She is often told off for ‘being too sensitive’ and ‘taking everything seriously’. Here the writer argues why sensitivity is a much-needed virtue especially in today’s world. 

“You have no sense of humor.”
“Oh my god, chill. Don’t be so serious.” 
“Learn to take a joke.”
“You don’t have to get so defensive over such small and insignificant things.”

These are some things I hear very often from people I talk to, be it strangers or those who know me well. Almost every single time, these words are said in a condescending, disdainful, or patronizing tone. Up until a few months ago, these kinds of remarks would really confuse me. I couldn’t understand how I was the one getting negative reactions when all I said would be something along the lines of – That’s kind of offensive (or ignorant, depending on the situation), you should frame your words carefully, lest they hurt someone. I usually see that when someone makes a disrespectful or derogatory statement it never fails to get a good laugh from the people around them.

Now I realize why I get these remarks when I point out that someone is being mean or offensive. Firstly, nobody likes being called an unkind person and, in his/her perception, that is essentially what I’m doing. None of us live with the belief that we are mean. And while we may actually be kind most of the times, we pay almost no attention to little actions and words that harm someone else. Something you take lightly and joke about might be the reality in someone else’s life.

People also commonly connect sensitivity with weakness. “Oh, so you can’t digest that person’s words? You are so weak! Toughen up. You can’t survive like this in the real world.” I think this understanding of sensitivity is baseless and incorrect. If you Google the word sensitive, quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences is the first meaning that comes up. Does that really come across as a weak trait?

I think sensitive people are arguably stronger, both emotionally and mentally, than most people. We deal with things we find hurtful multiple times every single day. We stand up against other people – whoever they might be – when we realize what they are saying or doing might affect someone else adversely. We can easily empathize with others. We are courageous enough to voice our opinions about things that clash with most people’s ideologies.

Words are what offend me the most. That is largely how humans connect with one another and I think it should not be used irrationally. When I say words, I’m not just referring to things written in books, newspapers, and magazines but all forms and usage of words including – but not limited to – song lyrics, dialogues of shows, movies, advertisements, and the way people talk.

French soldier, general, and baron d’Empire from the early 19th century, Jean Baptiste Girard once said, “By words we learn thoughts, and by thoughts we learn life.” While this quote holds true for everyone in the world, it’s more so for someone like me – an introvert who also suffers from a moderate case of social anxiety. I don’t enjoy social gatherings and would pick staying in and watching YouTube videos over going out. My experience of socializing is very limited. So most of the things I pick up are through reading books, blog posts, and newspaper articles and watching movies, shows and interviews. I see a lot of things I deem problematic in these. While you can always argue that these things are fictional or staged, they do have varying level of basis on the real world and what is happening here.

And it isn’t just introverts and socially anxious individuals who pick up stuff from movies, books, shows and blogs. My parents – both of whom identify as extreme extroverts – also claim that such things heavily color their opinion of the world. So I think there should be a lot of sensitivity while producing such influential material. 

People also often say that my preferences in music, TB shows, YouTube channels, books and authors are very jejune or, as my brother likes to point out, vanilla. I like things that are happy, light, inspirational, and end on a positive note. Although at times I do enjoy genres like thriller or heavy metal music and hardcore rap and hip-hop, most of the times I can’t stand them because they portray many things I consider problematic.

To top it off, I’m also an intersectional feminist. Whenever I hear song lyrics with over-sexualization of the female body, acceptance of rape culture, dissing people who don’t conform to the societal gender norms or see shows and movies portraying women as just a comic relief character or a damsel in distress who have to be saved heroically, it sets me off. People say that I should overlook this to truly appreciate the creativity, artistry, and genius-ness applied there. But I’m opposed to the idea that both sensitivity and excellence cannot exist in the same work. It can if you put a little thought into it. It’s just that most people don’t. 

Another area where this is prominently visible is humor and things people generally find funny. If you analyze what most people find funny, you will see that the content is almost always at the expense of someone else. There is even a saying – Everything is funny if it happens to someone else. That should not be the basis of humor. If not finding shows were people fall into potholes funny is being sensitive, then so be it. 

The streak of judging sensitive people does not stop there. Sensitive people are often taken thought of as someone who overthinks things. This could not be more wrong. I actually take almost everything lightly as long as I don’t come across generalization and discrimination. I try to appreciate little things in life that make me happy rather than focus on negative things. 

Even when I’m walking down the road or commuting to and from work, I’m listening to my favorite music playlist or my preferred podcast. When I have to wait for someone – which, mind you, is a very terrifying thing for me because of my social anxiety – I flip through the book I’m currently reading and I cannot hold a grudge against someone to save my life. If you just utter a simple ‘sorry’ after offending me, you get instant re-entry into my good books. 

Sensitive people are also considered self absorbed or self-centered. The only thing I have to say about this is that those traits are not necessarily bad. I admit that I’m someone who is almost always lost in my own world and that can seem quite self-centered. But this very trait makes me empathetic. Whenever I come across something that might possibly be an issue, I’m able to put myself in that situation because I can think clearly.

Basically, people shouldn’t be considered weak or looked down upon just because they are sensitive. There is huge positive side to sensitivity and it should be applied to more areas of the world. If everybody acted a little sensitively, with consideration for others, there would be a lot less fights and arguments in life. For people who want to learn how to be more sensitive, I suggest they start with trying to empathize with others. Put yourself in their shoes. What would happen if you were in a similar situation? You will definitely get your answer.

Watch this space next week for Rea Mishra’s rebuttal on why you should cultivate a thick skin and learn to let things slide. 

 
• Sensitive