Divorce and its subsequent outcome can have a significant and life-altering impact on the well-being and ensuing development of children and adolescents. The consequences of divorce impact almost all aspects of a child’s life, including the parent-child relationship, emotions and behavior, psychological development, and coping skills.
Even for adults, it is not easy to handle the trauma of divorce but because they know that it is their decision and they have to face the consequences they prepare themselves mentally and, with time, their wounds also heal if they get the right partner or are ready to cope with the situations.
But, for a child, it is a lifetime trauma as his love for his parents is undivided and fair. He needs both to live life fully. Parents must understand that divorce is not a single event, but a process. It can take years before a child finally accepts the new situation, however unwillingly it may be.
Divorce is an ugly word in the history of any family, especially for children. Children at any age suffer emotionally when the parents part company with each other whether amicably or inimically. For any child who has lived with both father and mother, family for him or her means father and mother. When one parent disappears form the life of the child, the child obviously suffers heavily.
During this process, they feel unwanted and abandoned many a times and it reflects on their studies and their interaction with their peers and friends. Children witness the power struggle at home and soak it up like a sponge. Their distress can be manifested with an ‘outward’ show of symptoms like aggression, running away, playing truant from school, involvement with undesirable friends, showing oppositional tendencies, etc. Many a times, the distress is directed ‘inwards’ by becoming depressed, anxious, blaming themselves, becoming suicidal, developing fears, especially the fear of being abandoned, and developing separation anxiety.
Current studies suggest that the loss of contact with parents, economic difficulties, stress, parental adjustment and competence, and inter-parental conflict, all contribute at least to some degree to the difficulty of children. “It happens often enough that children cannot accept a separation between their parents. They feel secluded and lonely, which lead to self-torture. Children and adolescents tend to intentionally perform poorly and acquire a bad temper.”
The pain experienced by children at the beginning of a divorce is composed of a sense of vulnerability as the family disintegrates, a grief reaction to the loss of the intact family, a feeling of intense anger at the disruption of the family, and strong feeling of powerlessness.
The long-term effect of divorce on children is incalculable. A lot depends upon the post-divorce handling of the child and the environment given. A parent who is emotionally less scarred tends to bring up better-adjusted children. Many children who remain emotionally disturbed carry a fair chance of a later break up of their own marriage. Children nurture bitter memories if their parents are separated. These memories are often reflected in their personal relationships. Hence, divorce should always be the last option.
namitannepal@hotmail.com
Related story
Exclusive! Sohail Khan and Seema Khan file for divorce
