August 4, 2017 10:30 AM NPT
By: Kalu Maila
I’m not a marital expert but it seems that a lot of my friends do come to me for advice when it comes to problems with their marriages. I think I’m a good listener and I tend to dole out valuable advice to everyone else except for myself. I also do need another counselor to give me life lessons and advice on how to be a better person.
A friend of mine is not happy in his marriage and wants to file for divorce. He has been married for five years. I ask him why and his response was that he and his wife don’t get along at all. What do they fight about? He tells me they are argue about everything from where to eat and what movies to watch to what to wear when attending social functions and even where to shop for groceries and other items. And then there is always the in-laws problem that seems to be very common in our households. It is tough make your spouse happy and then please your in-laws as well. Even though there will always be a difference in how different people get things done and handle things, we should all learn from our mothers when it comes to dealing with one’s in-laws and other relatives.
We all know that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I think marriage is all about working together as a team and you have to learn to share, care ,and also let your partner be who they are instead of trying to mold them to your liking.
My wife loves yoga but I prefer to go out for a run. So, instead of arguing with my wife about what is good for health, I do an hour of yoga with my wife then go out for a run for another half an hour. The most important thing is staying healthy and it doesn’t matter if you run ten kilometers per day or do hours of yoga. Do what you like, be physically active, and your health will improve. Once you are healthy, you will be able to work hard and let us all pray that your wealth will improve as well.
My wife loves Bollywood movies. Her favorite actor is Salman Khan like most of the ladies out there. I hate Salman Khan not because he wants to rip off his shirt and show his body all the time but he can’t dance like Govinda and can’t act like Aamir Khan. But it seems that he has the most loyal fan following all around the world. Every year, whenever a Salman Khan movie is out, I take my wife to the movie theater. It doesn’t matter if the story is crap but Salman is Salman and I let my wife enjoy the two-hour masala-mix where she seems to be in love with him. I look around and feel sorry for all the boyfriends and husbands in the movie theater but that’s how it is. We, men, do fantasize about heroines as well but, of course, no one wants to be an obsessive psychopath.
But we have one thing in common. We love our ‘Nepali’ movies and whenever there is a new ‘Kollywood’ movie out, we always make sure to go watch it at least within a week of its release. But we do have an exception. We don’t watch the ‘usual’ Bollywood copy-cat movies with lots of action and full-on masala. But I prefer the QFX halls whereas my wife thinks ‘Big Movies’ is the place to go. So, what do I do? Well, I go where my wife tells me to go.
My wife loves Bhat Bhateni stores. I don’t. I have always been a fan of the mini-marts in my neighborhoods. But once a week, we go to Bhat Bhateni and do some shopping and then enjoy some pani puri and momos on the stalls outside. Marriage is about compromise as well. We all like to do things our own way but we need to find a middle path instead of trying to only stick to our own preferences.
My wife loves everything BBQ. I love everything Asian, be it Korean, Japanese, Indian or Vietnamese. My wife doesn’t like the dishes from these countries at all. She only like BBQ stuff and, of course, KFC and their chicken stuff, but for me food is food and you can offer me anything and I will eat it as long as it is edible, ethical, and not harmful for human consumption.
The only thing that my wife really doesn’t like about me is my smoking habit. She tells me that I should drink a peg or two once in a while but should completely quit smoking. And she is right. I have managed to cut down on the nicotine sticks and I hope I will be able to quit finally before the end of this year.
My friend, who is now into his third cup of Americano, finally speaks. He tells me that he is going to try to work things out and follow my ‘find common ground, choose the middle path’ formula. I tell him that we should look at one’s father or father figure for inspiration. How do they deal with their spouses? The key to a successful marriage is to know when to keep quiet. I follow the KYMS formula. Yes, I am the one who coined this term. I think so but you never know someone out there might have come out with this theorem first. If you get into any discussion, argument, with your wife it is always better to Keep Your Mouth Shut. It’s not only the right way to behave, but apparently the only way to prevent it from escalating as well.
The writer is a house husband who believes in changing, if not the world, the community he lives in one person at a time. Reach him at email@example.com