On gender issues, stereotypes and raising a successful daughter

When I was born, my parents wanted a son. That is not because they didn't think a daughter would look after them in their old age, but solely because they believed that a daughter has a hard life, and less of her dreams come true compared to that of a son. My parents have a large circle of friends, and so many people knew that they wanted a son.

So, when I was three or four years old, many people asked me a question, "Would you rather prefer to be a son or a daughter?" And I would answer "Daughter." "Why?" would follow immediately. And then I would say, "Well, only girls get to wear beautiful frocks."

My parents wanted me to look tom-boyish, so they cut my hair short and made me wear pants and sneakers. But I was the exact opposite right since my early years. My voice is so soft that when I speak amidst a crowd, I don't even hear myself. I have always loved long tresses, dressing up, adorning heels, decorating my hair with colorful ribbons, and carrying beautiful purses. I grew up wearing dresses with matching, cute shoes, and although my parents tried really hard in dressing me up in pants, I didn't wear one until I reached Class V, when my school uniform required it.

I used to remain silent and well behaved most of the times. But I was also very sensitive and wept over the most insignificant things. My parents wanted me to watch the Superman, Spiderman and play with the Power Rangers set—much coveted by the boys my age, while I wanted to watch Cinderella, Snow White and play only with my set of Barbie dolls.

Some people still ask me, "Honestly, don't you ever wish you were a boy?" And I really don't know how to answer.

The grass always seems greener on the other side. Growing up in a patriarchal society along with the rise of feminist force does make me question the value of my gender. But then in my more than two decades of living, I've understood the basic fact that you cannot judge the quality of your life based on your gender alone. I guess the life that you lead is measured at a certain basis that's definitely gender neutral. Whether you agree or not, life works the same way for both genders. While certain situations will put you at favor for being a girl, there are other situations that put boys in a privileged position. I guess it will just balance out eventually.

I'm no longer just the dress wearing, fairytale watching girl. Well, I do have my undying attachment with all things girly, but I also try to be more than a sensitive, quiet girl. I work really hard in making myself the kind of child my parents wanted—a strong individual who strives to make her life successful and happy.

Therefore, to families who actually love their daughters, raise your daughters to be strong and able individuals; let them free; support their dreams instead of worrying about their future or feeling sorry for them that they will have a hard life compared to sons. Believe that they can lead a successful, independent life, too.

Sameeksha is an undergraduate student of Civil Engineering at the Institute of Engineering, Pulchowk Central Campus in Lalitpur.