Dear Malvika,
I am a 24-year-old girl from Lalitpur. Actually I have a loving family and a loving boyfriend who keeps me happy and joyful. I have recently completed my bachelor’s and I am planning for further studies. The problem is that I am a little introvert and don’t like to hang out much with friends but my boyfriend is extrovert and enjoys being in company of his friends. He sometimes expects me to join him with his friends and I tried but I couldn’t enjoy myself there. I have even lost many friends due to my introvert nature and I fear that I might have to lose my boyfriend for the same, which I don’t want to. Could you please suggest me to get over my problem?
There is nothing wrong with being an introvert until it interferes with your relationship and career. That is when one needs to take a step towards being a little bit more social. Take baby steps. First when you meet someone, always make sure to ask them what they do and their likes and dislikes. Be comfortable with who you are. I have seen introvert people sit in a room without talking much for hours. But still they enjoy other’s company without talking too. Don’t let the pressure of being social get to you or don’t put too much pressure on yourself. When the pressure is high you won’t enjoy the company at all. I can relate to all this because I am kind of an introvert too. And I hardly like making conversations. So this is how I started and slowly changed myself. As I gained more confidence I realized I was able to converse with people. But that doesn’t mean that you will be social with everyone. There will still be few people that you can connect to and be able to talk to. So don’t take too much pressure and accompany your boyfriend where he goes. Just be there with him sometimes that helps too.
Dear Malvika,
I am a 32-year-old woman. It’s been four years since my husband passed away. Although we had an arranged marriage, we shared a special bonding with each other. My family has been recommending me to move on in life, however I have not even thought of being with another person ever again. I sometimes feel that I should let myself out of this grief and move on. I have also tried many times to do so but I come to realize that I can’t feel the same for anyone else again. I have willingly chosen this life because I don’t have space for any other person in my life.
You have made up your mind and so be it. There is no rush in life. You made one decision for the family once and this time let it be yours. And you have lost a spouse at a young age. That feeling of loss is something that no one can take away from you. I am glad you shared a good bonding with each other. So just focus on what you have, your career and live life. Though it might not be easy and his memory will always be there but that is what he would have wanted you to do. He would not have wanted you to waste your life. You would have wished the same for him too. There is no rush for another marriage. But in the future if you do have another bonding with someone else don’t let it stop you either. But get to know the person first and live life the way you want to.
Essential tests
Dear Malvika,
I am a 23-year-old guy currently studying in one of the fashion designing colleges in Kathmandu. I came here two years ago from Butwal to pursue my career in business. My father had sent me to Kathmandu to study business and take our ancestral business ahead. However, I am frightened to confront him that I have broken his hopes and expectation. I have tried many times to confront him but I have had difficulty doing it. I sometimes think of informing him after I finish my graduation in fashion designing but again I feel the sooner the better. What would you suggest me?
You have definitely put yourself in a very awkward situation. But I can understand why you did what you did. It is not easy convincing Nepali parents to let you study what you want. But I still feel that you are lying to him. And you are just extending the lie for another few years. I cannot tell you here exactly what to do as this is a family matter and this involves financial issues. I will tell you this though that fashion designing needs business idea too. So maybe you can convince him to be your partner and start the business together. So try and find a way where your ideas can co-exist together. As a parent though, I would definitely be very hurt if my son was doing the same. And even if we might not agree on the same thing, I would want him to tell me the truth. So there is some heavy thinking that needs to be done by you. You are spending his money I suppose and he deserves to know the truth someday.
Dear Malvika,
I am a 27-year-old guy currently living in India. I have been in relationship for almost two months now. We met through internet and started going out after we felt a connection with each other. I had been in relationships earlier but never felt the way I do now. Recently I had a little talk with one of my ex-girlfriends but it was a casual chat and short one. But my girlfriend found out about it and I feel a change in her behavior toward me since then. She has been ignoring me and not talking my calls. I feel so strongly for her and would do anything to convince her. Please help me!
You are now a part of misunderstood case that happens in most relationships. See your relationship is just two months old and haven’t been in a trust area as of now. This is just the testing phase of your relationship. Now that you are already in this situation, the only thing you can do is be patient and keep apologizing. Send her flowers, try and meet her. Once you do tell her frankly that it was just a casual conversation and that there is nothing going on. Give her some time to cool down too. But if you let it go now then this relationship will not stand a chance. It takes a lot to build trust these days and you have to give a 100 percent for sure. I hope this works out for you.
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