Heart to Heart with Malvika

Published On: March 21, 2017 11:00 PM NPT By: Republica

It’s you who has to live the life!

Dear Malvika,
I am 25- year- old woman and my parents are talking about my marriage. As this will be an arranged marriage, I know very little about my soon to be husband. I am ready to get married but I have been hiding a dark secret about my life till now. At the age of 8, I was sexually abused by one of my so-called relatives. At that time I didn’t have any idea what he was doing and he had threatened me that if I talked to  anyone about this matter my parents would beat me up and ask me to leave the house. He abused me many times. I used to cry but he had frightened me so much that I couldn’t tell anyone. This stopped after he moved away but those scars are still fresh on my mind and I hate myself for letting him do that. I haven’t been able to forget that incident till now. I am scared that my soon to be husband will find out that I am not a virgin. Should I reveal my past to him? I am scared that this would ruin our future relationship. Please tell me what I should do? Should I share my past with him or conceal it?

It is not easy to hold on to a secret for such a long time. You have been through enough in your life.
And I am so mad right now that you had to go through abuse at a young age. That person should be jailed for life. I cannot got back to the past and change it for you, no matter how my heart hurts at this point. But I will tell you this. You need to be with someone who will accept you, as you are. And I am not sure if arranged marriage is for you. I might be wrong. You need to go to therapy sessions so that it can heal and help you. Sharing a past abuse with a professional always helps you to move on. And about virginity, please do not give it so much importance. If a man gives so much importance to it rather than love and compatibility, then it’s not worth your time. No one is a saint these days, and one can lose virginity by even riding a cycle. So when you meet the person and if you click, then only reveal what you want. Otherwise it will not be worth your time. Revealing a past secret is a very emotional process and you cannot do that with someone you have just met. It takes time and trust to do so. So please rethink the whole thing. I would want love in your life, pure love that will take you a long way. Sending you strength and love! 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 29-year-old nurse and shifted to England recently. I have been in a relationship with a guy for six years now. He is a doctor in Nepal and belongs to a higher caste. We both are educated but his family is conservative and don’t know that I belong to a lower caste. When I ask him to disclose about this to his parents, he tells me that it’s not the right time. We both are trying to do court marriage so that he could come live with me and work here. Could you please tell me if this is the right decision or should I stop?

It’s okay if the guy wants to take his time to share with his family. There is no harm. There are certain things that families do not understand and they will need time to do so. The most important aspect is here the strength and love in your relationship. If both of you have decided to get married and spend your life together, then so be it. That is what matters. Family’s opinion changes with time and patience. They will understand eventually. So do what you have to do, and be supportive of your partner’s choice at the moment. That will strengthen your love. And move ahead in life.  You will have to live with that person, if you do live abroad. So that is what you need to focus on at the moment. 

Dear Malvika,
I am 21-year-old married woman. The thing is I always wanted to be an actress. I had even taken part in beauty pageants and as I was starting up with my modeling career I got married. It was a love marriage. But as we live abroad now I am not happy with my life or my work. My husband is a good person but somewhere it feels like something is missing. I always dream myself in a world full of glamour but my husband doesn’t support me in this. I quit my college after marriage and to be honest my life ended after marriage. Sometimes I just feel like I should pack up and came back to Nepal to start my career. Should I just pack up and come back or what should I do?

I believe you married too young. 20’s are for exploring life. But that is my personal opinion. Take your time to explore what you want in life. Marriage does not mean the end in life and partners will not always be supportive. You got to do what you want to do. So talk to him, tell him that you want to spend a year in Nepal and check out your prospect. If the relationship is strong, it will survive any hurdle. But the two of you have to be very communicative and honest.  And tell him that if it doesn’t work out, you will always come back and be where you are right now. If he wants, he can come with you too and support you from here. That would be great. People should not forget that we are all individuals, and we all have to make certain sacrifices for each other. If he doesn’t understand at all, then it’s up to what you want to do. How long can one person stay unhappy, right?

Dear Malvika,
I am 23-year-old student. I have very busy schedule and I reach home around 7 in the evening. Not only do I study but also play basketball during breaks and follow a healthy diet but I can’t seem to fall asleep for the past four nights. This is not the first time this has happened to me but it’s a rare occurrence. Should I be scared? I will visit the doctor soon but what could make me go back to my normal bed routine? Please suggest me some ideas.

There is nothing to be scared about. Insomnia has become a normal phenomenon these days. The lifestyle that we lead and the active participation in social media have made most people sleepless.

When you are about to sleep, make sure that there are not too many distractions. Everyone has their ways of sleeping. Like I need to watch some TV before I fall asleep. I make sure that the brightness is very low. And the soothing sound of some English series makes me fall asleep. I am thoroughly active the whole day and at the night I am exhausted. Some warm milk, light reading, and alone time also helps to fall asleep. But if it goes on for more than month then you should go to a doctor for sure. 

Malvika Subba is a media personality, social activist and former Miss Nepal. She is also the CEO of Idea Studio Nepal.

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