She must not be awed by that which has been built up around her;
She must revere that woman in her, which struggles for expression.
– Margaret Sanger
Beneath the hensureness of the woman, behind the dominant, demure, timid, submissive nature lies an undeterred spirit with immense capabilities; someone dauntless and strong.[break] Like various other women celebrating the 100th International Woman’s Day around the world, my participation in two different spaces – Dilli Bazaar Kanya Multiple Campus and Alliance Française in Kathmandu – has been a memorable experience. It was a great opportunity for a woman like me to observe the Nepali women more closely and subtly. It has evoked in me the feeling of immense pride in being the so called ‘second’ sex despite having been born and brought up in a patriarchal society that always advocates – Men do no wrong. Having seen these women from different walks of life confident and upright has further kept intact my belief that we women have the patience and the power to create a positive change in the society.
But that was not all I had witnessed there. After hearing those present, my inner self automatically categorizes them into two halves. The first half reserved for the Members of the Constituent Assembly, the policymakers, and lawmakers who are supposed to bring social and economic revolution through their tirades in fighting for gender bias, inequality, about women’s empowerment, their reservations, and their upliftment in the media. And everybody knows how much these harangues translate into action.
The second half, to the women of deliverance – ‘Women of Substance’ – in a true sense like Maiju Gurung, her daughter Lilu Gurung, Balika Chaudhary, Jeena Lingden, Subina Shrestha, and Poonam Pathak, a handful of them who have come to the fore, to share their experiences. Their experiences teach us to rise against all the odds and never to lose hope in our adverse situations, to be strong and independent, and to become aware. It was quite an emotional moment for everyone as Lilu Gurung, welled up with tears, remembered her father threatening her mother Maiju Gurung, fifth amongst the 10 wives her father had brought in, to be thrown into the river because of her perennial illness. As a child, Lilu got startled to see all her “mothers” line up in a queue to drink water after having washed her polygamous father’s feet. Having got married at an early age, Lilu had the extra responsibility of looking after her mother and supporting her. But this did not make Lilu lose her faith in her capability. She mortgaged the gold given to her during her wedding and established a grocery store with the money and began her journey. Her store sold everything, from things as tiny as needles, medicines to liquor. It was equally enriching to see Maiju, someone who is uneducated, express herself through her actions. Who says one who isn’t educated lacks wisdom?
The story of Balika Chaudhary is not less motivating. She talked about the stigma of being born a girl child in a Chaudhary family where going to school was a punishment. In retrospect, she remembers the first time when she confronted a mass. All she could utter was “Namaste, ma kehipani bolna jandina” (I don’t know how to speak). To make things better for herself, she then trained herself to speak and began sharing her plight, her experiences by organizing plays. During the insurgency, she was arrested, being assumed as a Maoist for which the police inflicted mental and physical torture on her. After signing the peace agreement in 2006, Balika could travel throughout the remote parts of the country, collecting factual data of the pathetic conditions of Nepali women. She now works for the INGO Search for Common Ground. It has welcomed girls who once took up guns. Balika, who has seen women walking three to four days from Bajura to Achcham for food, thinks for those women who worry all the time about feeding their children; sending them to school will never be a priority.
Jeena Lingden, pilot, speaking for the first time in public, seemed a little nervous. Born in Hong Kong to a British Gurkha Sergeant, Jeena, along with the family, had to move back to Phidim after his retirement. Coming back to village was a kind of anticlimax for her. She went to Dhule School, a small public school in the village. Luckily for them, after some years, her father got a job at the Brunei Palace, making their economical condition a little more stable. Initially, she wasn’t allowed to go to the same school that her brother attended; but finally, she convinced her parents. She pestered her father for pursuing her dream of flying high. Today, she flies for Yeti Airlines, and is immensely satisfied the way her life has shaped up. However, people still have a mindset that pilots are only men. She remembers when Yeti Airlines celebrated the Women’s Day by deciding to fly to Bharatpur, a twenty-minute destination, with an all-women crew, passengers had nervous expressions.
Subina Shrestha makes films for Al Jazeera and has won the Rory Peck Awards in 2008. A very determined lady, she believes that women have easy access to everything, not because people think they are capable but because they are ‘underestimated.’ Subina is not angry at the whole world, but is interested in writing about the women of the Third World countries who are not strong enough to rebel against the patriarchal social construct. In the field of journalism, in order to be at par with men, she believes a woman has to go beyond.
“You can’t do journalism if you want to be home by six in the evening, for that you have to travel wide and work hard,” says Subina, who remembers her undercover reporting for the Bahamas Cyclone in 2008.
“I’ve never seen so many dead bodies and have never smelt something as that foul,” is what she reminisces on that tragic account of more than thousands of death.
For 31-year-old Poonam Pathak of Butwal, the world came crashing down with the death of her husband in Kuwait, just three years after their marriage. She was only 22 with a three-week-old child. Living with the stigma of being a widow, being a burden to both families, and hearing things like her child being a ‘bau tokuwa’ (biting the father), were too much to handle. However, she didn’t lose hope. Today, she works in WHR as the Coordinator of the Food Processing for the Single Women Entrepreneurs Group, and delivers about 150 meal boxes a day in Kathmandu and Lalitpur. Her child is eight now and goes to a boarding school in Kathmandu. She feels one should never lose hope even in the worst of situations. She also has traveled to 54 districts as a social mobilizer spreading awareness that widowhood is not a curse.
Listening to the story of the survivors, I pondered over the adversities of the women. We women often tend to blame the patriarchal construct for our miseries. But aren’t we all responsible for them? Until and unless a woman realizes this from within herself, the condition of her life will never change. It is she who creates boundaries for the daughters, sisters and daughter-in-laws. Thus, change has to come from within a woman herself.
The various causes that hinder their upliftment are lack of education, lack of awareness, lack of campaigning, etc. However, education cannot be the sole factor that brings change in people’s behavior although its importance cannot be ruled out easily. Why would educated women behave roughly to their brethrens? Be it women of the villages or the cities, both suffer equally. The judicial system for women’s rights, their empowerment, and the property rights exist only in papers.
For a woman to fight a divorce case against domestic abuse and getting alimony, it takes years if the parties don’t agree on common legal grounds. It is utterly humiliating for her to speak in public regarding her private life time and again. By the time the verdict comes, she is disillusioned and in despair. Sometime back, the budget announced Rs 50,000 to a man who marries a widow and Rs. 100,000 to one who marries a woman from a Dalit community. This indicates that people still think of women as commodities whose price is determined by their disabilities.
Coming back to the point where I began writing, perhaps D.H. Lawrence would call these women cocksure as they are playing the so called masculine role in the society. I beg to deconstruct his term of cocksure women. A woman does not need to be cocksure to revolt, to fight for her rights; she can be empowered by being ‘hensure’ itself. The only thing she needs is to be sure of herself and of her actions.
Related story
Rhinos maintain winning streak to reach next round, Paltan elim...
