I further asked “your friend from playgroup?” “No” she denied, “she is right here with me.” I looked around to see who it was. There was nobody. I had read about children and imaginary friends. I had had my own experience with my children too, but I had forgotten about them at the moment. So I had a good chance to participate in my granddaughter’s world of games. “So, where is that friend, nani” I insisted. “Right here,” she pointed to a chair next to her. I saw what she meant. She was referring to her imaginary friend.
Imaginary friends and pretend play are very common among children as old as three. Just thinking about imaginary friends brings smile to their faces. For them, imaginary friends are more real than real ones. But we adults tend to take this as a nonissue. Yet, if we try to be a part of their game, it will provide us with a unique opportunity to peek into children’s make-belief world. Through my association with young children, I have found that imaginary friends help them deal with changes that take place in their daily lives and even help them acquire new skills. As is the case, girl children imitate their mothers while boy children go after their fathers in solving problems they face.
You too may have come across little girls playing with dolls and boys reading newspapers with their father’s or grandfather’s glasses on. Psychologists say there is nothing unusual in such behaviors. Thinking of imaginary or fantasy friends foster fertile imagination of the children. Researchers have it that such imaginary friends gradually disappear from the children’s psyche as they grow to maturity.
But they agree that children interact with their imaginary friends during early childhood and continue to retain them well up to their school years. Marjorie Taylor, the head of Department of Psychology at the University of Oregon, and a leading researcher on children´s pretend play, argues that imaginary friend never goes away but only morphs into something different. Taylor maintains that it is not rare phenomena among children and there is nothing to worry about it. Studies show that kids who invent imaginary friends—whether invisible beings or personified toys—tend to have better communication and socialization skills.
Children who invent imaginary friends tend to develop communication and socialization skills faster and better.
Often, children, aged three to six, give names to imaginary friends themselves. Most of the times they are just wonderful playmates, but sometimes imaginary friends act as children’s alter egos. Researchers suggest that pretend play usually starts when children are two and above. Up until about five, the line between fantasy and reality begins to blur and pretense begins to seem more real to them.
Thus, pretend play is an essential part of a child’s development and his fantasy friends an extension of the pretend plays. Experts believe that pretend play provides a child with an opportunity to learn about roles, relationships, power and control. At the same time, it also gives children a chance to cope with different feelings they experience at home, day care center or school. They often talk to their imaginary friends. This may not make much sense to the adults but if you listen to them closely, you will find presence of interlocutors in such conversation.
I must have raised many curiosities in readers by now. Some of you might be wondering if they have a reason to have imaginary friends. The answer is not straight. The children do not necessarily have reason for creating such friends all the time. Children’s imaginations help them to mull over confusing issues of life: A process that seems to continue in different forms as children mature. But as they grow they will slowly realize that their pretend friends are not real.
I remember having my pretend friend well up to my teens. But by then she had changed into another form: She was my daily diary with whom I would share everything and anything that bothered me. Even some world icons grow with imaginary friend. It might surprise you to know that Paul Taylor, a cultural icon in the world of dance, had accredited some of his works to his imaginary friend, George H Tacet, PhD—I am not kidding.
Thus even famous people grow with imaginary friends. So next time you see your grandchildren playing with imaginary friends, try to participate in their games. You never know, you might find out their fears and challenges.Their imaginary friends might be helping them resolve the conflicts of their minds. You might start loving their games. And most of all, you might even start looking forward to playing with their imaginary friends.
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