Science of puppy love

How many of you believe that you can find true love in school? If the same question were asked to me, I would look for the couples who were my schoolmates and were going around even after schooldays. Of course I would consider if their relationship ended in marriage or not, and I know most of us do the same—evaluate the success of a relationship depending on whether or not a couple tied the knot.

Eventually we will find that the cute 'lovebirds' of schooldays have long broken up and by now are happily married with someone else. When asked the reason behind it, the predictable answer is that the love in school was actually just a 'crush' or "we were kids then." Long story short, even the worst student of Math can easily add up the number of schooldays couples who actually went on to become spouses. So we draw the conclusion: No, we actually don't believe that true love can be found in school."This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet." (Romeo and Juliet) But, by contrast, somewhere deep down in our hearts, we also appreciate these lines by the great Shakespeare, and epitomize Romeo and Juliet as true lovers. What we ignore is the fact that they were two young teenagers in love.

Anyway, I'm not writing a critical analysis of 'Romeo and Juliet.' I just want to talk about the teenage love that blooms in school: Should we give them the right to fall in love? Should love in school be forbidden? If not for the rest of you, these questions are a matter of big headache to those of us working as a teacher or mentor.

But seriously, who are we to decide whether someone has the right to love his/her classmate? Are their little hearts going to follow orders when you tell them their classmates are just supposed to be their friends and nothing more? Do you really know by when you're going to fall in love? When is the right time to fall in love?

Falling in love at teen age is normal, and there are scientific facts to back up this fact. Numerous researches have shown that during the initial stages of love, a teen's body is flooded with testosterone and estrogen; in the second stage of love, s/he may experience an increase in hormones like dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine and during the last stage of love, his/her oxytocin and vasopressin levels increase. These hormones not only make the teens energetic and give them a feeling of newness, but also make them happier and healthier.

We all know that loving and being loved adds colors to our lives. It's a proven fact that it makes us happier and healthier, but somewhere we start assuming that falling in love is a crime and we try to forbid the feeling from growing inside us, especially when it comes to school goers. Isn't it hypocritical of us when we glorify the tales of Romeo and Juliet in class and yet tell them not to do the same?

Yes, I agree that as a responsible guardian we don't want our teenaged children to start a relationship for simple reasons like they aren't mature enough to handle the matters of the heart, but I believe that before scolding them for doing what they've done, it's also important to understand the science of love. Professor Arthur Aron form State University of New York, USA says that falling in love creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion.

It's a risky business, sure, and we don't want our child to suffer from heart break at such a young age, but we can always discuss the benefits of finding the balance in our relationship if we find our child being too involved or obsessed with it. Communicating clearly in every issue is wiser than scolding without understanding. The most important thing, in my opinion, is to remind them the goals they've set in life. Being firm is important, but being fair is necessary.

Bhawana is a Global Youth Ambassador of Education for United Nations' global education initiative, and Teach For Nepal Fellow.

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