to understand that school-going children are also saddled with a lot of homework and extra-curricular activities. So the best thing to do would be to look for a balance between their schoolwork and household activities. Once you have found that balance, in a few months, as things settle down, you will see a big improvement in how your family runs. Right now, some of you must be thinking what work they can do at home.
Well, that depends on the age of your child and their interests. Children over six can help decide which chores they prefer. You can involve children as young as two to three years in picking up toys and books and putting them in place. Five-year-olds can sort out dried clothes for each family member, ready to fold. They can also hand out wet clothes to be hung dry. Six to eight years old can make their own bed and also can help you water the garden and indoor plants and also wash small clothes; may be even clean the bathroom sink or do some dusting. Nine-year-old and above can do the majority of jobs at home.
While selecting chores, always keep in mind your child's age and physical and mental maturity. You should, however, expect some mistakes; it is part of the learning process. As kids grow, they'll need less and less supervision and reminders. While involving your children in household chores, be specific with your instructions. Don't just say, "Clean up your room". Instead be explicit and say, "Put your clothes in the closet, books on the shelf, dirty dishes in the kitchen, and toys in the toy box."
Just let them follow you, see you do the things and be allowed to help you from time to time, and after the job is done thank them for being a good help. For little children you can make it a game. Start small and then gradually increase the level like putting away the toys, moving on to sorting washed and dried clothes by colors.
These send the message to children that their contribution is important. The secret is selecting chores that suit your children's age and ability. A chore that's too hard can be frustrating—or even dangerous—and one that's too easy might be boring for your child. Having chosen the chore for your child ease them into it. Of course, your children will want you to be around to give them directions and some moral support. Pretty soon it will be you helping them. Then again they are children after all and will forget often and you might have to remind them and bring them on track again. Soon enough your child will reach a stage where they will remember and do the assigned job without your help or reminder.
The next time your child asks to skip chores to do homework, resist the urge to let him or her off the hook. Instead, schedule for certain chores with your child. Don't tie chores with punishments. Keep any talk about chores, including your own, positive. If you complain about doing the dishes, so will your children. Keep in mind to never involve money for any work done at home. I am sure you are already involving your children in chores at home. If not, give it a try. It might turn out to be more fun than you ever imagined.
usha@pokharel.net
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