And as has been established previously (in my columns and elsewhere in life alike), books and real life are not necessarily based on the same foundation.[break]
Till a while back, I always thought of myself to be a very tolerant person – respectful of others’ cultures and others’ orientation and family values and of everything else in general.
Not until a few days back did I realize how intolerant I am of things that I’m not familiar with. Or if “tolerant” is too harsh a word, then perhaps condescending would be a better word.
Come to think of it, many of you too, like me, may be more intolerant/condescending than you let on. No wonder the concept of “cultural shock” exists.
To come from one place, one kind of thinking and one kind of values and then to use that as a base for understanding other cultures, or other age groups, or other relations, is a pretty complicated phenomenon I’ve begun to feel.
For instance, in this one particular country (let us call it C for reference here), it’s apparently absolutely normal to talk to one another in loud, very loud voices and have a blunt tone while addressing others.
People in this country C seem to be oblivious to more affectionate and milder mannerisms. Or maybe to be loud is to be affectionate in their culture (?).
On the other hand, I’m pretty sure the people of country C will have a hard time adjusting to the soft, mellow pace of the rest of the world because they seem to be so vociferous, if I may, in their approach to life.
And in all this, where do my sentiments stand when it comes to tolerance? I think you already know. But let me share a story with you about this matter anyway.
There I was sitting down when a citizen from country C started screaming and shouting at her fellow country mate, I presume. A lot of gibberish (to me) words were thrown in her direction in an ear-piercing voice.
This, needless to say, attracted a lot of stares from the people around and I shall admit that even I was among those staring.
All the while this was going on, I sat thinking they were having an argument and one was yelling at the other, making a rather unnecessary public display.
Not until much later into their loud conversation when I was forced to ask another person from the same country what was going on did I find out that they were merely talking about their new purchases at a mall.
Wow, I understand that shopping can be exciting, but I had never before seen such a level of excitement over shopping till then. Talk about different approaches to life!
For me, the whole experience was, at best, surprising. I have to admit that I was a bit irritated with them for creating such a commotion and being so disrespectful of those around. But hey, it all bottles down to tolerance, I guess.
To take yourself out of your shoes and place yourself in someone else’s – as the cleshay goes – I think requires also detaching yourself from your “customized” values.
It requires forgetting what you’ve learnt and adopting a fresh perspective. And even then, things aren’t that simple.
Let me share another experience here. So, like I mentioned earlier, we all learn about what it means to be accepting, and with that we learn not to judge anyone or anything else. But I must appreciate here how difficult the whole thing really is.
I have a lot of gay friends and I truly respect them. They are as similar to and as different from as any one of us. That having been said, I also want to mention how it’s not very common to see gay people growing up in Nepal.
This discrepancy in lifestyle obviously requires ideological overcoming. The bottom line here being I’m still getting used to the whole phenomenon.
In a crazy photo session, one of my friends may have done a slight effeminate pose. And in response to that, another of my friends remarked, “That was a very gay pose.” A horrible thing to say, but that thought had crossed my mind too – I’m sure like most people there.
Now given that we had no gay friends in that circle, it would be okay. But the fact was that we did. And to have to sit there and just try to avoid acknowledging what had just happened was one of the most awkward experiences of my life.
My point in all this being that if we were truly tolerant and welcoming of the diversity, there would be less room for such errors. We wouldn’t have to use the word “gay” in a condescending tone.
However, I do admit that all of us are trying and all of us are better for accepting more views than one. But the fact that we sometimes look at things from our culture makes me want to ask this fundamental question: How tolerant are we, really?
Ayushma Basnyat is a student of Political Science at Thammasat University who enjoys exploring life and all that it has to offer.
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