It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship. I met this girl who I’m developing feelings for. We used to chat on a daily basis, till late and I asked her out and she accepted. Till now, we’ve gone out a number of times. She used to send me messages as well as missed calls (usually she was the first one to do so) but nowadays she hardly sends me one. She just replies when I send her one. The thing is that I really wanted this to work out so I took things slow with her. But now I think that she’s losing interest in me. Was taking things slow a big mistake? What do you think I should do? Should I just confess my love to her? I just can’t help but think about it.Please help.
- Confused Guy
Speed up dude!!! We are no longer in the world where lovers write letters and have little pigeons deliver them. The point is – you have to tell her unless she is a wizard who can read minds and hearts. The worst and the most unproductive part in a relationship is plucking out the petals of a rose and guessing – she loves me…she loves me not…she loves me…or may be not. When you meet someone who kindles fire in your heart, and in whose heart you start a fire, the idea is to keep the fire going. If you light the fire and hide in a corner plucking roses, it doesn’t take too long for the fire to turn into ashes. Tell her, at least you will know if there is that fire.
Dear Swastika,
Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for the past four years and you know what four years mean. But we belong to same cast (Ghimire) and same ‘gotra’. Although, I’m not a religious person, I fear no one will accept us in the future and won’t be able to get married. We are on our last semesters and whenever I think about this, it hurts a lot. We cannot imagine living separately. It’s killing me from the inside. Please help.
- GG
Look deep inside your heart, and look deep into the heart of your beloved. There is obviously a lot of love. But what you need to look for is whether both of you have the courage that it takes to move on with a relationship that is not accepted by family and society. Most of the time, family and society pressures take a toll on married life. You need to look into your hearts and figure out if you can sustain that love in the context where you would be rejected and where doors will be shut on you. There are times in life where the choices are difficult and we can’t have it both ways. This is the time where you make that difficult choice. Ask your hearts, what you can take and what you can’t.
Dear Swastika,
I have been in arelationship for about two years now and I love him so much. But day by day, I’m starting to feel insecure about our relationship. We fight all the time now without any reason. What should I do to maintain our relationship? I don’t want to lose him.
–MK
Relationship is not a car that you can maintain. When the magic disappears, it disappears. Sometimes, we fall in love for all the right reasons and then we grow out of it just the way we grow out of that beautiful pink dress from our childhood. Just like a child who leaves the safety of her mother’s warmth and enters the school for the first time, or a woman who leaves her world behind to enter the world of her husband, - there’s always a sense of insecurity that creeps into our hearts. But while there is fear of losing, there is a reality of new possibilities. We leave behind our old lives and enter a new one. We will fall in love again.
Dear Swastika,
About three months ago, I started smoking. It started off as something I’d do only when I was with friends and when I was drinking but now I’m sort of addicted to it. I’ve also started smoking marijuana and my friends say that I’ve changed a lot. Also, I feel dizzy after smoking. I’m 20 and I don’t know where I’m going with this. I tried quitting but I get so cranky when I’m not smoking. Hope you can help.
–Smoker
Once upon a time, there were five frogs sitting on a rock just chatting away for hours. They kept thinking that they should go back to work in the pond but they were having way too much fun. There was one hard working frog amongst them who felt the urge to get back to his duty. But there was too much peer pressure to hang out. Finally, it was unbearable. He was sure that he’s going to get in trouble if he doesn’t get back home right away and finish his chores. So he decided to jump back into the pond and head home. You might think that now there are only four frogs left on the rock. You’re wrong. All five frogs are still there. Simply because you “decide,” or “want” to do something doesn’t mean that it gets done. Find a way, seek support of family and friends, see a doctor, but for god’s sake - Jump!!!
Swastika Shrestha is the founder of Anuvuti – a social enterprise that engages young people in service-learning. She’s has been coaching and mentoring young people in different capacities for over a decade.
Related story
Why are we alive?
