I admit it. I have hair growing out of my ears. It doesn’t bother me all that much, however, because I know it’s part of the ageing process. But my wife’s worried.[break]
In fact, she’s never before seen me or a photograph of me with hair growing out of my earlobes.
And as it normally is with women when it comes to making sure nothing comes in their way of making them look good – a good-looking, well-maintained husband included – she offered to cut it for me.Of course I disagreed.
But like me, if you’re married, you’ll understand that winning an argument with your wife is similar to Comrade Prachanda agreeing to lay down the arms. I’m not saying it’ll never happen; it’ll just be one hell of a goddamn miracle if it does.
After much nagging, I give in. But being the “man of the house,” I take the scissors to gently trim the hair myself. In some Gulf countries, this would probably be the ground for divorce.
Do wives even understand what goes into growing hair on the earlobes? Hair on the earlobes isn’t an urge; it’s a state of mind.
And no, it’s not a “Marwari” thing, either. We’re not compensating or competing with the Marwaris for the lack of business hindsight.
Nor is it the belief that the goddess of wealth will favor us, or our way of projecting that we’re the dominant gender just because we can grow hair on the earlobes, and women can’t.
Wives don’t understand this. That’s the trouble with women: they’re not gentlemen.
Over by the bar the other night at someone’s wedding at the Army Officers’ Club, I’m made conscious of the theory that facial hair is a class thing amongst the social circles.
I noticed this particular Rana Jee who had this moustache that could be twirled at the end, and hair on the earlobes combed to make him look taller than he actually was.
Over drinks, I’m told by an expert who’s already had one peg too many that it’s the Ranas’ way of showing off their economic and social status.
That makes no sense to me. To me, the poor can’t afford to buy the expensive Gillette Mach III razors, the gel shaving cream, and the Dolce and Gabbana aftershaves.
Hence, they should be the ones growing beards and hairs on the earlobes.
The ones who can afford to go to Hotel Annapurna for haircut shouldn’t be the ones growing facial hair of any kind.
Even though it may only be to point out that they can afford to have someone else cut it for them every month.
Interestingly, you can tell a lot about a man from the way he chooses to ignore or display his facial hair.
There’s still a section of the society that seems to think the Maoist revolution hasn’t ended, the same kind that think that George Harrison with a beard was a chick magnet (and not his songs), the same ones who figure being featured in partynepal.com with the same women week after week around them will make them look “happening,” the same section of the society that will show up only for Nepal Unites’ protest campaigns only if they have their drivers to drop and pick them up in their burly SUVs and someone else to hold an umbrella for them in case it rains at the Bagmati Bridge.
Then there are the ones who will seemingly “show off” their excessive hair growth wherever it may be – on the chest, upper neck, arms, earlobes, and nose with the firm belief that it’ll incite wealth. These kinds can be described in just one word: Yuck.
As for those who’ll bleach their nasal and facial hair instead of shaving them with the belief that it’ll look invisible, please note otherwise. The bleached brown hair hanging out of your nose isn’t as invisible as you think.
And Miss, you can stop giggling. Your brown goatee and sideburns are a sore sight for the eyes.
However, just so you know, men don’t have reasons for facial hair. Most often than not, it’s beyond our control.
It’s not a male conspiracy theory, either, drawn up just to make women feel inferior. Most men are just lazy. Hell, if it weren’t for the office rules, most men wouldn’t shave at all.
And I just don’t mean the beard. That’s because, universally, most men are indolent and don’t want to shave any more than we already do. And that includes the hair on the earlobes.
And if you womenfolk still have a problem with that, go to hell. Okay? Please?
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