There is no task tougher than raising children. I knew this even before I had kids of my own. Though I have always loved kids, I have also feared being responsible for one. It is one thing to cuddle and gush over relatives' and friends' kids but it's a completely different ball game when the kid is yours.
It's not just chubby cheeks and dimpled smiles then. It is dirty diapers, sleepless nights, endless fights, messy rooms, spilled food, and everything that can (and will) wreck havoc on your perfectly blissful life. Yes, you never want to 'undo' your children but that doesn't stop you from complaining does it?
Sure, there are days when your little one makes your heart soar with a scrawled drawing of the whole family on your birthday, or by saying something 'cute' and 'adorable' which makes all the effort you put into parenting more than worth it. But what's also true is that 90% of the time you want to tear your hair and bang your head against the wall. Not many parents will admit this so readily. Admitting that your kids are a handful isn't a crime and it doesn't make you a bad parent.
I have a five year old son and a two year old daughter and God only knows how many times I have considered giving them up for adoption. Not a day goes by without one of them wailing and screaming because they didn't get what they wanted. There isn't a day I get to sleep more than five hours at night because one of them will always get up at four in the morning and won't go back to bed. If my two year old sleeps blissfully, that will be the day the five year old will decide to start bouncing on my bed at the break of dawn.
I've tried to teach my kids to love each other and I know that in the heart of their hearts they do, but that doesn't stop them from snatching away toys, refusing to share the last piece of chocolate, and demanding my husband and I prefer one over the other. Such is the sibling rivalry that when my daughter picked a shiny red car at the toy shop, my son decided he wanted the battery operated helicopter instead of the white van he had been clutching since arriving at the store. "If she gets a car, I want a helicopter," he had said.
But these are the lesser of my problems. Just like the horrifying changing diapers phase this too will soon be over. But, like all mothers, I want my kids to grow up to be wonderful people. I want them to be polite, courteous, and well behaved. I want them to say thank you and sorry like they mean it. I want them to be smart and confident. And I want to be proud of raising such kids.
This is perhaps the reason why I'm a stern mother and it's something I'm quite proud of. I give my kids time out and not let them watch their favorite cartoons if they have been behaving badly. I take away their favorite toy and hold on to it till they apologize for their mistakes. I punish them for bad behavior so often that I feel bad sometimes. After all, they are just kids.
But I remind myself that this will ensure they are disciplined besides giving me a breather from having to entertain them all the time. I know people who never punish their kids because they are too little to understand, they say. A friend was slapped by her three year old and she didn't even blink but just told her, kindly and softly, to not do it again. Had I been in her place, I'd have picked up the kid and put her in a high chair from where she couldn't wriggle out, lectured her for a full 20 minutes, and made her stay there till she said sorry.
I see a lot of undisciplined kids like that. They annoy me. But then again, it's not their fault. It's just that we, as parents, have made them so. Their being little shouldn't be an excuse to not train them early. I believe the earlier the better. When they are older, they won't suddenly start listening to you. I learnt this the hard way with my son.
I'm a lot stricter with my daughter and she's better behaved than my five year old son who still throws tantrums every now and then. Because I never gave him time out (a technique I applied on my daughter very early on) he finds this unusual now and wails even louder when locked up or made to sit in on the kitchen counter for extended lengths of time. But my daughter realizes that being put on the counter means she's been naughty and it's time to say sorry to mummy.
She realizes when no means a no and when it's negotiable. She will put back the thing she's randomly picked up during our trips to the grocery store when I tell her to. Sometimes it requires a stern glance or the threat of a time-out, but she listens to me. My friends are amazed when they see her being so obedient. Their kids, they tell me, are cute little nightmares. But there's no such thing as a 'cute' little nightmare. A nightmare is a nightmare. And it will be an even bigger nightmare later on if you don't tackle it right away.
The thing is you don't have to berate yourself or feel guilty about being strict with your child. Parenting is a tough job and it gets a lot tougher when kids don't behave well. Disciplining your child is for their own good, though they certainly will make your believe otherwise by getting all teary eyed and crying like they are hurt. But don't fall into that trap. Years later, they'll be the ones thanking you for having raised them right.
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