Heart to Heart with Malvika

Published On: April 5, 2017 03:00 AM NPT By: Republica  | @RepublicaNepal

'Follow your passion, money will follow'

Dear Malvika,
I’m a 24-year-old woman and have been living in the US for the past five years. I am still single, but my manager at work who is a 37-year-old divorced man has been showing interest in me. He says he loves me. Lately, I have realized that I too have feelings for him, but the age difference between us scares me. We still haven’t gone on our first date, but still see each other at work every day. Please suggest me if I should approach him or leave the matter where it is now.

Love does not see age, gender, race and class, and that’s the beauty of it. You shouldn’t be concerned about the age difference. And, should be more concerned about whether he is the one for you, and to what level you want to take this. It is definitely comfortable when two people work together and get to see each other every day. But at the same time, that also means there are things that you do not know about each other. So if you have feelings for him, go out on dates and try know each other better. Getting out of your comfort zone, you will realize a lot of things. Also, know the laws in the US. Some companies are strict about internal dating, as this can bring complications and favoritism at work. If there is no such rule and your colleagues are okay with it, I do not see a problem why this cannot blossom into a loving relationship.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old woman living in Australia. Although I am just 20, I have gone through a lot in my life. Despite many problems, I never gave up, and faced every problem with a smile on my face. I used to be that one cheerful and confident girl who was never scared of anything. I never lost hope even through the toughest time. Now, everything is good. I am living the life that most of the girls of my age dream of. But the problem is I am not happy. There are some people here who try to bring me down. I was never a person who would mind what other people had to say about me. But still this has been affecting me a lot lately, and I don’t feel good about myself. I have smile on my face on the outside, but inside I am no more confident about myself. I want to regain my lost confidence and want to be happy again. What shall I do for that?

Most people go through what you are going through at the moment. I have been through the same. And this shall too pass. You need to ask yourself what is more important to you: you, or what others think about you. 20’s is the age where we sometimes get bogged down by what people think and say of us. And that is hard to handle as it affects us mentally. “As we haven’t done anyone harm, so why are they after us, and why me” are the various questions that go through our mind. It is better to stay away from negative people, and do what you love to do. This will take time, but it will happen soon. Sometimes experience matters compared to your age. And from my experience, I do know that after a while you stop caring what people say about you, and care more for your happiness than anything else. If you let them get to you, that means they are succeeding. Surround yourself with people who love you and care for you. Keep yourself occupied, and reach out for your goals. Keep yourself busy, meet new people, be social, and pamper yourself. Once you start giving yourself importance, nothing else matters. 

Dear Malvika,
I am an unmarried 28-year-old woman and recently got a marriage proposal. The problem is the proposal came from my ex-boyfriend’s relative. I dated my ex for a year, but later broke up when he tried to get intimate with me when I was not ready. If I accept this proposal, I will be married to his maternal uncle’s son. Should I keep this thing a secret from my soon-to-be-husband? But I know that my ex’s parents knew about our relationship. Should I tell him everything now, or reject the proposal? Will our relationship be successful later if I told him now? I am really confused. What should I do?

You cannot enter a marriage with dishonesty. If you say it later that would create more problems and he would not be able to trust you. First of all, you need to make sure whether he is the one you want to get married to. Then, when you meet him just be honest. If he has issues with it, then it’s his loss. As I don’t think in this day and age these things should matter. I had dated one of my husband’s distant relative. He had no issues with it, but yes his parents had some objections and that too passed with time. If the guy is cool with it, there should be no problem at all. As partners, you should be able to deal with anything that comes your way. But make sure he doesn’t use it against you later. And, do not let him make you feel that he did a favor to you by understanding about this situation, because, as I said, it is not a big deal. People these days are dating their best friend’s partners or their sibling’s exes, so your case is not a big deal at all. 

Dear Malvika,
I completed my masters and have been working for an NGO based in a rural area for the past four years. Recently, I got promoted to a higher post, but my pay raise wasn’t that impressive. Even my friends who don’t have a master’s degree earn double the salary than I do. Lately, I have been having financial problems as my current earning is not sufficient. I know if I leave this job I could get a better-paying job, but I am not sure if I would find an organization like this which has helped me grow both at personal and professional level. If I leave this job, I will earn better, but will lose the opportunity to make my own identity and impression. What should I do?

I believe in “following your passion first, money will follow”. When you do something you love, you will be happy. But at the end of the month when you need to cash that check, you need to be happier. Sometimes passion prevails more than money, and such is your case at the moment. I have been through such situations. And I continued my job until there were desperate times to earn more. And of course, with time my passion started paying the bills. But it took me a few years to reach there. When it comes to finances, sometimes you have to make a bold move and take risks. If you have bills to pay then you have to get another job that pays better. And that is fine. You never know, you might find a job which pays you well and yet which makes you happy. So start looking for such jobs if money is a major factor at the moment. You have stuck to your first job for four years, which I think is commendable.


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