Photo Courtesy: sikiladi 

"Your presence matters" is the first thing I wanted to express as I sit down to write after a long time. Not just me, but everyone around who thinks about you every single day might be thinking the same. We all feel your presence guiding us in each step, really strong. Even if your physical presence is missing, you are taking care of us and giving us that strength to continue with our life. The power to live each day and every moment even when there is a void that can never be fulfilled. You give us the capacity to understand that there can be no tomorrow, and at the same time giving hope for one with the belief that everything is temporary in this world. As time passes by, we realize we can lose the most important person in our life then the time will come when we have to bid our goodbyes. And the latter part is denied by the majority of us.

Moreover, whenever I have visited Pashupatinath temple I have this same feeling until the kid within me was gone on 14^th January 2017. I always saw people mourning at the Ghat in Pashupatinath surrounding, and I never thought once that one day I could also be standing there.

That is exactly what happened when I could do nothing but just be there for my Popsy. I just wanted to be there till the last, with him, trying to tell him that we were together in this and we still are. It is a strange feeling that hurts but I still want to remember because it was the last time that I saw you. We can never be prepared, but we can accept that the number of breath that we have in our life is destined and nothing can change that. Nothing can change the way we leave this world- be it by suffering from a disease, trying to breathe or a silent death. It will still hurt and there will be no healing, neither time nor change. When I see people wanting to leave this world, because they are very sick, I pacify myself, that you were at your favorite place, when you left us and healthy. 

This chapter is that learning of life that can only be understood when one experiences it. But, I did not want to understand and learn all of this on the cost of losing you. I know I will always be your big girl, but I still want to get pampered from you. I miss you.