I am trying to be strong and hold myself up so I can be there with everybody around. I know each one of us is missing him in our own ways. I know each member of the family is shocked on the incident that has happened. Each one of us want this dream to be over and wish to see him back, hear his voice and see his smile. I am trying to find answers to these why and what till today, but I guess there is no answer at all.
The vicious circle of life is so strange, that we are all trapped in. The more one talks about the theories of life and death, the more complicated it gets. There are many who say that there are “X” amount of breaths that a person has, and nothing in the entire universe can increase that. The karma that one does in their entire life gives results as different deposits in a bank account.
The fixed deposit stays with us for the next birth while the short term deposit is what we have in this lifetime. Each one of us know that we have to die one day, but the world wouldn’t be saddened by the death of an individual if they knew when they are going to die and they would do so many things differently. When I say this I don’t mean on the actions of a person, but the expressions, or the last talk or emotions that a person wants to share at the last moment. I might be sounding very self-interested here, but thousands of people who are connected to that one person would definitely agree.
This past year has been the longest time in our life, the longest that we have seen our dad. I know the fact that we will not see him again but we want to deny and just remember how he was smiling when we got him from the hospital on that Saturday afternoon. I would love to keep him here and not let him go in the ghats at Pashupati. The most painful experience was when we did his last rites and let him go in front of us and could not do anything.