I'm 20. My close friends are abroad or preparing to go abroad and I'm stuck in this country. Most of my relatives are also in different parts of the world. My life is about going to college and then spending the rest of the day doing nothing at all. My parents don't allow me to go out much so I just spend most of my time chatting on Facebook or watching TV. At times it bothers me that I'm wasting my life, especially when I see my friends doing different interesting things. Another annoying thing is that my friends and relatives often ask me to do this or that in favor for them as they think I have so much free time. I'm tired of doing things for them but I don't know how to say no to them. How can I change my life?
--Meera
I am also stuck in this country, so that makes the two of us (hahaha).
How can you change your life? You know, you could go to any place in the world and still find yourself chatting on Facebook or watching TV. Where you go has nothing to do with the assurance of a meaningful life. So before thinking about how you can change your life, maybe it is important to ask yourself – what do you want to change your life into?
If you want to be abroad for the sake of getting "unstuck" from this country then I would advise you to file for your passport as soon as possible, and start filing for residency or apply for student visas. It is easy to unstuck from this country. You just have to catch the wind of migration and follow the crowd.
Now finding meaning and purpose is a whole different agenda. It is not that easy. There is no pitched road leading towards it – no waves or winds of migration to sway you there. You have to carve your own path. There might be very few walking on that path but you might find yourself alone at times. The final destination is also not clear. You never know what is the meaning and purpose that you will eventually land up with. I'm not sure if you want to start this journey that is more difficult, and whose destiny is unclear, too.
But if you do, then well, that will make the two of us.
You have to create your own path to self-discovery and a meaningful life. My path was the path of service. I explored the world through service. I served children who were battling with cancer and realized that I can make them happy for the day but I can't fight with the inevitability of sickness and death. I served people who were suffering and I realized that I can solve a problem for them but I don't have enough compassion within me to free them from their vicious cycle of karma. And every time I was faced with what I can and can't change, that humility and strength brought me closer to realizing who I was and what the meaning and purpose of my life was. Additionally, my spiritual quest led to me a Guru whose teachings and blessings allow me to continue to search for my 'self' along with the meaning and purpose of life.
Some find themselves and life's meaning in serving others. Some even find it in selfless service to their family and relatives. Some find it in religious teachings and some in spiritual quests. Some find it in the pursuit of their deepest passion – travels, reading, writings, or arts.
This is a difficult path, this is a path less traveled. But once you find the path and start walking, you will build the path and the path will build you. Then there will be a day that you will neither feel stuck nor feel liberated. The entire world will begin to appear the same. Only thing that will matter is that your life will have changed...you will have become different...and what you seek in life will be much more meaningful.
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Change of Guard and OBOR
Dear Swastika,
My father's always been an unreliable man and my parents have been separated for more than half of my life. He was never there for us emotionally and he was also never a strong source of financial support. It was my mother's side of the family who helped educate my older sister and I, and later my sister who put me through college. We only see him once in a while. The last time I saw him was three years ago, I think. The problem now is that he has sent us messages about wanting to sell two plots of land over which he and my mother have joint ownership. I heard from relatives that he needs the money badly. My mother refuses to do anything that will help him while my sister thinks it's a good idea to sell them off and finally cut all ties with him. I'm not sure what I want but this whole situation has really affected my mother's health. Our relatives have different opinions, and that's not helping. What can I do to ease the whole situation?
--Kriti
Your mother must be such a strong person to raise you and your siblings despite all the difficulties. She must have persevered through such great degree of physical and emotional hardships to raise you both successfully. I'm sure that the gratefulness you feel for her at this moment makes you wish you could take away all her suffering for her.
There must have been at least one time where your mother sat by you as you suffered from a bad fever or some other illness. Your mother must have nursed you by taking care of all your small needs—checking on you every hour to make sure you had enough pillows, readjusting it again and again to make you comfortable. I'm sure that your mother, like all mothers do, wished that she could just take all your illness and suffering on to herself. But she knew she couldn't. So instead, that's what she did—she took care of all the small things to make it easier for you to go through what you were suffering.
Right now, when your mother is going through a tough time, you might not be able to take away her suffering. She has to go through the suffering that is destined and survive it. But you can take care of all the small things for her with all the love and gratefulness that you feel within you. Make her tea when she's feeling tired and low. Hold her, hug her. Simply by touching, you can transfer your loving energy to your mother and she'll feel the difference. Rub on some balm on her forehead when she's lying down. Give her a massage when she's not well. Cook for her sometimes and relieve her from her daily duties. If she worships, get her flowers to worship with and decorate the place of worship so it gives calming energy. Keep the house the way she likes. Light up some candles and incense sticks every evening. Plant some seasonal flowers around the house. If she likes, put on some soothing music every now and then. Talk to her about good times you've had. Look at old pictures that remind her how she's been strong all these years and that she can do it one more time.
The most important thing for you to do is to empathize with her without being affected by it. Take care of yourself; make sure that you keep your spirits high. When we shine with all the light that is within us, it is so contagious that it gives other people the permission to shine with all the light that is within them.
I send you lots of love and prayers.
