Heart to Heart with Malvika

Published On: May 31, 2017 02:30 AM NPT By: Republica  | @RepublicaNepal

Dear Malvika,
I am a student of Bachelor’s third year. I don’t know what I am doing with my life, I am uncertain about my future for I don’t have any future goals or plans. I find people of my age having their career plans but I doubt whether I will be able to do get a nice job. I frequently question myself, “what am I supposed to do as being the eldest daughter of my family?” My parents have many expectations with me and it extremely troubles me whether I would be able to fulfill them. I sometimes think of killing myself but can’t do so whenever I think of my parents. I am in a relationship and my boyfriend has currently completed his MBA and has so many plans about his future. He wants me to be focused on my career and has told me that he won’t be able to marry me if I cannot get a job. I really don’t know what I should do. I also have stammering problem which time and again creates awfully embarrassing situation for me. Please suggest me what should I do?

It’s okay to not have specific career goals during graduation. Not everyone is sure about what they want to do specifically. You discover it as you go on in life and with the work that you do. So, do not put yourself into so much pressure. You are still in your third year so you have some time to think about it. Once you do your internship you will know whether it’s the kind of work that you want to do. You may then apply for a job and gain experience after graduation for some years. I also think that it is not the time for you to worry about marriage and the pressure that comes with it as you are still young for that. It’s not fair for your boyfriend to put so much pressure on you. I don’t know the kind of relationship you share but what he doesn’t sound motivating at all. If you had finished graduation and if it has been years you were not working, then yes, I would say that it’s high time you focus on your career. So, finish your graduation and until then you can have time to think and research on the kind of work you want to do. The idea is to take criticism and use it to your advantage but not get bogged down by it. As for your stammering issues, I suggest you to try speech therapy and attend public speaking classes. This will help you overcome speaking issues. You can always choose to work in a field which doesn’t require you to talk so much. Do your homework in the mean time, look around and find out about various options. But make sure it does not affect you personally at the moment. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 23-year-old girl who is extremely shy and lack confidence. I have tried to overcome it from a long time because I feel it is hindering my progress. I have not been able to perform well because of it while all of my friends are doing great in their jobs. Currently, I have been working in an organization as an intern and I am really worried if I would get a good job. I have tried watching videos and reading articles on how to boost confidence but I just cannot implement those things in my daily life. I want to be bold and outspoken. What would you suggest me to do?

Try with small things, for instance, if an incident happens where you need to give suggestions, take that opportunity and speak. I know it’s easy to say so but you have to make that first baby step. Start small, every time you get an opportunity, motivate yourself. I have learnt that the art of speaking also comes with knowledge. If you have knowledge over various issues it is easy to speak up about it. So read up a lot and start working on your thought process. Writing helps too, so jot down your thoughts and express them in paper. The next day review what you have written and that will freshen up your memory. Stay happy, be active, join the gym or go swimming and do things that you do not have the courage to do otherwise. It’s okay to be shy and an introvert but when it comes to work issues you need to speak up. I am sure you think a lot, so use those thoughts into action. The best way to start learning is to look in the mirror and practice. That is what I used to do as a kid which has helped me a lot. Watch motivating stories or do vocal practices that you can find online. You need to push yourself internally to be more proactive externally. But no matter how many classes you take or things you read up on, it’s you who has to make the change. Be around positive and proactive people that will teach you a lot too. Good luck!

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old girl studying engineering in one of the reputed colleges of India. I am a very ambitious and career-oriented girl. My parents are really supportive and always encourage me to strive for my dreams and my friends are also equally supportive. A year ago, I fell in love with a guy who was one year senior to me studying in the same college. He is really sweet and nice guy who possesses every quality that a girl would want in a guy. He used to love me a lot though we used to argue in small things and reconcile again. We were very happy with each other but suddenly he broke up with me and after a month he came to me and assured that we were still in relationship but again after some days, he says that he is in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He also says that he is not happy and will break up with her soon. Recently, he apologized for his mistake and now he says that he loves me and wants to be back in relationship with me but I have lost the trust on him and I don’t want his relationship to be ruined with his ex-girlfriend because of me. I am really confused on what I should do. Should I give him a chance or just forget about him and focus on my studies?

Now is the time for you to focus on your studies not your relationship. Engineering is not an easy field and you will need all the focus that you can get. After reading what the guy has been doing, if you give him a chance now, he will have the hold on this relationship because he will feel that he can get away with anything. He broke up with you, and he wants to patch up again and on top of that he is still with another girl. This means that he can change his mind anytime he wants to. If he doesn’t like small things then who knows some months down the line he might back off again. If you still like this guy just tell him that you cannot trust him now and you need sometime. You can be friends for now but that is it until you can trust him again. He also needs to break up with his girl if he is not happy there, but he cannot be dilly dallying with two girls. Trust me you do not want to be a part of that drama which will get you more distracted and hurt. Don’t make yourself the cause of his break up since that is what he already wants. So, do not feel guilty about it. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a high school student pursuing my studies taking Mass communication and journalism. After the completion of SLC, my family members forced me to study science but after convincing them frequently, I finally made them say OK on the decision I had taken studying journalism. I am also the topper in college with humanities stream but still my family members seem worried over my career choice and keep reminding me that many talented people are jobless. I aspire to be a recognized VJ like you. I fear what if my aim does not get fulfilled and how I should regret over my decision. How should I face my parents as they are always ready to find my fault for taking such wrong 

Prove them wrong. That is the only way to deal with it. My mom never liked me being in the media. It took her more than 10 years to accept what I was doing. Because that was my passion, I stuck to it no matter what anyone said. I dealt with its downfalls and negativity but I never gave up on it. I tried many forms of mass media, some I was successful, some I failed but nevertheless I persisted. I leant on the job, trained myself to be good at what I do and constantly upgraded. I did not do it for the sake of gaining fame but rather I was driven by my passion. Yes, you will fail a lot and will be rejected too but go for it and do not give up. You will have to hear a lot of criticisms but use that to your advantage and always work on making yourself better and different than others. The pay might be as good in the beginning but with years and experience you will ultimately get there. Good luck!

Malvika Subba is a media personality, social activist and former Miss Nepal. She is also the CEO of Idea Studio Nepal.
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