It is no secret that the world has been to the outermost reaches of extremism throughout the past century— from fascism to absolute communism— and it has survived.[break]
When communism in Berlin fell down with The Wall, our parents breathed a sigh of relief, little knowing that there would always be those that are hell-bent on suppressing free thoughts, democracy, and more importantly, accountability.
The sad truth is that idealists will never go away; they’ll just surface again with a new corporate identity, although not necessarily as barbaric or foolhardy.
In my country, I feel some of these idealists exist under the “environmentalist” banner. And this time, in their quest to bring down commercialism and be environmentally friendly, they seem to have hit my nerve.
An environmentalist I met recently told me, “If the world carries on like this, oblivious to the harm each person’s daily activity is causing to the planet, we won’t have a planet for our children to live in.” Bullshit!
On the contrary, I think because we don’t think about future generations, they will never forget us.
I have firm reasons to believe that most of the “environmentalists” aren’t bothered about the environment at all; their “cause” is just an effective weapon which will get their pictures published, earn enough air time in the media to support their fundraising campaigns and provide a relevant excuse to drive around in their SUVs wearing imported clothes brought during their one too many seminars abroad on “The Impact of Climate Change,” complete with the trip’s pictures on their Facebook accounts.
“Our job requires us to travel to various parts of the country,” they say. “Hence, a SUV is a necessity, not an exception.” Horseshit!
Let me fill you in on a few facts. I recently read that the London Marathon generates more carbon dioxide than every Grand Prix in the whole Formula One calendar, including the one that is being held in New Delhi in October this year. So what, right? We still cheer the skinny muscular marathon runners on television when they near the finishing line, don’t we? For people like you and me know that only real men can run marathons.
If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon. Apparently, a house produces more global warming gases than your car.
That is, unless you drive a truck that has 20 wheels and delivers Jagadamba Premium Cement.
According to Friends of the Earth, a federation of autonomous environmental organizations, 97% of the world’s carbon dioxide is generated by Nature. And that, even if the remaining 3% isn’t absorbed by the oceans, the resultant heat rise will create more vibrant weather, more snowfall over land, and therefore, lower sea levels. But hey, if they can get away with killing good trees to put out bad newspapers, this doesn’t sound all that bad to me.
Thus, I wish to reiterate that cars don’t cause asthma. But the eco-tuktuks tell us to leave our cars at home and take the bus when I can finally afford a car.
Why? If they had their way, they would have us all living up in “environmentally friendly” tree houses, not washing our hair to “save” water. We need to understand that environmentalists must do so because their views are so completely at odds with what is realistic.
For example, ever wondered why solar cars haven’t taken off after all these years? Simply put, it’s because the oil industry doesn’t own the sun.
This phenomenon is called reality. Always keep in mind that God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
It’s no secret then that some things in life are predefined and simpler to decipher. When I suffer from coughing fits, I take a combination of T. Ebast, T. Montair and Codophos once a day for 10 days to cure the problem. When I’m cold, I put the heater on.
When I’m cold and there’s no electricity, I put on my down jacket and curse the weather. When I go out, I take the car. When I’m hungry in the middle of the night, I order a large tuna sandwich with extra cheese and eggs at Sandwich Point. And when I have a terrible cold, I’ll switch to whiskey despite my profound loyalty to beer.
These things make life fun and easy. They provide jobs, generate wealth.
They keep society moving down its chosen path. Take them away, and we’d have to think again.
Why do people give each other flowers? How do killing living creatures to celebrate various important occasions justify anything? Hell, why restrict it to plants only? Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweetheart! Here, take this dead cat. I found him on the streets, run over by a truck. He was already dead when I found him.
See what I mean? In order to practice what the environmentalists preach, we’d have to invent a system where money played no part, so that there was nothing to be gained from making something which may damage the environment.
Come to think of it, if the environmentalists ever realize their dreams, you can kiss goodbye to free thoughts and wave hello to the Gestapo or the KGB, or whatever they decide to call their secret police.
In fact, I strongly believe that environmentalism is every bit as dangerous as totalitarianism or absolute communism that discourages people from speaking out against issues they don’t believe in.
But we need not worry. Extremism has been and will always be defeated by commonsense because I think that all the good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all the good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all the good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired.
I’m certainly not, and I’m sick and tired of being told that I am.
Having said that, it’s highly likely that your grandchildren will find it incredible or even sinful that you burnt up a liter of petrol to fetch a pack of cigarettes back in your days. But if your grandchildren end up as smokers just like you, trust me, they’ll understand.
However, there’s hope still. Our children may yet save us if they are taught to care properly for the planet, starting now.
But if not, we may have to go back to the age where we’ll be confined to watching stars in the night sky instead of the television, plucking and eating fruits from the trees instead of driving to Bhatbhateni Supermarket on Saturday mornings, letting the hair grow all over the face instead of carefully plucking them and applying an expensive aftershave afterwards, drinking homemade liquor instead of buying alcohol in a bottle labeled with a ridiculous tax bracket, walking around and hunting for a living instead of driving to the office and staying cooped up in front of a computer in a cubicle for eight hours a day.
No more traffic jams, no more drugs, no nuclear weapons, no more politicians, and no threats to existence or free minds.
Come to think of it, that might not be such a bad idea, after all.
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