Women, on the other hand, need a whole lot more stuff. My wife has tons of face wash, different shampoos and conditioners and then a dozen makeup kits and more. Well, I guess all women are the same when it comes to having tons of grooming products in the bathroom.
The last time, I used face wash was when I was in college. I didn't even have pimples then. Nowadays, I only splash my face with cold water and that's about it. But now I get pimples everywhere. It's not because I don't use face wash anymore. It seems that the pimples are taking their revenge now for not allowing them to conquer my face during my teens.
A month ago, I looked like Rudolph the red nose reindeer and Christmas is still a few weeks away. This week, I seem to have a boil right behind my ears. My wife does not like pimples. Whenever she sees one of mine, she gets excited and has to pop it. I think she was Florence Nightingale in her previous life. She won't let go off me until she makes me cry like a baby when she begins her manual surgery on one of my pimples. And she won't let go until she tells me that the nasty yellow stuff is completely drained.
She has bought me half a dozen face washes and cleansers. I think all these cosmetic companies just want to fool us all by making us pay more for stuff that really won't do much good for one's pimples. And I don't use any of it because I want to have a rugged face in the future instead of looking like Aamir Khan even when I'm a senior citizen.
It's the same with anti-wrinkle, anti-aging, and the 'make your face look like a white woman' cream you get in the market. We won't have the same soft skin like we did when we were babies. We will all grow old and have wrinkles. That's life and we have to deal with it. Well, some women now use Botox and in the future they will all have frozen faces. Not all of us will die tomorrow. Most of us with good genes do live till old age. Wrinkles are good. You will look wise and beautiful but if you use Botox more today, then kids will get nightmares when you attend your granddaughter's birthday party in the future.
The white women around the world want our brown skin. Our women want to be Snow White. I guess we all want what we can't have. My wife is dark-skinned but during our engagement, she was made up like a Japanese Doll. During our wedding reception, I asked the makeup artist to just give my wife a natural look that will complement her skin color instead of the usual 'flour face' stuff most of our makeup artists in town seem to be an expert at.
I tell my wife that my favorite Bollywood heroines are Kajol, Rani Mukherjee and Deepika Padukone. She tells me that she likes the Khans and their six-packs. And experts tell us that women really don't go after body and appearance of the male species. Yes, every woman wants their man to be funny. If that was the case then Kapil should have more fans in Facebook than Salman.
Yes, makeup does help transform a woman's face. My favorite heroines are darker than coffee beans but they look fairer than Snow White in their movies. I like my wife the way she is and don't want her to be Snow White. Her dark complexion is what makes me love her more. But of course, most Nepali men prefer their spouses to be fair. The perfect example would be my brother in law who looks like Mithun Da but decided to get married to a woman who looks like Jennifer Lawrence's distant cousin.
Well, let's get back to the makeup stories. Makeup does do wonder to a woman's face. A year ago, I was at my friend's restaurant. Our own Kollywood actress was at the other table. She had no makeup on. I guess it was bold of her to go around town without makeup. My wife was shocked. The actress was a 'hottie' in movies and now she was just as normal as one can be. I told my wife that it was great that she was comfortable without makeup. She is who she is and she doesn't need to look like she is dancing an item number in the real world. Of course, you need to look good in movies.
I don't really mind when my wife puts on makeup. She looks good and she feels good about herself. I feel good too. When it comes to lipsticks, she looks good in red but whenever she puts on the pink stuff, I don't like it. But of course, she doesn't care whether I like it or not. She puts it on anyway and gives me a smirk. Last week, she went to get nail extensions. I didn't like it but all her friends and relatives now want to get one at the same place she did. I don't get it. I wish there was someone who could massage my stomach and turn it into a six-pack. Now, that would be a man's dream come true.
Wedding season is here and my wife needs new saris and shoes. If we men were like women then we would probably have enough suits for each day of the year. I have only four pair of suits and that's enough. But women are different. They can't be seen wearing the same sari. Who will remember what you wore at somebody's wedding last year? Well, my wife tells me Swami Facebook is to be blamed.
kalumaila99@gmail.com
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