You wake up in middle of the night from a nightmare. You are disoriented and suddenly your eyes lead you to your own reflection. You get up and stand in front of the mirror. You notice your scars, belly fat and absence of thigh gap. But fail to notice the crease your facial muscle makes when your lips press together to form a smile, you just ignore its beauty.

You wish you were taller, slimmer and had a flawless skin like girls in TV and magazines. You wish your stretch marks and scars would vanish and think about undergoing a laser treatment. But you drink a glass of water and reflect upon your scars, stretch marks and body fat.

Would you be who you are without it? You look out the window but don’t see any stars and can only see vast dark sky. You take a moment and realize you would have any memory of learning to ride cycle without scars on your knee. You wouldn’t have noticed that you have grown without those hideous stretch marks around your hips. You are happy that you realized these things tonight but the memory of the time you starved yourself still haunts you. You are soon glad that you no longer starve yourself. You are glad you are healthy and happy. Yes, you still struggle to see yourself as beautiful but you know who you truly are. You are glad you can look back at yourself and remind yourself how stupid you were to starve yourself and give up on life just because you didn’t look a certain way.

Your internal realization now gleams bright as the sunlight which has just entered your room through the white curtain. You now look at yourself and find beauty not the beauty defined by society but beauty that lies in your heart. You find beauty in all your imperfection as it reminds you of the journey you have had so far in life.

 
• beautiful
 
• nightmare