Shyam Prasad Adhikari, a former secretary, is a typical case. Of his three sons and one daughter, two have settled in Australia, one in the United States and one in Canada.
His children want him to join them. But Adhikari, who did his own studies in the States, is adamant his place will always be in New Baneshwor, Kathmandu.
“I am retired, but not yet tired,” says the seventy-something year old who finds meaning of life in the intimate connection he enjoys with his friends, and in the writing and consultancy work he does.
His need for a society is stronger than his need to live with his children.
“My children want me to live with them, but just a week with them in a foreign land and I am bored,” says the gregarious Adhikari.
Adhikari’s problem, like that faced by many parents of non-resident Nepalis, is the social isolation they feel in a foreign country.
Like Adhikari, many parents have given up their lifelong desire to live with their children in their old age because their social and cultural affinity to Nepal is indelible.
Those children who have settled abroad are not ignorant towards the problems faced by their parents.
Krishna Risal, now settled in Moscow, Russia, shared this about his parents’ visit to Moscow, “Just after a few weeks of living there, my parents started begging me to return them to our ancestral house in Chitwan.
“I tried all that I could to make them happy,” he added. “But they felt no connection with my current way of life and grew homesick.”
Some parents try hard to tame this feeling, but the success rate isn’t encouraging.
Subarna Manjari Sharma, who has a son and three daughters, is a case in point. Her son went to the States as a student in 1987 and eventually settled in Fortworth, Texas.
Sharma and her husband, Ram Prasad, are now back in Kathmandu after a two-and-a-half year stay with their son.
“I had a great desire to live with my son,” says the elderly lady, “After living with him for a few years, I feel a lot more relaxed within. Now it doesn’t matter where I stay, I leave it to my husband to decide,” she said.
The Sharmas now divide their time among their three daughters who live in Kathmandu.
Despite the risk of loneliness, parents do not want their children to sacrifice their career and lifestyle dreams for them.
Lekh Nath Chalise of Pokhara, preparing to send his two sons abroad, says, “I don’t expect my children to care for me when I am old. I am eagerly awaiting the day they leave Nepal, so that my responsibility towards them is over and I am free.”
His sons are now completing their bachelor degrees and are in the process of applying to colleges abroad.
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