Yes, some ladies do beat up their husbands but it will probably take a decade or two before a male victim musters all his courage to start a movement against violent wives. Maybe they should call it ‘Abused Husbands Against Violent Wives’ (AHAVW). But then Volkswagen might file a lawsuit claiming the acronym is very similar to their new ‘Aha! VW!’ ad campaign! No, Volkswagen doesn’t have such campaign yet but you never know about these big corporations. Just ask Varun Wagley if he can trademark his initials![break]
A friend of mine is married to a fair and lovely lady. If she stopped using the so-called beauty cream, Unilever will probably report a decline of 10% in sales the next quarter. The lady is not only possessive of her husband but has a violent streak as well. I am not trying to imply that wearing skin-lightening cream will make a person violent. Let’s leave that to some Harvard researcher and his team to play with some mice in Boston.
If the poor husband fails to change the TV channel as soon as she gives him a stare down, then she will hand out a mean punch. If he is on the phone too long, then she begins shouting at him. She doesn’t calm down even when he tells her that it wasn’t Rihanna on the phone but Reena from the sales who didn’t know how to print her report in landscape format.
Sometimes, he tells his friends how he got so drunk that he fell on his face and got a black eye. He is too scared to tell the world that he is married to a wannabe mixed martial arts fighter. He has two options: get a divorce and be free or wear body armor and helmet whenever he is in the house.
And that goes out to the ladies, too. If you are in an abusive relationship, either fight back or pack up your bags and leave.
You can’t just leave your other half just because she doesn’t know how to make chicken curry as good as your mom. We all love our mom’s cooking, don’t we? But of course, there are a few unlucky ones whose mom can’t even boil an egg but they will always have fathers who make the world’s greatest mutton curry.
Some ladies should understand that just because your husband can’t afford to buy a second-hand Santro doesn’t make him a loser. Buy a scooter or a cycle instead. Tell your friends that you want to save the environment by not driving around in a gas guzzling vehicle.
And even if you do manage to save and buy a second-hand car then that doesn’t mean you will get a pat on the back from your wife. She will now begin complaining about your beer belly and comparing it with Salman Khan’s abs. Then, you should change the geographic location and talk about Angelina Jolie and hope that will at least shut her up for a few minutes before she comes back with another pinching filmy dialogue.
Marriage is about being faithful to your spouse. You can’t just have a fling with your co-worker just because your wife decided to stay at her maiti for a few more days. According to the All Nepal Adultery Association (ANAA), 75% of businessmen involved in land plotting, housing and then running away with customers’ money, have mistresses on the side.
So if your husband suddenly decides to quit his job and get into the real estate business then make sure you ask your brother to tag along whenever he tells you that he has to go for a site visit.
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And husbands should not be jealous of their wives just because the next door neighbor or her co-worker looks like John Abraham or Arjun Rampal. I wish I could take the names of our Kollywood superstars but Rajesh Hamal is nearing 50 and Bhuwan KC is now a dirty old man who has flings every other week.
Some love marriages fail because the lovebirds fail to inform each other of their parents’ quirks and eccentricities. My friend’s sister married her high school sweetheart after being in a relationship for more than a decade. The marriage lasted less than a year because she just didn’t get along with her in-laws.
Her husband decided to stick with his parents. Maybe things would have been sorted out if someone had a degree in conflict resolution. Some arranged marriages fail because the newly-weds disagree vehemently on how to arrange the furniture or what color should be the bedroom wall.
But most of the married folks do work it out. After all, marriage is a long workout and you must really give it your best shot and keep on going till the end.
The writer is a desperate houseman.
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