If there is one thing that everybody does, it is judging people. Knowingly or unknowingly, every one of us has some conceptions about things around us, especially girls. Numerous social parameters have been set to judge a girl -- from the way she dresses, to the way she talks or behaves, from how many guy friends she has to how sexually expressive she is. If a girl is modern, bold and talkative, chances are that she will be taken as an easy girl and, in many cases, gets termed ‘characterless’ for the choices she makes. But who is ‘characterless’, a girl who chooses to live on her own terms or the society that judges her character on the basis of her choices?
The topics or issues related to girls are rarely openly discussed among our immediate circle, be it family or friends. The students of Bachelor’s in Business Studies (BBS) and Bachelor of Arts in Social Work (BASW) at Nepal Mega College, Baber Mahal shared their understanding when My City’s Nasana Bajracharya discussed some of these issues with them. Here’s what they had to say.
Niraj Adhikari
BASW 3rd year
A man’s perspective is shaped on the basis of how and where he has been raised. If a guy is raised well, it will not matter to him what a girl wears or how she chooses to behave. If a man is brought up with values that preach respect for women, he will treat them with respect. If not, he will mistreat girls regardless of their lifestyle choices. I have seen girls being judged on the basis of the clothes they wear. But the most important thing is, we all have choices in life and the freedom to do what we feel like. But here, only boys are given the choice to judge, select an ‘appropriate’ girl, and live as they wish. Boys can also choose to not judge, but they fail. Hence, we need to discuss the matter among our friends and family more frequently and frankly to change the narrow mindedness.
Essential tests
Saraswati Ghimire
BBS 4th year
Girls should be allowed to wear whatever they want to. A woman can go to a temple wearing pants or shorts, and it wouldn’t affect her belief or sincerity towards God. But sadly, the length of a woman’s clothes becomes the parameter for people to judge her character and guys take her as an easy prey. The fact that we are in Kathmandu, where people have adopted modernity and individuality, gives girls here a certain liberty to experiment and go bold, but girls in rural areas are not given the same freedom. If we are to change the perception, we would have to start from our family and relatives, and make them understand that clothes don’t define one's character.
Dharanidhar Acharya
BASW 3rd year
I would obviously be happy if a girl sitting next to me in a bus initiates a conversation with me. I don’t usually take initiatives, and haven’t approached a girl till date. But, I wouldn’t judge her for being a ‘characterless’ woman just because she initiated a conversation with me. In our society, boys think ever girl that makes the first move is sexually or romantically interested in them, which is not the case most of the time. I think in some ways, even boys get judged for having casual friendship with girls. If a guy approaches a girl even in a non-sexual way, they are still termed Casanova. Our society needs to evolve and stop relating every relationship approach to sex.
Ramesh Pandey
BBS 4th year
It’s a wrong perception that girls that mostly hang out with guys are ‘characterless’. I have a number of female friends, but none judges me for that. Guys of our group don’t take girls that way. We hang out with girls, travel and go for night-outs. And certainly, it’s a hassle for girls to get permission from family, but we guys get questioned too. Parents ask us who we are going with, why and where we are going, and if there are girls. Old generations have a good intention asking all these questions, but they fail to adapt modernity into their daily lives due to various reasons. If we can educate ourselves and our older generations, the scenario might change one day.
Sanjina Upadhyay
BASW 3rd year
We hang out with guys only when we know them. But, even then there are chances that we are misunderstood. I was friendly with a guy and his friend thought that I would be as friendly with him as I was with my friend. He later accused me of two-timing, and said I was ‘characterless’. A friend of mine was friendly with a guy. He then spread the rumor that she had kissed him to be a stud among his friends. There are girls who smoke, drink and curse. But, girls are judged for that because they are not ‘supposed’ to act that way. We need to address the problem by talking with our male family members and change their perception.
Kabita Pandey
BBS 4th year
I have seen girls being termed ‘characterless’ because they are talkative and friendly with boys. Girls don’t usually initiate conversations, but when they do, boys misunderstand it. If a girl sends friend requests on social media, boys come to the only conclusion that she is interested. If girls casually touch or hug guys, it gets misunderstood as well. The cities have been more accepting of the changing gender roles, but girls are still accused of being ‘characterless’ if they hang out with guys in the rural areas. The society should give the girls the benefit of doubt and believe in their intention, not judge them.
Shreya Pokharel
BASW 3rd year
It’s not out in the open but people judge girls if they learn she is not a virgin. A girl in my friend circle got physically intimate with her boyfriend. When others came to know about it, they demeaned her character and started staying away from her. If people learn that a girl is sexually active before marriage, they start questioning her family background and bashing her character. Despite the fact that it requires at least two people to have sex, the society resorts to judging only the girl’s character. Similarly, girls are judged for watching porn. As if porn was solely made for boys, and sex is a basic need limited within men.
Prakash Karki
BBS 4th year
Though gender equality is discussed in various platforms, it’s not implemented in real life. This invites a clash between patriotic culture and modernization. In Kathmandu, the topic of a girl’s virginity does not interest boys and it does not matter to the younger generations. But girls are judged and expected to maintain their ‘character’ in rural areas, because people there believe that a girl’s virginity will make or break her marital life. Even in cases of major disagreement, a woman stays in the relationship because she fears isolation and judgment from society. Acceptance will play a major role in changing our scenario. I wouldn’t judge a girl based on her virginity or her choices.
