From ex-rebel to writer

Once she embraced the Maoists dogma but now she refrains from any political ideologies. She wants to live as a commoner and tread on paths as mentored by her elders.



For Tara Rai, 20, while walking down memory lane, the moments of pain she has lived tends to outnumber that of the victory she has attained lately as a writer.[break]



“I walked on thorns and savored agony in my life,” says Rai.



Her debut book—Chapamar Yuwati Ko Diary (The Diary of Rebel Girl)—was much acclaimed and her foray into writing despite being only partially educated gathered accolades.



“I don’t have any regrets in my life. Nor do I have sour feelings towards anybody.”



As a writer, she thanks life for being an unconventional. Had life been a bed of roses, she would have never accomplished what she has now.



STOLEN CHILDHOOD



Born to an alcoholic father and a homemaker mother at Aathghare of Panchakanya VDC in Ilam, Rai spent most of her childhood with her maternal grandparents.



“My mother moved to her parents’ place (in Lapsibot) as my father used to frequently fight with her.”



Rai unfolds her past, a past which wasn’t easy.



Her mother took pain in bringing her up because of limited livelihood opportunities in the village. She stayed at Lapsibot until the age of seven and returned to Aathghare only to see her father create more nuisances.



“My father was still the same. The quarrel between my mother and father multiplied in frequency and

intensity. I was robbed of my childhood days.”



Despite the environment at home, Rai went to grade six. But she was frustrated with her father and she finally decided to leave home.



LIFE AS A REBEL



Rai was 15 when she joined the rebel force in January 2005.



“I resorted to joining the rebels rather than bearing the brunt of my father back home,” she says. However, she used to miss home so much that she thought many times of abandoning the force.



Rai was deputed in the cultural group as she was a passionate singer. She never used firearms and she was squeamish about bloodshed.



As she went on singing to the tunes of revolutionary songs, she had least known about the looming disaster that was to befall her.



“Comrades, the enemy!” shouted her mates one day. To her dismay, then Royal Nepal Army soldiers had cordoned off the place. Though her fellow comrades had narrow escape, Rai could not make her way out due to her health ailment—rheumatic fever. She was arrested in May 2005.







SERVING TERM IN PRISONS



Rai says she didn’t receive any physical torture from the security forces during her imprisonment.



“I was kept in a prison in Ilam briefly and then I was transferred to Jhapa jail,” says Rai who was ultimately taken to the Biratnagar jail where she spent the rest of her term.



Her jail term helped her to have closer acquaintances with the realities of life and she became a sophisticated individual.



The April Uprising (Jana Andolan II) instilled new hopes in her and with its success, she walked out free in May 2006.



MORPHING INTO A WRITER



No sooner had Rai arrived in her village, the news of her return spread like wildfire.



“I was ill-treated everywhere. They said I spent months with the security personnel and raised many questions over my ‘purity,’” recalls Rai.



Determined to challenge the social odds, Rai moved to her brother’s place in Jhapa. Back then, she heard about a radio program—Karabaska Samjhanaharu (Memories from the jail life)—broadcast from Kanchanjunga FM. She approached the radio station where she was given a nod to share her own experiences.



“It was the FM officials who inspired me to write,” shares Rai. “After toiling hard for months, the manuscript of the diary was ready.”



The miracle happened. The want to shed light onto her jail life so that it could be an eye opener to the villagers back in Ilam finally bore fruits.



“I’ve tried to convey a message in my book that security personnel are not as vile as stereotyped. They can even lend a helping hand,” notes Rai.



LESSONS FROM LIFE



Keeping aside the accomplishments, Rai considers that her decision to join the rebel force then was an immature one.



“My young mind tempted me to do so and I took the decision in haste,” Rai says. She opines that embarking on such a dreadful journey may cost one’s life.



“I was fortunate enough to return alive.”



That’s why she says she wants to obey her guardians from now on and that she is least interested to take any steps on her own.



The cool breeze sneaking into the empty space of the room invigorates her…and there she goes capping her memory, “No regrets, and no complaints.”

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