We are caught unaware by aging. We are unwilling to acknowledge that we too will get old soon
Some thoughts are so strong they literally refuse to go away. With age such thoughts become even stronger. Yes, you have one too. The thought of aging, a beautiful and graceful process initially, but with each passing year, progressively ugly, if you do not keep changing your perception of aging.
I still remember my college days when my teachers were all ancient, although they were only 30. I also remember my brother caring for me and spending time with me. I remember sitting on the backseat of his tricycle, and the two of us eating cheese and powder milk under the bed. He was my idol.
Passage of time changes everything. Perceptions change, situations change and with that, life takes a different course. As a child I did not understand much then. All I knew was that my brother was very sick and would never be the same again and that we will have to care for him for the rest of his life. Never in my life did I imagine that I would be part of the caring team for the person who cared so much about me.
Making commuter’s life comfortable inside the bus
Time indeed passes fast and in no time at all the ones who cared for us are the ones who we have to care for. We never imagine that one day we will have such a situation at hand. We always believe our elders will remain the same, forever. We are so emotionally distracted that the reality of their aging never even crosses our mind.
Yes, we all are guilty of this. We feel that our elders are our role models and they will always stay the same. We don’t have time to look at the signs that are glaring at us, telling us, ‘listen we are not the same, we are gradually changing, don’t expect too much from us. We might not be able to perform routines that you call normal without help’. We keep thinking that they can perform the same activities as before.
We are disappointed when one fine morning they fail to do things they have been doing without help so far. We fail to recognize our elders have been so busy making life easier for us, they have not thought of themselves or about their comfort at all. Sacrificing for their children’s comfort and wellbeing has become a habit for them. They are more concerned about preserving what assets are left and passing them on to the next generation. They want to see everyone well settled without any financial constraints, utilizing the family’s assets well. While doing all this, however, at some point, the aging process catches up.
This is also true of us; we too are caught unaware by aging. We are unwilling to acknowledge that we will get old soon enough. My biggest worry is the tendency to take things for granted to the point of negligence. We either overlook or take too long to plan for our elderly and ourselves for advanced years. It is usually a crisis such as a fall, sudden illness or some other precipitating event that wakes us up to the reality. Unfortunately, by that time, it is often late to do anything about the eventual outcome and the family is not ready to accept responsibility for oversight and neglected care.
Yes, I understand urbanization has taken its toll and our societies are changing faster than we would like to acknowledge. The aspirations of the youth have gone up and there is an increase of women in the workforce. All good signs, but as a result the system of care and support for the elderly is getting marginalized. We don’t realize that they become unsocial because of their gradual loss of hearing and memory. They do not have enough curiosity in reading or watching TV because of their failing eyesight and we call them difficult people. I know some of you are saying that they tend to be stubborn. Yes, indeed, but there is a reason for that. We realize they are getting old, but they don’t think they are old. They want to exercise the same strength as before and thus land in odd situations and get harmed. Injury and old age do not get along well. Often the healing process is slow, but with lots of encouragement and positive thinking nothing is impossible.
Some think, ‘why spent so much time and money on an elderly person who is not going to live long?’ My response is, ‘how do you know how long a person will live?’ My father tells me that a person’s birth chart is made keeping in mind a person’s life is 120 years. So it is always a good idea to get the elderly treated properly, and keep them in good health, considering that the person might live to be 120 and that healthy life is much better than being sick and dependent for both the parties: the ones being cared for and the caretakers.
Getting them back on their feet with a lot of positive thinking and encouragement is the best option under the circumstances. The least we can do is make life easier for our elders. Listen to them seriously and make an effort to sort out issues that are constantly bothering them. The elderly do not need our sympathy; they need our compassion. We need to be more perceptive.
Finally, don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to give people a guilty trip with my writing. This, in fact, is product of my own realization. Sudden turn of events in my family forced me to rethink as to what I have done to make life easier for the elderly in my family. Did I perchance overreact to their constant forgetfulness; their lack of strength; their stubbornness; their repetition of old events again and again; or so many other things that the elderly are prone to?
I believe we need to have enough patience and resolve to be helpful. Our thoughts and actions are going to make a difference to them; the younger generation that is watching us and taking notes of our actions. Sure enough, they will learn from us and that learning will be directed at us sooner rather than later, when we stand on that pedestal of old age ourselves. Give it a thought, will you?
The author an educationist and author of several children’s books
usha@pokharel.net
