I hate arguments and go to extreme lengths to avoid a confrontation. But life is life and things are thus not always agreeable and sometimes I do end up having disagreements with people.
What I dislike the most about having to disagree with someone and then defend my stance is that first, people usually don’t listen to you and then, there are not willing to even consider where you are coming from.
Often times, a compromise is out of the question because most people always want to be right and prove the other person wrong, 100%. It’s hardly ever about meeting someone halfway.
Also, most people fail to see the logic or be logical when they are upset or angry. Feeling angry isn’t necessarily a problem, but it’s about how one handles that anger. Except a few people, everyone I have encountered so far lets their anger get the best of them. They scream, sulk, and hold grudges. And they never ever fight fair.
People resort to referencing irrelevant details just to prove their point. Confirming your “rightness” by highlighting the other person’s “wrongness” is what most people often do. This usually sends an argument off track and lands you in a place where you forget what you were fighting for.
Month-long fair begins in Chovar hill in Kathmandu
Some people I know stoop even as low as lying and fabricating stories. It is these people who I fear and despise in equal measure. You can fight logic with logic and argue with someone, hoping to resolve the conflict, if that person is moral and open-minded. But how does one deal with people who take to name calling and making personal attacks?
Let’s face it. Fights happen. Because no two people are alike and it’s the difference that creates contradictory emotions and beliefs, leading to disagreements. But can’t we all fight fair? Can’t we teach our kids to be willing to accept a difference in opinion and not be offended by it?
At a party recently, I met a young boy, who couldn’t have been more than eight years old, and he was hitting and pinching whoever tried to talk to him or hold him (and then glaring at them and making faces). Really, has our generation failed as parents? What are we teaching our kids? (But that’s not really what I want to get into right now.)
Anyway, when he tried to slap my arm, as I was getting him to stop abusing my cousins, I caught hold of him and told him he shouldn’t hurt people like that. He said he was fighting back and that there were no rules in fighting and thus he could do whatever he wanted to. Needless to say I was shocked by his behavior and didn’t know how to react. The boy proceeded to slap me across my back and he even threw a paper napkin at me, a bonus for the lecture I had given him I suppose.
It got me thinking. The boy might have been undisciplined but what he said is how most people feel when they fight with someone. There are no rules and people say/do whatever they want.
I have an aunt who is, quite frankly speaking, crazy. She will start fighting with you the minute you disagree with her. Even something as a simple “But I don’t think that’s true” or “I have something to say” can send her into a mad screaming fit and she will start verbally abusing you. As long as you agree with her and nod to what she’s saying, all’s well and good, but God forbid you have a different opinion.
I guess everyone has met people like that in their lives and the sad thing is that there’s no way you can ever hope to get your point across with these kinds of people. I have tried and failed multiple times and, you could say, learnt my lesson the really hard way. Reasoning with unreasonable people will only drain your energy and leave you feeling even more infuriated.
It’s the unfairness of it that makes my blood boil. Illogical and unreasonable people often get their way and get away with a lot of things that fighting fair just doesn’t make allowances for.
However, I don’t want to stoop low and argue with people without being able to justify myself. I have come to realize that, with most people, I might as well as not bother participating in a (heated) discussion in the first place if I’m not willing to drag the other person down. By admitting defeat before even initiating a dialogue I would be saving myself a lot of emotional and mental trauma of standing up against someone who will go to any level to “win” an argument.
What I believe is inherently wrong in the way we fight is our mindset. Most people don’t think conflict is normal, healthy and sometimes even necessary when there is something important at stake. But we must work on resolving conflict well or raising a difficult issue sensitively without demeaning others. And we must teach our children the importance of fighting fair.
The writer loves books, movies, pizza, and the weekend and believes there is nothing a cup of tea can’t solve. You can contact her at sharmadit347@gmail.com.
