Explaining the ritual, cultural expert Satya Mohan Joshi says, “The first pasni is carried out in seventy seven years, seven months, seven days, seven minutes and seven seconds of a person’s life. [break]And the second is in the 83rd year, which marks that a person has already seen 1,000 full moons. In the 87th year, the third pasni is observed, known as Dev Ratharohan.
“Although she [referring to his wife Radha Devi] is five years younger than me, we conducted the ritual together,” Satya Mohan muses.
Satya Mohan, 90, and Radha, 85—both Patan residents—were married when he was 19 and she 14.
“It was an arranged marriage. Our family had fixed it, and unlike these days, we could not question their decision,” Satya Mohan observes humorously. Radha, who sits on a straw mat along with Satya Mohan chuckles.
According to the coup love grows in mysterious ways.
However, their life as man and wife started after two years of the marriage. “I was studying. She had not reached her puberty, and besides, there were other household problems such as lack of space, due to which she stayed in her family home for a while,” recalls Satya Mohan.
But Radha did visit her husband’s home during festivals and feasts, where they exchanged glimpses. Radha adds, “We weren’t allowed privacy. Even during occasions like when I had to pay him respect by touching his feet, I was accompanied by his sister.”
“His face was not etched in my mind even after two years of our marriage, because I never saw him face to face,” says Radha. Her gentle smile radiates her face.
Only after the completion of Satya Mohan’s graduation, the couple started living together.
“All scared, I sat near the window and cried that night, remembering my mother,” says Radha. Satya Mohan adds, “She’s talking about our first night together.”
He started working as industrial surveyor for the Central Statistics Bureau.
“As I had to be on the field and had to visit villages, I spent three to four months away from home,” muses the Tri-Chandra College graduate.
The frequent trips and the folklores of the villages lured young Satya Mohan and molded his interest in culture and literature.
“But if Radha had not have provided me with the space and environment to work, it would have become difficult for me to do what I was doing,” says the nonagenarian scholar of Nepali language and culture.
When asked whether she felt emptiness in his absence, Radha turns to Satya Mohan for help. Radha is not fluent in Nepali; so Satya Mohan translates the question in Newari and helps her understand it.
“Tears rolled down in his remembrance. But I had to look after the home and the children, and in-laws occupied my time,” Radha recalls.
Life took a different turn in 1960. “The then king Mahendra took powers in his hands,” recalls Satya, who has about two dozen books in Nepal Bhasha to his credit. The Panchayat rule started, and Satya was stripped of his post as director of the archeology department. “Amidst this, I was offered to teach Nepal Bhasha to Chinese in Peking [Beijing],” he says.
This provided the couple with an opportunity to travel outside the country. Not only did they live together in Peking for four years but traveled to Korea as well. “On the way to Peking, she got a chance to view the Muluk (country) from near,” he says.
“And although I was far from home, I felt like I was in one when she was there with me,” he recalls.
“There I learnt that she was a skillful person. She made my teaching easier as she demonstrated Nepali cooking and spices to the students.”
Now, Satya daily visits Nepal Bhasha Academy in Kirtipur, of which he is the chancellor and also Araniko Musuem set up by him. Radha waits for his return in the house that belongs to Satya’s ancestors, where they started their married life. “At the same time, I occupy myself with other chores,” she smiles.
When asked whether they had any quarrels or conflicts, the couple with six children, shares: “There were, but they were momentary. Small conflicts have very little significance in a relationship where people have grown up together.”
Satya feels that the philosophy the couple lives by has helped them transcend all negative aspects of life and focus more on the positive.
For the past 30 years, Radha has recited the Pragya Paramita, a book of Buddhist philosophy, each morning. In order to demonstrate the recital, Satya brings Radha her power glasses and the book. “It’s quite difficult for her to move around now,” he says.
There is a weekly Pragya Paramita recital every Monday in their house, where the couple has been participating for past 30 years.
Saty Mohan concludes: “Be it a love or arranged marriage, both have its pros and cons. For us, arrangement proved to be good, though there were limitations. Instead of fighting over small things and ending up in separation—like it happens these days—the marriage helped us find and nurture love.”
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