I am tired of my parents telling me what to do. I know this is how our society functions, but I almost feel like I am not being trusted and, even though I’m not doing anything bad, I want to start doing it because it’s so annoying. My parents don’t listen to me at all. What can I do to resolve this issue with my parents?
-Garima
Let me give you the bad news first – Parents will always be parents! You can be 23, 33, 43 or 53 but they will never stop telling you what to do, how to do it. That’s their job. The good news is that you will soon turn deaf (smiles)! Really, you will soon figure out a way to do your thing while they are saying what they need to say. You will be able to sort out which are helpful advices to consider and what are things you can turn a deaf ear to. Once you have a college degree, a job, few awards on your bookshelf, and few people who admire and praise your work, they will ‘sort of’ start listening to you but not really - they will still tell you, ‘in our eyes, you’re still our little child’. But then, the good news is we’ll eventually turn dumb and blind too and nothing will matter – we’ll move on. The best news, however, is that, we will eventually love our parents for who they are and one day we’ll think of them and laugh about everything they used to do and say and how they got on our nerves.
Dear Swastika,
I and two of my friends applied to a university abroad and we got in. But I didn’t get my visa. I’ve lost an academic year and I don’t know what to study here. I had applied for Film Making School abroad and I see no good college here offering the course. I don’t know why I didn’t get through; I was so hopeful about studying abroad and now I don’t feel like doing anything. My friends are forcing me to write to you. Advice?
-Confused
When I couldn’t go to the U.S. for my undergraduate because of insufficient scholarship, I stepped back and forced myself to think – why do I want to go to the U.S. in the first place. I realized that I wanted to go because the education there, as I had believed, focused on extra-curricular and service activities, which I knew was very important for my learning and growth. So I created these opportunities myself – started a voluntary organization, and participated in different youth programs. So get on the steering wheel and make your own road map to your dreams. Take a camera and travel across the country – you might realize that this country has more to offer than what a film school can ever teach you. Read - learn from books. Find filmmakers in Nepal whom you admire and camp at their door until they take you as their apprentice. If you stay focused on your vision and passion, and move towards it with persistence, you will realize that there are many paths that you can take to go where you need to go. And one day you will also realize that the path you created for yourself eventually was much better than the path that was shut. So, create your path! You are not a victim; you have the opportunity to write your destiny.
Dear Swastika,
I have lived in a hostel all my life and I am 23 now. I want to move out and live with my friends, because I don’t like living with my parents. I don’t know if I’m being rude but I just want to move out. I spoke to my parents about it but they don’t want me to move out. How can I convince my parents? I hate my life at the moment.
-Resham
Isn’t this an epic battle, between generations, as old as the universe itself – one’s desire to break free and the other’s reluctance to let go? There’s something that our parents didn’t learn from the birds - letting go of their children when they learn how to fly. But letting go is sometimes difficult because we are too emotionally attached to our children, or because we’re not sure if they are ready to fly. Have a conversation, ask them why they are reluctant to let you go – is it attachment or is it their fear that you’re not ready? If it is attachment, assure them that you will always be close to them and love them. If it is about them not being sure of your readiness to move out, prove to them that you are ready. Never forget that this struggle for freedom between children and their parents has probably been there since the existence of universe. This is our karma - just do it with love.
Dear Swastika,
I want to lose weight, get healthier, and have my moles removed, motivate myself into doing my schoolwork better, boost my confidence and gain my self-esteem and self-respect back. Can you help? I am tired of people back biting about me and it’s frustrating.
-Frustrated
Then do it! Do what it takes. There is this book – ‘Eat, Love, Pray’ which starts with the main character feeling so devastated by her marriage and relationship that she spends nights after night lying on the bathroom floor crying. Then suddenly one day, she feels that she’s done with this mess and in that moment decides to change the course of her life towards healing. I believe sometimes you have to surrender to this inner urge and energy to walk out of all the crap that’s going in your life and steer it to a different direction. The path to changing or healing oneself does require perseverance and persistence though. Sometimes or most of the time, physical changes do not always translate to deeper realization and self-esteem that you seek, but it might be a catalyst. Make sure that you change and heal inside out. Just do it!
Swastika Shrestha is the founder of Anuvuti – a social enterprise that engages young people in service-learning. She has been coaching and mentoring young people in different capacities for over a decade
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