“Childhood was a difficult time for me, I was a boy but I felt more like a girl,” says Hasna, 25, who identifies more as third-gender because he enjoys makeup and female attire. He remembers being teased at school for being feminine and recounts his teacher punishing him for dancing dressed as a girl. Such incidents forced him to drop out of school after 7th grade. [break]
At 16, Hasna realized he was gay and when 18 his family discovered his sexual orientation when his father caught him fornicating with another man. He then joined Blue Diamond Society (BDS) and talked heart-to-heart with others about his sexuality. “I´m very happy after I came out and joined BDS because I have a large circle of friends around me and people who understand me.”
However, Hasna has not experienced the same level of acceptance he had received at BDS when he moved elsewhere. Currently, he is working as a volunteer for street children. Previously, he worked at the airport as a housekeeper where coworkers teased him day in and day out, and one even went to the extent of attempting to rape him. “I was afraid of what would happen after that so I left that job,” he says, “I am still not accepted by our generation.”
Another third-gender, who recounts a similar tale, is Halesta, 24, who is also an innocent victim of attempted rape by a former employer. Halesta mentions how difficult it is to find work where he is accepted and not subject to verbal and physical harassment. Due to these unfortunate circumstances he is left without options and has resorted to becoming a sex worker.
Despite having suffered from identity crisis at the age of 12, depression and attempted suicide, Halesta is still finding his place in society. An orphan, Halesta´s sisters accept who he is but his brothers ostracized him and withheld his inheritance since he refused to marry a girl.
Hasna and Halesta have fallen victims to prejudices and their feminine mannerisms have come under attack. On the other hand, Kalpana, 25, is lesbian and hasn´t come out to friends or family yet. “I definitely plan on telling them,” she says, adding that she will tell her family first. “I can´t tell them until society makes it more acceptable, it´s a slow process.”
Currently obtaining Bachelors in Commerce, Kalpana blends in with friends who are clueless. Being a female who looks the part, she hasn´t suffered the way Hasna and Halesta have. “Being a woman comes with different issues,” she says and adds, “As a female we are facing different kinds of stigmas and discrimination”. She doesn´t feel the need to add her sexual orientation into the mix just yet.
Kalpana says, “There´s nothing to say we have to be heterosexual. Whatever we are, we need to be happy with that. Don´t be depressed - come out! Be able to share this and be happy, focus on what you want”.
She is confident her friends will accept her when she does come out. “Everyone has read more about LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) and are slowing becoming more educated”, she says but is still private about her two year relationship with her third-gender partner Laxmi.
Laxmi, 24, has known about her female preference and masculine tendencies since she was 12. At a glance her short hair and get-up leads you to believe that she is male, evident in how people usually refer to her as “younger brother”. Open for four years, Laxmi happily shares that she is accepted by everyone in her life.
She admits, “When I was young I used to feel alone and didn´t know why I was the way I was; I was afraid of being discovered by others and would beat me up.” Fortunately, her friends understood she was third-gender without her proclaiming her sexuality. Laxmi believes there is acceptance in Kathmandu and other urban areas which is a direct influence of the media.
Accepting sexuality is difficult especially at a young age, however, at 18, Anil embraces his gay identity and declares, “I was teased a lot as a child but all these situations made me strong.” He adds how he avoided depression, “I was able to accept who I am. These qualities make me who I am today.” Unfortunately, everyone isn´t as accepting of themselves and others.
To gain acceptance in the rest of the country, Halesta suggests that schools educate children about sexual minority groups. “If you´re exposed to it young then you won´t discriminate.” Hasna agrees and adds, “If children are open to men loving men, then it makes it easier for us to come out.” Halesta says, “I want my other third-gender friends to be able to come out too.”
For those who can relate, Hasna informs about centers in places like Kirtipur with volunteers who can help you come out. If you abuse sexual minorities or make a mock of them, he has one thing to add, “The LGBT community is not a bad community. We are also people, we also want love and care like everyone else. When you see us third-gender people, don´t think badly of us - we are also humans like your family, look at us that way too”.
Names have been changed in order to protect identities.
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