His father, scared of being scolded for breaking a small kerosene lamp, ran away from home to start a life from the scratch. My grandfather rarely attended school because he bunked to go and watch movies in the theaters with the money he got for lunch. He laughs and acknowledges that he’s metric fail. He realized soon enough how important good education was and while he started working with his dad, he made sure his children and grandchildren got the best of education he could provide them. He was flaked at that time for sending his children to boarding school. Today, they are his hope and pride.[break]
He was married as early as at nineteen. When I, his eldest grandchild, was born, he was middle-aged. I consider myself fortunate to have spent quality time with him. My sister and I used to wait for him to tell us a story every night. He narrated the same story with the same enthusiasm and antics every time, and we enjoyed it all the same. I accompanied him on his motorcycle to buy vegetables in Ason and was treated to jalebis at Tip Top. He played badminton with us, watched World Cup Football games late at night and evaluated the whole game before going to bed. I probably have the most to tell my younger siblings about our grandpa. Though now, I do notice how age has caught up on him.
Illustration: Sworup Nhasiju
He tires easily. He hasn’t been as fit as he would like to be which makes him irritable and frustrated. He sleeps early and naps often in the day. We don’t watch football matches together anymore. Instead, I give him the match summary and show him the highlights. For someone who’s been very active most of his life, to settle down to a retired lifestyle seems painful. I didn’t notice this for a while. One day, the same hands that held me when I took my first steps, grabbed mine to climb stairs. It was surreal: we had swapped places.
In the hustle and bustle of a fast-paced life and in the midst of sorting out our individualistic goals, we tend to sideline the relationships closest to us. We care for these relationships but fail to express it as much, thinking that it’s understood.
Maybe it isn’t!
My grandma sits down with me and talks for hours about people I don’t even know about. I listen and try to be engaging. She tells me the same stories about her yesteryears over and over again. Yes, I do lose my patience. But, for her, that’s how her legacy will live on. Now I recognize that.
Grandparents can be unreasonable and unwilling to change the status quo. That’s just how it is. The sandwich generation – the generation taking care of their aging parents and also struggling to raise their kids – is overwhelmed with all the responsibility and it becomes a delicate balancing act. However, if grandparents and their grandchildren grow ‘old’ together, it’s surprising how comfortable they are with each other despite the generational gap. As caregivers, give them that space – it builds a bond that in most cases lasts a lifetime. No matter how far away you go, you keep coming back to the bond that you built as a kid and that’s what the old crave.
To be heard, to be engaged in family affairs, to feel pride in your accomplishments, to see you happy and healthy, to feel that even when they can’t contribute much anymore, they are still an integral part of their younger ones’ lives: This is all your aging loved ones seek from you. They don’t want to feel old and there’s no right or wrong way to care for them. Each individual is different and that’s why it’s important to talk to your loved ones and understand their needs. Listen to them, spend good time with them, talk to them, involve them and just lend out those hands to embrace them because our grandparents’ stories are indirectly where ours begin.
The writer is an aspiring and unrelenting story teller.
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