It’s a kind of love that breaks social protocols and defies the traditional definition of love, relationships, and even matrimony. In a changing yet conservative Nepali society, where homosexuality is still frowned upon, Binu, 38, who identifies herself as a lesbian, and Michael, 30, a third gender, have braved the odds to live together and honor their relationship through marriage.[break]
You don’t decide who you fall in love with; it just happens, and for Binu, a mother of four, it happened when she started seeing Kalpu, more popularly known as Michael.
Their love affair sparked when Binu started visiting Michael’s meat shop in Birgunj in southern Nepal. She “looked for excuses” to meet Michael and “shared stories of her abusive husband” to whom she was forced to marry at 12. This was when Michael, who realized his attraction toward women at 11, shared a connection with Binu.
“I fell in love just by looking at her everyday,” Binu says, her hands busy making a fire for tea, eyes fixed on Michael sitting on a bench in front of her.
Crew-cut hair, dressed in a checked shirt and jeans, Michael’s behaviors reflect a man’s persona. When her mother tried dressing her up in frock, she resented it; when asked to do household chores, she refused.
“I wanted to be rough and tough like a man, tease girls,” Michael laughs, to which Binu adds, “I also liked dressing up like guys and actually had a crush on a girl before marriage.”
But 10 years ago, they found each other and are now inseparable. Living together, however, has been “one heck of a struggle,” shares the couple. Their romance and union is dramatic and is somewhat like a Bollywood flick.
Michael characterizes the heroic figure; Binu, her forbidden love; and Binu’s husband along with their respective families, the opposition. When Binu abandoned her lawfully married life and decided to live with Michael, they were threatened, beaten up and socially outcast. Despite their dire situation, Binu being divorced for three years and the fact that they’ve been committed to each other for a decade, their families still haven’t accepted their relationship.
“I was with her, she was with me throughout it all,” Michael says.
“Now she’s crying. Don’t cry, Kalpu,” Binu says, as Michael couldn’t hold her tears remembering the tough times. The day they left home, the couple spent the frigid February night together on a terrace.
Years later, the situation hasn’t changed much. They live in a rented bamboo hut at Ram Ghat in Birgunj. Dust rises from the mud floor with every step. The only furniture in their bedroom that opens up to the kitchen is a bed and a metallic table fan; the kitchen is an open area with a traditional clay firewood stove and only a handful of utensils. To support their living, Michael works for a local Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Intersex (LGBTI) advocacy organization during the day and drives a rickshaw during evenings while Binu plays the housewife. Their neighbors often question and ridicule them; they can’t understand why two women live together; moreover, why one supports the other.
“They think negatively about us—why do we live together, what we do, what’s the reason,” Binu lists. “They fail to understand that the only thing we want is to live together. Michael looks after me, I look after him.”
However, Michael’s mother still wants her daughter to get married and sometimes tries to lure her with money.
“But I feel I’m a man and I’ll bring home a wife,” Michael says assertively. “I don’t want anything. I just want my Binu.”
And it’s their companionship and solidarity that has brought them so far despite social obstructions. They even got married at a temple though it holds no legal status. However, Michael hopes that the new Constitution of Nepal will have something for couples like them. She also expresses fury and frustrations as she hasn’t been able to change her gender to ‘third gender’ category on her citizenship according to the provision set by the government.
“How will I ever be able to give her rights as my wife,” Michael’s voice erupts, her hand gestures like that of a politician speaking at a forum. She hopes someday, after rightful laws and less social stigmas, more couples like them will feel comfortable to come out.
Binu interrupts. She is very vocal and often cuts Michael when she’s speaking, mostly supporting and complementing her better half’s thoughts.
“And we aren’t criminals,” her expressions and tone of voice changes from timid to emphatic. “Why should we be scared? We’re only living our life together.”
The only difference in their case is that they are two women living together. However, Binu raises a question—that too, a valid one—about the certainties of “a different kind of a relationship,” and its future.
“How can you say that a woman will have a better future once married to a man?” she reflects on her unhappy married life. “What if your husband leaves you?”
She further tries and explains about her choice of having a life with Michael and not another man. “With her, it’s just love,” she pauses and looks at Michael. “But society hasn’t understood,” she shakes her head. “Not at all.”
But their love and life was never woven by social fabrics. As the couple puts it, “It was our understanding, honesty and destiny.”
Inside the periphery of their house, there is no intrusion, and they don’t follow the guidelines set by the society. Ten years later, Michael constantly flirts with Binu as she’s still wooing her. They argue. They hold hands. They wait for each other for dinner. They’re like every other couple who “complete each other” and dream of a “happy family life with a house and a shop.”
For now, Binu and Michael are living their dream, at least a dream of living against the odds.
“This life, we’ll spend it together,” Michael says, holding Binu’s hands. “We won’t part or let the world tear us apart. For me, she’s my wife and I don’t care about the world.”
Related story
Modi says India set to double oil refining capacity in five yea...
-1200x560-1779450784.webp)
