HEART TO HEART WITH SADICHHA

June 20, 2018 10:09 AM


Dear Sadichha,
I’m currently in the States doing my undergrad. I’ll be starting my senior year this fall. I don’t know what I actually want to do. I guess I can say that I haven’t found my passion yet; which is kind of scary. I am also having second thoughts about my major. Sometimes, I feel like I chose to study it just because it’s easier to get a job, and not because I’m really interested in it. I feel lost these days. Even more, I have given up on a couple of dreams I had because of the circumstances that I have no control over. I guess everything happens for a good reason but does it really though?  I overthink about ‘what ifs’ so much that it’s started to control me. I have no idea how to handle it. Another major question that pops up is about my ability to cope with the conditions in Nepal. I want to return to give back to the society; I feel I have a responsibility towards my family and the society. But, with the conditions back home, I don’t know if I can make it through. I think I have lost the faith that I had in myself and I have no idea how to get it back.   don’t know if I have anything direct to ask you. If you have any advice please do write it back to me. 

Thank you so much for writing to me. I can definitely feel like you have a lot going on. Take a long deep breath, relax and do not over think. Your priority right now should be your studies. I don’t know what you chose, but I am sure you took your time to choose your major. In this world, there are many people who are doing amazing work without a degree; people are doing amazing work in something totally different from what they have studied and also in the line that they have studied. Nobody is wrong. You’re young and it is very normal to be anxious and worried about the future. However, remember that not everything is in your control. Enjoy your time as a student; things will eventually start clearing up. And regarding your thought about Nepal, don’t worry you’ll be able to adapt, everybody does. It’s Nepal, it’s our home. Nepal is getting better as it is moving towards the right path. Many people have come back to Nepal with similar thoughts of doing something for the nation and I find that really inspiring. For now, I suggest avoiding excessive pressure. We don’t know what the future holds, so enjoy the present. 

Dear Sadichha,
I am 23-year-old girl. I met a guy a year ago. He contacted me through Facebook and he works in my former office. At first, we were good friends but slowly we are starting to have feelings for each other. We meet often and talk regularly. He feels jealous when I talk to other guys and I feel the same when he is with other girls. When we are together we always try avoiding a formal relationship. He is very concerned about his career and says that he wants to achieve his goals first. Now the time is running very fast and we are also getting closer and now I have started feeling anxious whether everything is going to be alright or not. I really want him in my life. What should I do?

You are just 23! It’s not the time for you to think about a guy who you like, and who likes you back, but doesn’t want to admit it. Why is it that only he is concerned about his career? You should be concerned about your career too. I am sure you have goals, dreams, and aspirations of your own. Sit down, and talk it out. What does he want? Does he like you? Does he have feelings for you? Does he want to be in a relationship with you? From what you have mentioned, it seems like both of you like each other. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship. Being in a good relationship will help you guys be better and keep each other in check of your goals. However, if he wants to enjoy all the benefits of being in a relationship but doesn’t want to admit being in a relationship- stay away from him. You don’t want to be around those people who don’t have the courage to admit their feelings. Keep him as your friend, but don’t let him confuse you. I hope you keep yourself first and think about yourself and your career. 
 

Dear Sadichha,
I am a 27-year-old married girl. I am going through depression and anxiety. Though I have managed to earn a BSc agriculture degree, I am never happy despite my success. I worked at NGOs and INGOs for two years, but for a year, I have not been engaged with any organization. I feel depressed when I think of my friends who have completed their masters. After marriage, though my condition has improved through counseling. I am still anxious about my weight. I feel stressed because of my weight. I have tried everything from jogging to exercises, and yoga but I don’t feel any change. I don’t feel confident due to my belly size; I want a slim body. I fear looking in the mirror and taking photographs. I know looks are not that important but it’s tough to get myself convinced. Is it because I compare myself with celebrities? All this has been severely affecting me. Please suggest me what do I do?

I am happy to know that you have been getting proper help and counseling. It is so important to seek help when you are going through depression and anxiety. Many people are ashamed to admit it. If you think getting a Master’s degree is what you want, then I suggest you go for it; your marriage shouldn’t stop you from achieving your dreams. Having something to look forward to and a new challenge will also be a good change. Everybody is anxious about their weight and concerned about the way they look. However, understand that nobody is perfect. Your physical appearance shouldn’t matter as long as you are healthy and happy. Exercise to feel good and not to look a certain way. Remember that the food you eat provides you with the required nutrition and nourishment. Eat food that is good for your body and exercise for a healthier body and mind. We will never be able to fit into the standards of the society. Don’t compare yourself with anyone that is just going to bring you more misery. Be happy with who you are.

Dear Sadichha, 
I am a 22-year-old girl but I have been seeing a guy 8 years older than me. We were together for one and a half years but we broke up because neither of our family agreed to our relationship. My family didn’t like him because he was divorced and his family didn’t like me because I wasn’t ready to get married any sooner. He is desperate to get married as soon as he can, because he wants to settle down, whereas I want to get done with my studies first. However, he was not willing to wait for my decision. After he left me with the option to either get married or to leave, I chose the latter. He is an engineer and his family persists that I am after his money. This is not true because I haven’t taken a penny from him. Now that he’s kicked me out from his life, I am having a hard time dealing with my studies, family, and my personal life. I feel ashamed to face my parents because I was in an intimate relationship with him. He is having a good time with his family and will even get married in a couple of months. And I am here proving my family that I was not wrong and facing all these difficulties. Please suggest how can I deal with all these situations? 

Hi there. Before I even start, I want to tell you that I am so glad that you chose to leave an inconsiderate man. Love is a two-way street; there is always give and take. He can’t expect you to get married without even considering your plans for the future, studies, and career. You are just 22; you haven’t even begun your life in the true sense. There is so much more to life for a woman than just getting married. You wanted to finish your studies, and you should. I know it must be difficult to be out of a relationship and it must feel like you missed something special but let me tell you something from experience, you dodged a bullet. You don’t have to be ashamed of your parents, I am sure they are very happy that you chose to continue your studies. Now it’s time to make them proud by focusing on it and doing well. Your life will continue the way it was and become even better with time. Again, I am proud of you for making the right decision by choosing your studies. 


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