We sat down with three young students to find out what goes on when you’re compared or if you’re the one being compared to your siblings.[break]
Participants
Suvasies Parajuli, 18, class 12, GoldenGate International College
Laxmi Mainali, 18, Global College of Management
Shristi Maharjan, 17, A J Wild Institute of Advanced Studies
Do you think you’re compared to your siblings? What are the things you’re compared about?
Suvasies: There’s a saying in Nepali, ‘jetho bau ko pyaro, kancho aama ko pyaro’. I’m the middle son in the family and when I was younger I would feel that my parents didn’t love me. I was very naughty and I would often get beatings and punishments which led me to think that I was unloved, or at least not as much loved as my brothers were. My elder brother is the one I get measured up to. I was always told to be more like him. My parents, my teachers and my relatives would ask me why I couldn’t learn something from him.
Laxmi: I’m also the middle child. I have two brothers. But they’re the ones who get compared to me since I do well in my studies as well as extracurricular activities. I take dancing, singing and acting lessons and I’m considered to be an obedient daughter, as well. So my parents think that I give them reasons to be proud at home, in the society and in college.
My elder and younger brothers get compared to me. My elder brother is doing his Bachelor’s but my parents want him to ask for my help if he encounters any problem in his studies. I also win prizes, and if I want anything, my parents never refuse me. It’s not the same for my brothers and they complain at times.
Shristi: I have a younger brother who gets compared to me. Our parents mostly compare our academic achievements. I’m more intelligent than him and I also easily agree to do the household chores. My brother is stubborn and needs to be told more than once.
Bhaswor Ojha/Republica
From L to R: Suvasies Parajuli, Laxmi Mainali and Shristi Maharjan.
How do you think your brothers feel when they’re compared to you?
Laxmi: I think they feel angry at times, but then they also accept that I’m more talented than them. They never fight with me, though. They’ve also improved, especially my younger brother.
Shristi: He gets angry some times. But we’re close to each other and we share things. I advise him and then he doesn’t mind as much.
How did you deal with being compared?
Suvasies: I felt very angry every time people would compare me to my brother. I would fight with my parents and even accuse them of not loving me. Even my teachers and relatives would compare us. My parents would always advice me and I guess, I realized as I grew older that I did need to improve myself. I tried harder in my studies and behaved better, too. I can’t be like my brother but I’ve learned a lot from him. He’s made me value education. My parents have almost stopped doing it now.
Why do you think parents compare their children?
Laxmi: Well, because not all children are equal. Parents tend to compare with the hope that their children will learn from each other’s strengths. If there’s anything that can be improved, then maybe comparing your child to his own sibling can do that. Even a single child gets compared to his cousins. I think that’s why parents compare.
A positive outcome from this comparison could be the will or determination to do something. A person should always be determined because that will ensure that you get somewhere and achieve something.
Suvasies: Parents would like to see that their children are talented and are doing well in life. And seeing a comparatively naughty or weaker child makes them worried.
Shristi: It’s also to show to the society, I think. My brother’s improved because of this.
How does it feel to be the person who does everything better?
Shristi: It’s a responsibility and a burden. If I ever slip up or do something wrong, then my parents will always ask me what will happen to my brother and it irritates me. It makes me feel that I have to do it, for the sake of my brother.
Laxmi: It is indeed a lot of pressure. Family and society is there to bind me every time I want to relax and have fun. Sometimes, even I want to go out of track but I can’t because I have this image of being responsible and good. My parents will enquire why I’ve changed suddenly. At times like these, I think to myself that I should have never been a good girl. I think we feel more pressurized as we have a lot of expectations to fulfill.
Do you believe that comparison makes you better?
Laxmi: I know it’s wrong to compare people but I also believe that without comparison there’s no improvement in a person. A sense of competitiveness is good and will help us achieve a lot of things. I feel if I had an elder sibling to advise and push me perhaps I would have done much better.
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